THE WEST SHORE.
PROOF POSITIVE.
MRS. Pompous Our new neighbor across the way is very unladylike and quite a
busybody, I'm sure.
Pompous Why, my dear, how can you know that?
MRS. Pompous (firmly) Well, I know this much. 1 caught her today looking
over her blinds to set what I was doing.
Pompous How did you catch her?
Mrs. Pompous Why, I was just peeping over the blinds to see if I could see
what she was doing.
TOO SUSPICIOUS BY HALF.
Rk.V. Jonas CLUITKRHY (to his seatmate on the train) Hw fast we travel!
Hut, ah, young man, have you ever thought of the flight of time? Think of the fleeting
hours of youth, the golden days that swiftly pass away? Have you ever counted the
minutes
BATTKRSHY (unregenerate and suspicious) What arc you trying to do? Sell me
a watch?
A STRIKING TESTIMONIAL.
Doctor Drown That was a very interesting case of Miss Squaller's. For nearly
a year she had lost her voice entirely, but I sue- -
ceeded in restoring it perfectly.
FKIKND You deserve a testimonial to your
skill.
Doctor Drown I received one this
morning. The man who lives next door to Miss
SqualU-r shot at me.
GETTING OFF EASY.
RoilNliKR Well, old nmn, I guess I'll
nave to go nonic now. f lit
itiiiiunku t ,., ...., u:r -;m i ...
mad that she won't speak to you.
Kot'NOKR-rm sure I ho so.
HOW IT KNDKI).
Hp mmle tnonrv tu a fanner, hi good, old, humiit
work,
llul he wished In make It lanler, mid wi began tu shirk.
Mr mild hl (ami nml ail the aiih into a Wall klrrrl
scheme,
Ami mm he nms mi mh curt Mund one hour Irani.
-A . $J
Hk-H 1 win that handsome silver set at the raffle, love, I'll bring it
home 10 you.
SlIK ( trying to be magnanimous V-Hut, dear, had you not belter give
il to your mother?
Hk ( forgetting himself ) O, that is a good onel Why, my mother
wouldn't have lhat old plated thing in her house.
TOUCHING LOVE.
Knmptured at her feet he kneels,
One word of love entreating,
One glance of those averted eyes
To still his heart's wild beating.
A look of pnin flits o'er her face;
A tear steals down her cheek;
A smothered sigh dies on her lips,
Thai yet refuse to speak.
" I've touched your heart," he softly pleads.
" Kill not the love new bom."
With glowing cheeks his love replies;
" You only touched my corn."
S. G. ('AKI'KNTKR.
PLAINLY ITT.
KrilKl. That horrid May Shurulry says lhat 1 paint my fare
nml dye my hair.
KlilTII-Shc is brutally fnmk, isn't she?
" I asked Dobbs about a simple matter,
and he knew nothing about it, and yet he claims
to be a well posted man."
" So he is j he's been up on the club bul
letin lor non-payment of dues in almost every
club he belongs to."
"Iff Is
rl) & U intact
' . 1 1 IV I. m - ! - AM
mm
First Gknt (coming up behind second
gent and giving him a rousing slap upon the
shoulder) Howdy, Bub! Don't you remember me ?
Skcon I) GENT (who proves to be a total stranger, answers coldly) I can't recall
your face, sir, but I've seen fellows before with cheek similar to yours.
ECONOMY.
" They say that Winks married a Kansas girl. How did it come about? "
" Well, you know Winks always was a big eater for a stingy man. His wife is the
girl who took first priie at the cooking school at Atchison, Kansas, for making a two-pound
loaf of brrad out of one pound of flour."
VALUABLE INFORMATION.
" 0, dear," sighed Mrs. Cumso, ' I've got paresis and any quantity of dreadful
diseases."
" I tlidn't know you had anything of the kind," replied Cumso.
" I tlidn't, either, until I read this patent medicine advertisement."
AN I NAlVlU'NTAM.K CIIASliK.
M. Kaniii kA gwow and ' air " v much alike, r ihev,
limit?
Ma. t .VMilK N.i, lliet'n quilr itinVrrnt Unls.
VI v r'ANiil - Then isn't i strangr lh.il uhI I was a duck trtorr
we wife nuiitett, tiut mm ytw call me an old gootr?
Savso I hear you are going to be married, Hopkins.
Hopkins Yes, I am t and, I tell you, it's a big risk to take.
Savso Yes, it is. She must be a very courageous woman.
DAfHlKV-What a lovely face Miss Hither has ! How I should like to paint H
MISS CAUSTIOIK-She couul probably give you a few points, she has painted it
so often.