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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 25, 1983)
My wife knows, enter into heterosexual marriages, the fear of but she is a losing those children keeps them there, often remarkable woman, at the expense of their own identity and fulfill a very noncurious m e n t The fears are well-founded. Maddox woman. It is perhaps reports that in 1970, the Lesbian Mothers surprising that she’s National Defense Fund in Seattle said only 1 never asked me where I’ve percent of contested cases were decided in been, but she’s a very favor of the Lesbian parent In 1982 that fi person. Her attitude has gure stood at 15 percent made it easy for me. I have Portland’s record is considerably better, the best of both worlds. I play but one woman observed. “ Maybe that's be the game by certain rules.” cause other places don’t have a Katharine English.” The Portland law firm of English and Janet Metcalf win most of their lesbian custody cases. “ I’ve been fortunate to win m ost of my cases that have gone to trial,” English said. She stressed, however, that societal prejudice against the gay parent is still very strong. Rates will improve as judges establish pre cedents which refuse to allow homosexuality as a consideration of a person’s parenting abilities. For example, a case in Denver in 1979 saw the court award custody of a girl to the lover of a deceased lesbian mother. More lesbians have been married than have gay men, according to a 1978 study by the Kinsey Institute for Sex Research in San Francisco. Researchers Alan Bell and Martin Weinberg reported that of the nearly 1000 people interviewed, one fifth of the men had been married at some point. In contrast, one third of the white lesbians and nearly half the black lesbians interviewed had been married. The study suggests “the female variety of homosexuality is hidden more frequently in the closet of marriage.’’ Bell and Weinberg also advance the expla nation that many women did not realize they were lesbian until after they married, while the men knew or suspected they were gay much earlier in life. Even for those who knew, though, Bell and Weinberg report two thirds did not tell their wives prior to marriage. The London Gay Switchboard estimates only about 10 percent tell their wives. Those who do often promise to change their ways upon entrance into the straight world. That disclosure triggers different responses from different people. Earl’s wife, whom he He continues, “ She accepts it and lives describes as basically conservative, offered with it because she loves me. I have had every to allow the marriage to continue and to allow sort of venereal disease. And have passed him to have homosexual affairs as well. Mad them all on to my wife. She's never com dox chronicles other cases like Earl’s. plained. It’s a measure of the sort of woman Her acceptance has changed to “ mis she is. She’s had treatment; we’ve been to the directed anger," Earl said. He attributes that to same VD clinic.” her feelings of betrayal, an unhappy second The counterpart of the “ remarkable" wife, marriage, and like women in that situation according to Maddox, is the “ denying described by Maddox, an anger toward her husband.” She cites one husband who drove father. Earl does not see resolution of the his lesbian wife to visit her lover, waited in the situation as possible. His divorce was final ten car, drove her home and never asked what years ago. was going on. The most visible example is Some gay people do not divorce their Larry King, husband of tennis professional heterosexual mates, and openly admit being Billie Jean King. Maddox tells of an interview gay. The social acceptability of marriage, the following Billie Jean’s admission that she had opportunity for children and sexual partners had a lesbian affair with her secretary. When of their choice would seem to place these the three traveled together, Larry King dis individuals in the type of Utopia being sought closed, he would go to his room and they by many gay people who marry. Maddox says would go to theirs without any anxiety or most of these relationships are between gay tension or any admission that things were out men and straight women. Can these arrange of the ordinary. ments be mutually beneficial? Maddox raises As things change, will the incidence of some questions, summarized well in a dis heterosexual marriage for gay people turbing interview with a gay male journalist decrease? Marriage has been pushed for as a cure for homosexuality for many years by well- meaning counselors, clergy and families. The young gay male is advised to find himself a wife and settle down with a house in the suburbs, a double car garage and 2.5 children. Just Out Nov 25-Dec 9 Societal pressures, are easing in many places and marriage is not as likely to be viewed as a cure for homosexuality. Gay people wanting to parent are finding it easier to form families through artificial insemina tion, adoption and foster care programs According to “ Gay liberation is too recent for anyone to know whether or not homosexuals will lose their interest in marry ing heterosexually. What is clear now is that many homosexuals, in or out of the closet, male or female, feel that two sexes are needed to make a home, and that marriage is their goal, if only they can find the right person. That assumption is certainly open to debate and question. Reasons for such a move can range from love, to to cure or conceal homosexuality, to the desire for children, to the desire for quick riches or a better job. Whatever they are, the serious long and ramifications of that decision merit careful consideration. Trust me. I tried it twice. photo by Sherri Riggs The closet of marriage 7