Our social diseases:
continuing war
against the “ isms"
b y M A R I A H
It’s time to talk about the “social diseases”
of racism and sexism (homophobia is a form
of sexism), how many of us catch them, and
how we can “get better” if not “well.” First of
all, it is important to remember that for the
entirety of our lives, racism and sexism have
always been there. We did not create these
phenomena, but for all of us, Black and White;
Female and Male, the infection of our
psyches with racial and sexual fears, disso
nance and hatred started the day we were
bom . While not genetically transmitted, these
diseases are passed from generation to gen
eration by highly effective psychological
mechanisms, i.e., fear and coercion. Because
our responses to race and sex are molded at
such an early age, the feelings we have around
the issues seem to be entirely “of tlie self’
and therefore right. When we try to rid our
selves of the “isms,” we are fighting a
personal demon who is almost as old as we
are because we were coerced into accepting
this dem on at such an early age. It is im
portant to recognize that we can “get better”
and manage the negative aspects of our fears
and world view so that we do not continue to
inflict and suffer the pain caused by these
diseases. At best, "getting better" is hard and
painful work that challenges the basic ideas
that we have about ourselves and shakes the
foundations of our personal worlds.
Part of the answer to the question of how to
“get better” lies in accepting the fact that we
have not formed ourselves but for the most
part have been shaped from the outside. Part
of what keep« us from accepting this fact is
our indoctrination with the idea that we are
unique and rare individuals. We are encour
aged to believe that we created our own
personalities, and values by ourselves. This
notion is hard to let go of, even for a short
while. Even when letting go means getting
closer to understanding the reality of our own
lives. It is hard to accept that even after you
turned eighteen or twenty-one you were not
in complete control, the parameters had al
ready been set
Lots of those parameters, especially those
having to do with responses to race, sex and
sexuality, were set using the mechanisms of
coercion and fear. White people talk about
being taught to believe the racial and sexual
myths of the culture. What one seldom hears
about are the mechanisms used to teach
them to believe. O ne seldom hears anyone
speak of having been eifraid N O T to believe
the myths. Often the first m emory of racial
Just O ut January 6-January 20
differences happens at about age five. At age
five we are still totally dependent upon the
adults around us for the necessities of life and
just as importantly, for a positive self image.
Adults had the power to tell you (the child)
whether you were "good” or “bad,” whether
you were wanted or ostracized. Th e child
(yo u ) had little choice but to believe that you
were “bad,” “stupid,” or “wrong” when your
mother, father, aunt or big brother laughed,
ridiculed or scolded you: (if you are white) for
liking a colored kid at school; (if you are
male) for wanting to play with girls or worse
yet with dolls; (if you are female) for wanting
to be a fireman. You were in fact ridiculed for
an honest feeling which your parents saw as
dangerous to you (or them ) and needed to
squelch. You were humiliated for wanting
that which did not maintain the status quo. It
is easy to ignore the fact that the reactions of
the adults around you caused you pain, that
institutions help to reinforce the second
message (while ascribing to the first), by
teaching that some people (women and
people of color) are not only not equal, but by
virtue of their race and/or sex, are less able,
less competent and/or less human than
others. As adults, people who were taught the
“we are all equal” lesson, often keep trying to
live out their "good person” ideology while
still responding to the second message on an
emotional level. Th e bearers of these well
intentioned ideas are often shocked, sur
prised and hurt by the hostility and resent
ment they encounter from those they are
trying to help be "equal.” Consequently, these
White people often see the “minority" as rude
and ungrateful; Men (Black and White) who
are trying to live out this double message
often see women as hostile and abusive; defi
nitely unworthy of the efforts and intentions
of someone who is trying to "help them be
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When we try to rid ourselves of the “isms”, we are fighting a
personal demon who is almost as old as we are . . .
your failure to think and behave as your
mentors wished also meant running the risk
of incurring parental displeasure (which feels
like losing the parent's love). You were
coerced with the threat of being ostracized at
a time in your life when you needed to feel
that you were protected and belonged. In
response to the treatment you did what you
had to d o . . . you believed. You had no
choice but to believe . . . T H E N .
For some other White children the scenario
was different You were coerced into believ
ing that “we are all equal,” (read, we are all the
same). Since most adults aren’t able to say
exactly what they mean when expressing this
“noble" idea, information transferred to the
child (you) was full of emotion but am bigu
ous in its relationship to the real world. Often
the unspoken part of the “we are all equal”
message is that people who aren't male and
White are personally handicapped. Society’s
equal.”
Black children are indoctrinated too. The
same techniques of ridicule, humiliation and
the threatened loss of love and protection
were used to coerce us to insure that boys
aren’t “sissy,” girls become “femmy" and
that neither boys nor girls trust White people.
Th e sexist indoctrination of Black children is
passed from generation to generation for the
same reasons as for White children, i.e. to
maintain the status quo of White, male supre
macy using the mechanisms of woman-
hating and homophobia. Th e indoctrination
of Black children with a mistrust of White
people is in direct response to the reality of
Black life in America. While White children
are coerced into hating Blacks and other
people of color in order to maintain the ra
cial status quo, Black children are coerced
into hating/mistrusting whites and other
people of color because of the existence of
the racial status quo. O u r parents teach us to
distrust because to trust White folks too
quickly (if at all), to be honest with White
people, or to care too m uch for them could
mean betrayal, physical injury, humiliation,
rejection, danger for other Black people, a jail
sentence, death, or all of the above. We, too,
have had no choice but to believe in the
negative, not just because our parents taught
us but because we have learned from the
White society that caring too m uch can be
dangerous to our health.
So what do we do with all of this as we
continue to "deal with our racism and sex
ism?” We need to accept the reality that there
is no simple and painless way of learning to
manage our biases or in ridding ourselves of
the impact they have on our lives. We need to
accept the fact that most of us had no data
and no choice when we developed our first
responses to the issues of race and sex. Next
to acknowledge that the discomfort, pain and
confusions we experience around sex and
race are real feelings related to the experi
ence of being a child and coerced into blind
fear and/or blind arrogance. Th en recognize
and accept that many of the reasons for my
Black Lesbian fears and defenses are most
often different from the reasons for your White
gay/lesbian, Black gay fears (and that the
existence of the differences means we must
L IS T E N to one another). Know that the re
sponses of m y sisters and brothers of Color,
whether homosexual or heterosexual are
grounded in the history of being physically
and psychologically brutalized by White
people in America. Finally, make it even more
personal and realize that the origins of that
knot of fear in the pit of your stomach, lie in
your childhood, given to you when you were
helpless. This fear that makes it hard to speak,
because you are afraid of “losing something,"
or of being “attacked," or of cultural annihila
tion, was put into you for the purpose of
controlling your behavior as a child and con
sequently as an adult Become aware of that
fear, learn to manage it and you will be better
able to L IS TE N , SPEAK and A C T in ways
more consistent with what you believe to be
right just and loving. . . YCXJ A R E N O T
H ELPLESS A N YM O R E
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