Overcoming fear: Gay Pride in the
face of the plague
fought bitterly over Larry’s elitist
attitudes. Tom insists that simply because
he's straight and Larry is gay that there is
no reason for them to end their friendship,
but Tom is also convinced that Larry can
not cross the bridge between their sexual
identities.
Not only must we stand together , but at every turn we must
celebrate the fact that we are still alive.
BY
MI CHAEL
S.
REED
Joey is becoming friends with a woman
he works with. He's been afraid to tell her
he’s gay. ‘ ‘ What if she tells my boss?" he
wonders. He envisions losing his job be
cause his co-workers will be scared of him
if they know he’s gay; they might be afraid
o f catching AIDS if he stands too close to
the coffee machine. He talks to his thera
pist about it, rallies his nerve and one day,
tells his friend that he is a homosexual.
Although there are a few awkward mo
ments initially, since his friend hasn't ever
dealt with this particular issue, their
friendship does begin to deepen. Joey now
may speak freely about himself, his life
and his loves.
*★ *★ *★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ *******
nyone who has lived in this lifetime
as a gay person has faced situations
similar to this one. For gay people,
coming out is not a once-in-a-lifetime
event. It is something we face every day in
every different kind of situation imagin
able: at parties, on the street, with
acquaintances, co-workers, distant
relatives. We decide who shall be
informed of what lies within our hearts and
minds, for we are a fortunate minority
because we may be invisible when we
choose (or at least we convince ourselves
of this). The ability to become invisible is a
double-edged sword, however, because a
refusal to reveal such an intrinsic part of
ourselves will only perpetuate the myth
that being gay is something bad, some
thing to hide from the world.
Perhaps the greatest challenge these
days facing gay people, besides staying
alive, is using the courage to stand up
before the world and say ‘‘this is who I am,
and I’m very glad to be this way,” for we
have stood alone for too long a time. We
grow up isolated in our invisible minority,
feeling like we are the only one who has
these thoughts and feelings. But this
month is the time for us to stand together.
No longer alone, we must remain one
united front that will tell the world that we
have not been beaten by this plague, not
yet, even though our friends have died, are
dying now, or will die.
And not only must we stand together,
but at every turn we must celebrate the fact
that we are still alive. In this way we may
send a message to the world around us that
because the length of time we may have
left has shortened considerably, we
demand quality of life for ourselves.
A
******************
Bill won’t tell his parents that he is gay
because he loves them. He wants to make
their passage to old age easier, smoother
somehow. So he won’t upset the status quo
by revealing his dirty little secret. "It’s
personal,’ ’ he says to his frineds, ‘ 'it’s my
business — besides, they come from a
different age; they wouldn’t understand.' ’
He scoffs when asked if he thinks they’ll
stop loving him for being gay. ‘ ‘That’s not
it at all,’ ’ he says, ‘ ‘not the issue at all.’ ’
*******************
How long must we consider ourselves to
be bad simply because of who we choose
to love, simply because we know that
someone else “ wouldn't understand?”
And how can we assume an ignorance and
lack of concern in someone else, when we
wouldn’t like others to make that assump
tion about us? How long must we hide
from our parents, our co-workers, and
most of all, from ourselves? When we lie
to our families — even if it is not a direct
lie, but a lie of omission — we perpetuate
the lie that we as a people are perverted or
sick or somehow lesser beings in the eyes
ofa “ normal” world. It is our responsibil
ity as gay people to enlighten those who
have never encountered us before. This
begins with our families. If our families
can continue to love us and respect us for
who we are, then perhaps they can
enlighten their friends and bring more un
derstanding to a sometimes very incom
prehensible world.
******************
Our first step is to define ourselves as a
group that takes care of its own. We shall
make it known that we are ready and
willing to fight for the quality of our lives
and our ability to love whomever we
choose to love.
Lately, an issue that has come up among
my friends is the ghettoization that many
of us go through. We find ourselves spend
ing our time exclusively with other gay
people. We find that the number of our
straight friends is dwindling. Sometimes
we explain it by saying “ they don’t really
understand, they have completely different
perspectives. After all, they don’t live
with the same kind of fear that we live in,
they haven’t watched their friends die,
they don’t understand the choking rage we
feel at having our lives be viewed so unim
portantly that the society to which we be
long has allowed this ‘gay’ disease to grow
into an enormous problem.”
I must confess that 1 am an elitist. The
straight friends I have had (no matter how
understanding, friendly, or sympathetic
they were) always seemed to consider me
as their token gay friend, peering into my
life to find the oddities. I live in one of the
gay ghettos in this city and I am happy that
******************
Tom is straight, but his best friend,
Larry, is not. Larry came out to Tom last
year. Tom is now puzzled because Larry
won’t call him anymore. Larry tells Tom
that he would just rather be ' ‘around his
own kind o f people now.’' They have
I do. I find comfort and reassurance in the
companionship of other men who live with
the daily fear of contracting AIDS, or who
know the pain of watching the people we
love shrivel away and die. I find that this
level of comfort and reassurance enables
me to face, with far less frustration and
fewer feelings of being isolated, my work
day when I am surrounded by straight
people.
However, in spite of the increasing need
for solidarity among ourselves, we still
must keep communication open between
ourselves as gay people and our sympa
thetic friends. We must not turn our back
on those we feel do not understand us; after
all. we need all the support available to
stop this plague. Just as our families need
our honesty and openness, so do our
straight friends. When we feel uncomfort
able we must speak up. We must share
with them our anger and sadness over this
disease, even if they are uncomfortable
with the topic, which they probably will
be. They will get used to it, just as we get
used to it with every passing day.
Gay pride is not an issue of shoving our
sexual identity into the face of the major
ity. Gay pride means simply this: the
strength to demand quality in our lives and
to maintain dignity for ourselves. The
message we must send to the world is that
we will not be kicked down by this plague.
Not yet. Not while there is breath in our
bodies. Not while we can still stand. Not
while we can still fight for the rights and
freedoms to which people of all colors,
shape and persuasions are entitled.
•
CLARICE
JOHNSTON
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Just Out.
7 . June. 1987