Parents and Friends
of Lesbians
and Gays
by Pat Scott
In the January 13t 1986 issue of new s-
meek, a Vancouver family was profiled in
“ O ne Family’s Struggle.” The article con
cerned the discovery by parents that their son
is a homosexual, a revelation that was, from
all viewpoints, excruciatingly painful. The
story o f the struggle o f the young man to
accept himself, and of the parents to accept
him, is a moving one — and recommended
reading for lesbians, gay men, and their
families. Through a resource hotline, the
mother eventually was put in touch with an
organization that provided a framework
• PROFILE
within which she grew to acceptance, quiet
ing her tears, anger and sense of loss. That
organization, P R A G , Parents and Friends of
Lesbians and Gays, is having its international
convention in Portland, September 18-21.
It may be jarring for gays and lesbians to
rem em ber that to some, homosexuality still
represents sin or abnormality and, at the very
least a different culture. That people may
have difficulties dealing with homosexuality
may be beside the point for some, or down
right infuriating, but it is a fact in our culture
today. It may help to remember that for those
who are not gay, parents and friends alike,
unless they have a homosexual experience
themselves (and like it) they must be forever
outside the window looking in. Accepting may
be the best they can do, and that may mark a
far journey.
PFLAG is an international federation aimed
at helping parents o f gay men and women,
and their friends, understand. For many
parents, finding out their chid is gay or a
lesbian makes the child som ehow different a
stranger, lost to them. They may g o through
stages o f grief similar to those experienced
when a loved one dies. PFLAG is a group of
people who have “ been there" too and com e
through it to know that the son is still the
son they raised, the daughter, too.
The Portland chapter of PFLAG meets the
fourth Wednesday o f every month at 7:30
p.m. on the 14th floor o f the Justice Center,
where the view is beautiful and the people are
friendly. They try to provide a point of view of
homosexuality contrary to the negative one
prom oted by society. They provide current
information which dispels some of the myths:
that homosexuality is caused by the parents,
that it is a mental disorder, that it is sin, that it
is a stage, that homosexuality is always a
matter o f choice. What PFLAG offers is a safe
space for parents to explore this new infor
mation. Parents o f gay and lesbian children
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are available to listen, counsel, to be friends.
Gay men and lesbians also attend. Som e
com e to meetings to get advice — perhaps
on how to com e out to their own parents, or
support — for those whose parents have dis
owned them. Others are “ liaisons" between
parent and child, showing a distraught mother
or father that gays and lesbians are “just plain
folks” too. Perhaps the greatest service
PFLAG provides is to help parents remember
their love for their child, and remind them
that they are loved in return.
O regon has two chapters o f PFLAG, one in
Portland and one in Eugene. In Portland,
meeting membership varies from 20-40 pa
rents and 15-20 gays and lesbians. Dues are
$20 per year per couple or $ 15 per individual
which help defray expenses for the newsletter
and a list of suggested reading material.
Meetings usually begin with a film or speaker,
then, for those who are interested, break up
into rap groups.
National headquarters for the group is Los
Angeles. PFLAG is an international organiza
tion, however, having a chapter or contact in
nearly every one ot the ( Inited States and in
foreign countries including Israel, Nether
lands, and England.
Every year Parents and Friends of I esbians
and Gays holds an international convention.
This year it will be held in Portland's Westin
Benson Hotel, S ept 18-21. This year’s theme
is "R A P . on Homophobia: A Search for Un
derstanding." The three main sessions will be
on homosexuality and — Religion, AIDS and
Politics. In addition, workshops will take place
on such topics as Discrimination in the Work
place: W om en’s Music; Youth Groups; Net
working with the Gay/Lesbian Community;
Small Town Survival/Successful Rap Groups;
Homophobia in High School; Human Sexu
ality; Values, Diversities, Ironies; Couples;
Grant Writing; Substance Abuse in the Gay/
Lesbian Community; Homosexuality and the
New Testam ent An Issue of Contexts; Pro
moting Legislation to Protect Gays and Les
bians; Hotline; and Helping Kids Who Love
S om eon e Gay.
Registration for the convention begins
Thurs., S ep t 18,3-9 p.m., and continues Fri
day, S ep t 19, from 8 a.m.-Noon. Opening
remarks are from 9-10 a.m. after which the
workshops begin. The 2 -hour plenary ses
sion Friday is on AIDS, with Gary McDonald
and Dr. Mathilde Krim. Saturday it concerns
Politics; and Sunday, Religion.
Friday night is entertainment night featur
ing a no-host bar from 7-8 p.m. and enter
tainment by Darcelle and Company from
8-10:30 p.m. Cost is $7 in advance, $8 at the
door.
Saturday night will feature N o Host cock
tails and autograph party from 6-7 p.m., ban
quet, awards, and Keynote speaker Martin
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Cost for the entire program — including
workshops, luncheons, entertainment and
keynote speakers — is $98. Individual ses
sions can be attended for $ 10 and luncheons
for $15.
Speakers at the convention this year in
clude Dr. Mathilde Krim, research scientist,
civil leader, philanthropist Dr. Krim was a
m em ber of the team that was first able to
determine the sex of the unborn. She has
done cancer research at the Sloan Kettering
Institute and was head of the Interferon Dept
until 1985. Krim founded the AIDS Medical
Foundation. She is now an active member of
the American Foundation of AIDS Research,
the only institution devoted entirely to AIDS
research.
Other participants of the convention in
clude Barbara Roberts, Oregon Secretary o f
State; Dr. G eorge Edwards, retired professor
o f New Testament theology, Louisville Pres
byterian Seminary, Kentucky. Also, Dr. Martin
Weinberg, Sociology professor, Indiana Gnk .
and co-author o i Sexual Preference ; Gary
MacDonald, executive director, AIDS Action
Council.
The convention is geared toward parents
and friends o f lesbians and gay men as well
as toward the gay and lesbian community. Its
purpose is to promote understanding and
also to encourage an end to silence and move
for protection for the rights of gays and
lesbians.
Please urge your parents and friends to
attend, and com e yourself. We need all the
advocates we can get for the rights of gays
and lesbians.
For more information about PF1AG (Pa
rents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays), its
meetings and the convention, call 244-3225.
• HOMEOPATHY
• HYDROTHERAPY
• NUTRITION
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11231 SE Market Street
255-7355
• By Appointment
• House Calls Available
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284-7755
1607NE 41st Ave.
Portland, O R 97232