/
Lesbian and gay
spouses and
oarents:
Homosexuality in the
fam ily
The Portland State University study
A report b y B ruce K. Mason. MSW
C lin ic a l S o cia l W orker
A conservative estimate of the gay popula­
tion of the United States places it at 20-30
million. If national statistics follow previous
research on the homosexual community, it is
likely that a third, or about 7-10 million adult
homosexuals have been married at least
once, and that about 3-5 million are parents.
The United States Census Bureau routinely
collects data on age. race, sex, marital status,
income and many other aspects of the
citizenry. This information is then used by
public and private agencies to develop a pro­
file of the population and to protect societal
trends which are likely to influence the shape
of society and the determination of public
social policy. The Census Bureau does not
collect information about the homosexual
members of society per se: Bureau protocols
do not identify the gay community or its
characteristics. The gay community,
therefore, is not represented in the national
statistical profile. Given that homosexuals
comprise an estimated 8-10 per cent of the
population the failure to include the
characteristics of the homosexual sub-group
of the population is a serious omission. 1980
Census Bureau data places the population of
the Portland Standard Metropolitan area at
1.3 million. If the Portland Metropolitan Area
reflects the national population, there are
between 17 and 22 thousand gay parents in
the Metropolitan Area.
In 1983 a study of Lesbian and Gay
spouses and parents was undertaken by the
Portland Stte University School of Social
Work. The study was conducted with the
goals of shedding light on the marital and
parental behavior of lesbians and gay men
and to analyze and disseminate the findings
to the helping professional community. The
study was announced in the Portland gay
press and outreach efforts were made to
leaders in the gay community; the recruit­
ment effort lasted for a six month period. The
final study sample consisted of 66 parents.
Face-to-face interviews were conducted by a
team of seven graduate social work students.
The typical interview lasted for about an hour.
One of the most important findings of the
Portland study was the difference between
the two sub-samples; the lesbian mothers
and the gay fathers.
The Findings
Personal Characteristics. Thirty-four of the
participants were women: thirty-two were
men. Th e most striking discrepancy between
women and men was income. Women were
definitely economically disadvantaged, as
they are in society in general. More of the
men than women had been born in the west­
ern United States. 81% of the men had more
than 16 years schooling while only 56% of the
women were in that category. The average
age of women respondents was 37.5, the
average age of men respondents was 40.1.
78% of the men reported earnings of more
than $ 18,000 however only 24% of the wo­
men were in that salary range. 9% of the
women and 31% of the men reported that
they practiced religious worship regularly.
M a rita l History. All of the respondents had
been married or in committed relationships
with non-gay partners. Most were divorced,
some were separated: none planned to re­
turn to their spouses. The majority of the
women had been married only once. The
average length of marriage was 8.6 years with
a range of one to 17 years. The majority of
men had also been married only once. The
average length of their marriages was 11
years with a range of three to 22 years. The
lesbian wives had a variety of reasons for
marrying. Th e most com m on reason cited
was the personal/social expectation with love
of prospective spouse being second. The gay
fathers reported love of prospective spouse
as the most com m on reason for marriage
followed by personal/social expectations. A
significant number of the men felt that mar­
riage would rid them of their homosexuality.
M a rita l Q uality. Less than a third of the les­
bian wives considered their marriages to be
satisfying. Nearly half felt that basic incom­
patibility was a factor. More than half of the
gay fathers felt satisfied with their marriages:
they cited their homosexuality as the basic
problem in the marriage, rather than incom­
patibility. Lesbian wives were relatively
unaware of their homosexuality at the time of
their marriages while the majority of gay
husbands were aware of or suspected their
sexual orientation.
difficulty in being open about their sexual
orientation with their children than did les­
bian mothers. More than half of the lesbian
mothers and half of the gay fathers reported
that their children’s knowledge of their sexual
orientation had an enhancing effect on the
parent-child relationship. More than half of
the children of lesbian mothers were
reported to have had problems in social rela­
tionships with others because of their
mothers' lesbianism. Most of the gay fathers
reported that their children had no problems,
however as a group, the fathers were far less
open with their children.
calling, loss of housing, and subtle
negativism. Many reported that the effects of
discrimination were long-term and sub­
stantial.
Implications
Social service providers are generally not
equipped to deal with the existence of homo­
sexuality in the family. Both lack of
knowledge and lack of understanding of
homosexuality in the family contribute to the
dearth of services for lesbian and gay parents
and spouses.
Although specialized services for lesbian
and gay clients have been developed recently,
they may not be aware of the special needs of
lesbian and gay parents and their famlies. A
significant number of homosexual men and
women do marry and produce children. An
assumption that gay persons do not produce
children seems to exist in most standard so­
cial service agencies as well as in agencies
which are oriented to lesbian and gay issues.
Support groups for both Lesbian Mothers
and Gay Fathers are active in Portland;
meeting announcements are listed in the Out
About Town section of this paper. For further
information about the Portland study (above)
contact the School of Social Work, Portland
State University, P.O. Box 751, Portland,
O R 97207.
C o m in g Out. The majority of the gay fathers
experienced difficulty in self-acknowledge­
ment that they were gay. Only half of the
lesbian mothers reported difficulty in the
com ing out process. Both men and women
felt that having children complicated the
coming out process; the women feared that
they would lose custody while the men felt
that their children would be damaged as a
result. Th e majority of the parents were out to
friends, neighbors or other family members.
Few of the women and many of the men
sought professional help in coming out.
Nearly half of the parents felt that they had
been discriminated against because of their
sexual orientation; discrimination included
job loss or setback, social ostracism, name
Family
Business
Traffic
W orkers
Com p.
Divorce
Custody
Support
Modification
Visitations
Gay Coqple
Agreements &
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Contracts
Licensing
Admin. Hearings
Partnerships
Corporations
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Tickets
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Accidents
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Hearings
Appeals
Preparation
W «s
Bankruptcy
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Consents
(Katharine English
available for consultation)
Attorneys
C ynthia C um fer
& Ben Merrill
P arenting Issues. Far more lesbian mothers
were custodial parents than were gay fathers.
22 of them others and only three of the
fathers had court-ordered custody. About a
third of the mothers were in living situations
with lesbian partners while nearly half of the
fathers lived with male lovers. Most of the
women were satisfied with the child custody
arrangements, however nearly a third of the
men were dissatisfied. Gay fathers had more
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