Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (May 1, 1986)
Changes by Kate Zon c c A D E A S S D I A P R 0 J E C T Nearly 7 years ago, m y lover and I and another couple left Los Angeles and arrived in Roseburg. I was a m onth short o f 2 9 .1 knew how to be a political lesbian/fem inist during the even ings and on weekends. I knew how to go to w ork in disguise, being careful to not talk about anything — particularly me. In L A I had lived in tw o separate worlds. I had spent a great deal o f effort keeping those tw o worlds separate, and was no longer com fortable w ith the division. I had no idea how to integrate the two w orlds, but for som e reason Roseburg, the alleged "Red-Neck C apitol o f the World," seem ed like the place to begin. For one thing, I d id n ’t yet have a jo b to lose. I was already broke. And, I was young, bright-eyed and eager to find out who I be. I began by giving to G oodw ill what I had considered the m ost essential part o f my dis guise — m y purses. Previously, I had carried m y b illfo ld and checkbook in m y back pocket only on weekends and at lesbian or gay com m unity activities. In Roseburg I began my day could mmmammaaaammammmmmmmmmm J a c q u e lin e ’s . « a it t i SEE VUE MOTEL Have a unique experience-build a (ire-enjoy the sea in the style of Hemingway. Antiques, plants, and always some of Jacqueline s sourdough bread Patchwork Quilt Suite available by the week for summer vacation Two free nights out of seven Re s e r v at i ons»547- 3227 Seven mi les south of Yachat s “A play about people caring for people." THENORMALHEART .^ V IN T IM A T E .^ Thurs-Sat, 8pm, Through May 10 STOREFRONT THEATRE • 6 NW 3RD ^ THE Place lor Seafood Cay Men’s Health Support Croup A great way to meet other men who share the same concern — staying healthy and being safe. Join U a. Groups Beginning Soon. and Steaks Original owners since 1977 LUNCH • DINNER • SUNDAY BRUNCH LOUNGE 7425 SW BARBUR BLVD (at Terw illiger) 245-2188 fo r-M e C ascade A ids P roject &£$ r rosàio... is here for you! We need your help to make it all work. Participate in our programs. Volunteer to help us out A few hours per month of your time is what we need more than anything. Persons w ith video production expertise are particularly needed • WOMANSOUL FRIDAY 10:00 PM CALL CAP AT ORDROPBY WEEKDAYS, 9-5 408 SW 2nd, #420 20 • QUEERSVILLE SUNDAY 10:00 PM 2nd & Stark KBOO 90.7 FM The Roseburg Report by p u llin g on Levis, putting m y m oney in my back p o cke t Change and m y stock knife w ent in m y fro n t pockets, and I clipped my keys to a beltloop. In L A the com m unity had been large enough to live in, only em erging eight hours a day, five days a week, to go to w o rk Roseburg was very d iffe re n t Seeing a prob able Lesbian in the health store was an event F o r a few m onths we fou r stayed with Billy, w hom m y lover had known years ago in LA . We go t to know som e lesbians and a few gay men. I went to tow n and looked fo r work while I looked at Roseburg. I saw m any “ butchy” w om en who were m arried. They drove pickups and ran errands in Levis and tee shirts, while carrying wallets in their hands, or purses slung over the ir shoulders. Fall cam e and they m oved into flannel shirts and quilted vests. I m oved into a series 0 f tem porary non-traditional jobs. My lover and l m oved onto land we were buying. At w ork I gassed and parked trucks and figured out how to build 4x4x4-foot crates fro m 2x4s and slats w ithout anyone to help hold the boards. N ot a year before, in therapy, 1 had said that the advantage to having a husband was having som eone to fix things when they broke. My therapist had said that I cou ld learn to do m y own repairs. I had ig nored her. B ut the 1972 m obile hom e on the land was going into a decline and / was faced w ith m aking repairs, having no m oney to hire them done. The open relationship which had w orked fine in L A . proved unable to w ith stand the culture-shock o f O regon, and she and I were in the process o f a painful breakup. Fortunately, the w om an I was seeing knew all about fixing things and had books to help w ith what she d id n 't already know. She and her lover o f m any years (who, interestingly, had ju s t opened their relationship) were liv ing, breathing, ham m er-w ielding, chain sawing p roof that m y therapist had been cor re c t W ith the ir m oral s u p p o rt