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About The illustrated west shore. (Portland, Or.) 1891-1891 | View Entire Issue (April 11, 1891)
THE ILLUSTRATED WEST SHORE.
ward by the Aleutian islands and flows down the American coast, its warm
waters modifying the climate as far inland as the warm ocean winds penetrate,
its influence being felt to the extreme limit of California. The high coast
mountains in Alaska cut off the interior from the beneficent influence of this
great ocean river, and thus assist to make the wonderful contrast in the climate
of adjacent localities in that northern region. The Alaskan tourists sees in
the distance the snows of winter and feels upon his brow the balmy breezes
of summer, while around him are peaceful, sun-kissed waters and islands clad
in the verdant garb of the forest.
THE Jl'RY BY PROXY.
KANSAS BAILIFF (re-entering court room alone) May it please yer
honor, the verdict uv the jury is "not guilty."
Judge Ti, eh? Why don't the jury come in and say so, then?
BAILIFF Wal, you see, yer honor, they was still wranglin' over it when
a boy hollered in at the winder that trtar was an eastern capitalist up in town
lookin' fcr bargains in lots, so they told me to bring in any verdict I blame
pleased, an' skipped out uv the winder to hunt up the capitalist. I reckon
"not guilty" is alwut the correct thing, and
J UDGE What's that capitalist in town? I court stands adjourned
till tomorrow I Know where he is now, Jim ?
SPECTATOR (to bailiff, after departure of judge) Why didn't you go,
Bailiff (cheerfully) Oh, I hain't got no lots !
A DEGRADING ACCIDENT.
Mrs. Pongee I was so shocked to hear that Mr. Creme had been
run over by a train. Is he hurt much ?
Mrs. Della CREME (sobbing) The doctors can't tell yet. But think
of the disgrace. He was run over by a freight train !
THE WAIL OF THE FINEST.
Policeman RAFFKRTV Did yei hear about Flaherty?
Policeman Dougherty Is it Flaherty. wot shot the man wot was
runnin' to ketch the noight car?
P. R The same. The coryner's jury has cinsured him severely.
P. I). Faix, the coorts are takin' away our privileges ivery day.
Physician (to druggist who believes in doctors paying for what they
use) Have you observed that a wet snge absorbs the odor of drugs?
Druggist (to physician who believes in helping himself freely in drag
stores) Yes. I have observed, also, that a dry sponge absorbs lots of
Hk Well, my uVar, wlut do you m out of llw wtmkm?
Shk -Nullum in urtKulir, onl) thn Orrgon weather irimmU me of
I IK In what trt l?
Suit Such an endleM mm.
XlK. A. (to Miss H.. who has been visiting England) And
may I ask what you think of llie Knglish ?
Miss I!. To I very candid, I think they must be very un
clean. They actually tub. as they call it, every day .
Justice Westshore (of Ml. Hood City) Mr. Hooker, this new
comer charges you with swindling, alleging that there is a crater of an extinct
volcano on the lots you recently sold him in your Cascade range addition to
Mr. Hooker (a fisher for men) Well, I acknowledge, judge, that the
mountains do sort o' meander through my addition, and that there are a lew
cavities in the vicinity ! but the stranger expressly stated that he was looking
for an opening where he could get into active operations, and as there is a
boiling spring at the bottom of his crater, I felt that I was suiting his taste to
a dot. The gentleman is evidently a carper.
DISPENSING WITH PROVIDENCE.
Chief of Vigilantes (to prisoner) Before we string you up fer the
cold-blooded murder uv that newcomer, if you've got ary shadder uv'an ex
cuse to otfer we'll give you time to make it.
Alkali Ike (on the barrel) Wal, ye see, the feller met me jest after
he'd dyed his whiskers black, an' I couldn't stand it an'
Vigilantes (in one voice) Not guilty ! The departed died uv a dis
pensation with Providence !
THE KANSAS STYLE.
Reporter of City Daily (viewing the ruins after a cyclone) The
scene beggars description ! Everything blown away s the settlement com
pletely obliterated and dejxipulated ; not a soul left
Head of Prominent Citizen (emerging from cyclone pit) Howdy,
stranger! Right brisk wind, wasn't it? Say, if you're looking for bargains
in comer lots, I
Other Heads (as the pits open, one after another) Me too ! Me too I
Me too !
lot rist Are the efforts ol the reform committee crowned with suc
cess? Prominent Citijien.-You bet! The Sunday races don't begin now
till (he Y. M. C. A. meetin's over. We believe in givin' everybody an equal
A RARE FLOWER.
Gardener Yes, Miss Redwnmg, we have all the rare plants.
Miss Redwrong Oh, please show me one of those flour mill plants.
Ai you go through life, my dear young man,
I Wt have too raucioiu a maw ;
I Wl get mi grmly to haul in the tcaiU
Ai to bile off loo much for one chaw.