THE WEST SHORE.
175
A DAMI'KK.
When I was young and passionate I fell in love with Gretchin;
I went to see her one Sunday and found her in the kitchen.
1 split the kindlings and the wood, and helped her build a fire,
And as the cook stove hotter grew, my hopes waxed higher and
higher.
"Oh. Gretchen, dear, behold!" I cried; "this flume is like my
passion
It burns, at touch of your sweet hands, in most tumultuous fashion.
Beware, sweet girl, with fire and love 'tis dangerous to tamper."
" Why, yes," she said! "of course It is, Joe; suppose you shut the
dani)er."
t PERTAINING TO ELECTIONS.
Fond Parent What are the elective studies at
your college, John ?
JOHN Political economy, I guess. That's about politics and elections
and such things, isn't it?
Fangle Have you read " Miss Nobody of Nowhere?"
Cumso "Miss Nobody of Nowhere?" No, I haven't read it. I'm
tired of these novels of Boston life.
AFFECTING NATURE EVEN.
Trotter (a returned traveler) Montana is a great place for bad liquor.
Dogly Is it?
TROTTER Yes ; even the mountains are Rocky.
A FAVORABLE IMPRESSION.
AMY Papa, do you know anything of Mr. Rustle, who lias called on
me once or twice?
Papa He's a young business man.
AMY Ah ! I like a man who means business.
HE WASN'T A TEETOTALER.
New Pastor (on his first parochial visit) Is your husband a teetotaler,
madam ?
Embarrassed Parishioner (hesitatingly) Well, no, he isn't quite
as bad as that j but he makes a night of it once in a while with the boys.
When fair young girl begins to faint.
A young nun's chance Is slim;
He must either let the maiden drop,
Or she'll get the drop on him.
If !fcM
S -IMS ill
ft" W
f
Javsmitii (glnonulyl-UrUn called me lUr today.
Mkh, Javsmith lndignntly-ll y '" 10 V" ll?
Iavsmith It wiun't mwsnry.
A DELICATE LUNCH.
" Mawnin', Marse Wilson; does yo' wan' to buy a bale ub cotten?"
remarked Uncle Amos as he halted the rickety conveyance which contained
the sole product of his year's farming before the door of the village store.
" What are you asking for it? " inquired the merchant.
" Specs nine cents am 'bout a fair price, sah."
" Can't give you more than eight and thtxt-fourths. The Liverpool
market is lower this morning and there's a regular panic in New York."
" All right, marsa i dat am powerful low, but I link I'll hab ter tuk de
money, be ole woman wants some sttgah an' calico, an' I s'pose yo' wouldn't
trus' fur much mo'. How
much does I owe yo' now,
sah?"
"About thirty dollars,
I think. But I will make
up your account while the
cotton is being weighed."
" Yes, an' say, marsa,
it's nigh on ter noon, an'
dis ole nigger has been
dribin' all de mawnin'.
Ain't yo' a gwine ter throw
in some crackers an'
cheese on de strength ub
de trade, sah?"
The store keeper got
out a pound of soda bis
cuit and gave them to
Uncle Amos, and then,
in a spirit of waggery,
reached up to the shelf
and handed him one of
those small, round pack-.
ages of axle grease which
come neatly wrapped up
in tin foil, saying, as he
did so :
" Here's some very
fine imported German
cheese, uncle. Just try it
and see if it doesn't make
those crackers slip down as though they were greased."
"Hya! Hya! No doubt 'bout dat. Much 'bliged ter yo', sah," and
the old darkey retired to the wagon to enjoy the prospective repast, I
The store kef per busied himself in the tangled account for a few moments,
then glancing through the open door he called out :
" Have a good lunch, uncle? "
" Well, dem crackers was migbty line, lur suah. ' I ain't aayin' nuffin'
agin dem. But de cheese ! I done got away wid it, sah, but I mus' say one
thing i it was de ransomest cheese (lis nigger eblwr et 1 "
Harry Romaink.
STOKY TKI.I.K.KS.
Your confidences never share
With novrlists, I pray,
For thry will but Increase your care
Such tell tale fellows they.
Ingall's pieces are virulent fractions, for now tli.it he it not h in" he it
all " gall."
ACCOUNTING FOR THE RISE.
Got Kk Your necktie it working up above your collar.
SPATTS Is it? Gosh darn the McKinlry bill, anyhow.
EARLY PUNCTUATION.
TKACIU.R Freddy Fangle, you may tell ut about the antediluvian
period.
FREDDY The antediluvian period it the full tlop tli.it the flood brought
on the world.
SHOWS WHAT HE THOUGHT OK IlliK.
SlIK Idelicatrly pluiutlvc) 1 am to unforinne as to
possess the gift of divining exnetly what every one thinks
of me.
It K (nlnent mlndrdlyHWell, that It unfortuuate, by
Jove!