advice and hard work, the place became liveable. I continued to w ork non-traditional jobs w hich put me elbow -to-elbow with very tradi tion al men. We looked at each other on breaks and during lunch. They all knew, w ith ou t it being said, w ho I was. I was just as certain w ho they were. I began initiating con versation, beginning w ith either, “ Howdaya fix . . or "W hat’s the cheapest way . . They were eager to share inform ation. I cam e to think o f them as Standard A m eri can Males, or SAMs, w ho had their own language and business protocol. My work and m y forays into supply and parts houses convinced me o f the need to either learn their language or continually be frustrated by deal ings w ith balky SAMs who apparently would be m uch m ore com fortable w ith an ignorant m an o r a traditional woman. I learned SAM talk and became bilingual. W henever I would run across a SAM who wanted to stand on tradition, I w ould give him his cue fo r continuing the business transac tio n — only one was w illing to miss three cues. The others apparently decided the transaction was in danger o f proceeding w ithout them , and hastily rejoined it My w ork took me to jo b sites where I dealt w ith SAM contractors and inspected w ork the SAM crews were doing. I learned SAM negoti ations — when to defend a position and when to m ake a statem ent o r offer and then sim ply w ait fo r the reply o r counter-offer. 1 learned to take and make inspector jokes and how to deal w ith SAM onlookers in ways which caused the crews to laugh with me. D uring the tim e I was learning SAM talk, I was involved in the Gay And Lesbian Alliance (GALA) w hich was form ing to support a 24- hour crisis line. GALA became a refuge — a place to be with m y sisters and brothers w ith ou t intererence from Standard Am ericans o f either gender. But when they called for a board o f directors I decided that not having m y nam e listed somewhere in the state was on a par w ith not being on Tricky D ick's hate lis t So I volunteered. A gay group o f A lcoholics Anonym ous form ed. I w en t to be a good and supportive po litico , and continued to go because staying sober becam e a lo t m ore fun while w orking a program w ith com patible com pany. O ur group and its representative (m e) were a novelty around Roseburg AA for a m onth or two. Som e people told me they’d never seen a gay person before and I retorted that they’d ju s t never they’d seen one. When all was said and done we were sim ply alcoholics learning to recover from our disease, and whatever issues we m ight have had with the o th e r’s sexual orientation became irrelvant to the business at hand. MCC (M etropolitan C om m unity C hurch) was harder. It seemed that Roseburg hom ophobes were reasonably content to let us run our switchboard, hold a rap group, m eet as G ALA have dances and be interviewed for a 4-page story the newspaper ran - w ithout m uch com m ent — as long as we d id n ’t lay claim to any o f G od’s love. By this tim e I had a perm anent jo b w orking for a m an I liked and respected, and I d id n 't want to take any chances w ith it At the same tim e I wanted to sit on the MCC panel w hich was speaking to the First United M ethodist C hurch as part o f an educational program for M ethodist members. The program had com e about from MCC’s request to rent public w orship space from them , and I knew that at least one person in attendance was a person I did business with. I stood in the doorway and watched him fo r what seemed like a long tim e. I though about m y jo b and how 1 m ight lose it if he decided to m ake trouble. I thought o f the land I was buying. I thought o f m y life. I d id n’t want to lose any o f the three. Then I tho ug ht about having com e to Roseburg w ithout a jo b and w ithout m oney to buy property, and I realized I w ould rather risk losing them than to not talk about the church and God. I decided that if 1 lost m y life I w ouldn’t be around to m iss it anyway, so I walked in and sat at the panel’s table. Now, after nearly seven years in Roseburg, I w ill m ove to Portland at the end o f the m onth to continue studies fo r licensing as clergy in MCC. I have resigned the jo b I was afraid to lose. I know I can walk away from the land I’m buying, if I need to. W hat I can’t walk away fro m is m y need to live m y life as an integrated whole. known Just Out, May, 1986