Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 1, 1986)
-i w xw m by Rodger Larson and Andy Sim on W hen I hear the phrase "pro-fam ily" m y m ind autom atically thinks "Anti-gay.” I recently m et Ann and Bill Shepherd and their daughter, Susie, a group of people who changed m y thinking. The Shepherds are certainly "pro-family,” and they are definitely “ pro-gay.” Susie is a lesbian, and Ann and Bill have been active in Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (P/FLAG) for the last twelve years. As I approached the Shepherd’s house I could see Ann through a window sitting in a breakfast nook that seemed to have become an office. She waved a greeting to me and m et me at the door. She introduced her husband Bill and called Susie, who was visit ing, in to join us. I had com e at a bad tim e — in the m iddle o f the fourth quarter o f an im portant football game on TV. Bill turned off the volum e on the set but left the picture on, and strategically positioned him self so he could glance at the screen to check the score fro m tim e to time. Ann sat on an antique couch and pulled out some sewing. Susie sat on the floor and played with the dog. And so in a setting familiar to families throughout Am erica, our interview began. The Shepherds are not a typical middle- A m erican family, nor are they unique. Ann and Bill have been married for forty-two years, and are the parents o f five daughters. Bill is a lawyer in Portland and Ann has worked as a reporter in Bend and McMinnville. They live in a com fortable house in the Southwest hills. D uring Christmas vacation o f 1971, their daughter Susie came home from college with som e im portant news: she told them that she was a lesbian. Their initial reaction was to show Susie their love and support. Bill said his first thought was, "Well, after all, she’s still m y Susie,” but he also adm itted that he did n’t quite believe her at first. Ann said it was all right with her, but she didn’t want to get too close to the situation. The news troubled them . They didn’t know what, if anything, they should do about it They felt isolated and alone. They found few people with whom they could discuss their "pro b le m " and none who had any kriowiedge or experience to share. They thought they were the only people facing this situation The feelings the Shepherds were describ ing are, o f course, the feelings gay people c o m m o n ly experience as they go through the process of com ing o u t I asked Ann and Bill whether they were feeling they had to com e out just as Susie had. They agreed — their own struggle helped them to understand Susie's m ore fully and to appreciate her co u r age. They shared some ol the same fears: would people reject them.J Would people lose respect for them? W ould people understand? I asked Ann and Bill if they had known lesbians or gay men prior to the tim e Susie cam e ou t to them, and whether that was why their first response was so supportive. They both laughed. Their previous experience with the issue o f homosexuality was anything but positive. Ann had a relative who was deeply closeted and was rejected by her fam ily when she tried to com e o u t Bill had known of two arm y officers who were hum ilited and dis charged when they were discovered to be homosexual. These stories caused them '; uví-fvc» ? »0 fo ?«? ?< vrsz #•* som e concern about Susie's welfare, but their very first reaction was to be there for their daughter whom they loved, and who was trying hard to be honest about who she was. “ Honesty was always an im portant value in ou r family,” Susie said. Her parents agreed. Ann and Bill needed more inform ation about homosexuality and they needed people to talk to. W ith Susie’s help they found some useful inform ation in books, but finding people to discuss their “ problem " with was m uch more d iffic u lt But then an unfortunate situation turned out to be a blessing in dis guise. A friend who had a prom inent position at their church went public about having a gay daughter. The friend had agreed to testify at the state legislature in support of a gay rights bill. Som e members of the church dis approved and the friend’s position was threatened. Ann and Bill knew they had to help. They cam e to their friend’s aid and helped save her position. In the process, the Shepherds became politicized, and they circulated handbook. When Copeland heard about Ann and B ill’s idea about contacting other parents o f gays he encouraged them enthusiastically. And so during Gay Pride Day in 1976, the Shepherds staffed a sign-up table. They got enough names to begin to plan a first meeting. The group was small at firs t Four couples constituted a big meeting. They met in people’s homes and were very casual, mostly socializing and discussing com m on problem s. Ann, Bill and Susie had done a lot of c o m ing ou t since Susie’s first announcement. In 1977 they came out even fu rth e r— on televi sion. All three of them appeared on the Town Hall program . I asked whether that had seemed a risky thing to do. They said that by that tim e it wasn’t B ill’s law partners knew Susie well, and were com pletely supportive; Susie was out at w ork and was accepted with no problem ; Ann did n’t have to worry about losing a job. All their friends knew already. m ade their first contact with other parents of gays. The next tim e the state legislature held hearings on a gay rights bill, Ann's friend recruited Ann to testify as a parent o f a les bian. Soon after, she was asked to serve on Governor Straub’s task force on gay and les bian rights. W hile she was on the task force, she read a lot o f books. She and Bill were becom ing quite knowledgeable about hom o sexuality and they were meeting more homosexuals, too. They were no longer feel ing isolated, but as they m et more gay people they kept thinking, "If there are this many gay people, there m ust be at least as many pa rents of gay people. Where are they? How can we get in touch with them ?" At about the same time, Larry Copeland was organizing the Portland Town Council to w ork for gay and lesbian rights legislation. He contacted Susie and asked her to volunteer for one of several projects he had in mind. She agreed to help write a legislative guide to gay rights which has since become a widely W hat did they have to lose? C om ing out on television seemed to be as out as they could be, but there was one last step that forever closed the closet door be hind them . A reporter from the O regon J o u r n a l called and asked for an interview. They agreed, and were interviewed and photo graphed. They watched for the story but it d id n ’t appear. They had all but forgotten about it when on Gay Pride Day 1977 the story hit the streets, not a little feature article on the back pages, but a front page, four- c o lu m n spread com plete with banner head lines and a large photo of all three of the Shepherds. They were not just out, they were celebrities. The small group of parents of lesbians and gays that Ann and Bill and their friends got together continued to grow. Soon they had outgrow n living room s and began meeting in various churches, at Old Wives Tales Restaurant and finally in a m eeting room at the Justice Center. Sim ilar groups were fo rm ing in other cities and a network of local organizations calling itself Parents and Friends o f Lesbians and Gays emerged. In 1981 the first International P/FLAG conven tion was held in Los Angeles. Currently, when the Portland P/FLAG meets — w hich is on the fourth Wednesday of each m o n th at 7:30 p.m. — 4 0 to 50 people show up. Ann, who is the g ro u p ’s secretary, says she sends out m ore than 150 newslet ters per issue. The meetings are m ore form al than they used to be, often including a speaker or a panel discussion. However, the purpose remains pretty m uch the same: to provide a place where people who are close to lesbians and gay m en can meet one another to share m utual concerns, inform a tion and s u p p o rt Many gay people attend the meetings, some with their parents, some without. For some, especially gays who have been rejected by their own parents, P/FLAG serves as an adopted family. In addition to regular meetings, P /FU \G m aintains Parents’ Hotlines that serves Port land, Salem, and Vancouver, Washington. The Hotline provides parent-to-parent con versations, inform ation about professional services and programs, and recom m ends lit erature for parents who want to read up on the subject o f homosexuality. Also, P /FL^G can provide professional qualified speakers to groups who want to sponsor programs about gay issues. And if all that weren’t enough, P/FLAG also sponsors Windfire, a group for young lesbians and gays. How active do Ann and Bill remain in all this? Well, Bill is the organization's president and A nn is the secretary and editor of the newsletter. In fact, they recently received som e well-deserved recognition when they were named this year’s recipients of the Right to Privacy PAC’s Lucille Hart Award "fo r being the long-term parents and friends of Oregon’s Gay and Lesbian Community.' This year was a milestone for Portland’s P/FLAG. On September 20th they hosted a very successful sixth annual international convention. More than 250 people from all over the United States and from other countries attended. There were speakers, panels and workshops on subjects ranging from AIDS to religion. One attendee described the convention: "I can't recall ever having been in a setting of such supportive, loving, and caring persons in m y life.” Those words "supportive, loving, caring" may describe P/FLAG in general, but they certainly describe three of the organization's m ost active members. Ann. Bill, and Susie Shepherd. They had invited me into their hom e and had offei ed me just a glimpse of their co m m itm e n t and energy. I was im pres sed. The football game ended long before the interview, Susie went off for the evening, and Ann was still sewing and chatting with unflag ging enthusiasm. As I left, I thought about another phrase, "fam ily values," that the Right has pre-empted to mean “ anti-gay." I reflected on how absurd that usage is — the fam ily values I saw at work in the Shepherd house hold. appreciation and respect for all m e m bers of the family, are surely the best there are. P/FLAG can be reached at the following num bers: in Portland, 244-3225; in Salem, 362-5280; in Vancouver, WA (206) 573-5472. 4