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About The west shore. (Portland, Or.) 1875-1891 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 14, 1891)
107 THE POET'S MISTAKE. " Her lock! than gold are far mora bright "- So Bang the poet lover " More radiant than the sunbeams' light The crowns they weave above her. WEST SHORE. " Like phosphorescent flames that glow On ocean's rolling billow, Tonight, metbinks, those tressee show Their glories on her pillow I " But if those locks he praised in song To see he had been able, He wonld have known that he was wrong They lay upon her table. R. H. Titiiirimotok. REDUCED TO SMALL COINS. Lbarnio Raooleb Hello, Jim, so you're in town, eh? Where are your winter quar ters? Impoverished Waggles Nowhere, Tom. I ain't got bat a dime to my name. HE WASN'T A POINTER. Miss Hytoki (at an evening social) Mr. Western, I imagine from jour military fig- -ore that yon are a West Pointer. Mh. Western (a printer) No, ma'am; I am of a different type a setter, Freddie Pa, what is natural philosophy T Pa Natural philosophy, my boy, is the science of cause and reason. For instance, yon can see there is a crack behind that door, but you can not tell why it is there until-" Freddy (interrupting) Ob, yes I can, pa ; It's there 'cause ma needs it to peep through when you go into the kitchen. Visitor Do you devote much space In your paper to society intelligence? Editor No; society doesn't have more than about a stickful of intelligence, at best. Widow's Daughter Stop, or I'll icream for mother. He For heaven's sake don't; she doesn't expert me until tomorrow night. Miis. Pahlou So you don't like those orange fritters? Why, my first husband used to eat ten or a dozen of them at a time. Mr. Parloh Well, he's dead, isn't he? REAL HUMOR. " Is that new play you saw last night funny ? " " Oh, immensely funny I One of the charac ters falls off chair and gets kicked by a mule, and another one wears somebody else's hat" A GOOD REASON. Rons I Intend to take the conceit out of Sid ney Miller before I let him fall. Pearl You'd better not. Robe-Why? Pearl Because if you did be would be too light to tall. iii i Mil tu Mt CURTAILING EXPENSES. Wike I am going to econo mise in our household expens es, Charlie. Charlie (kissing her fondly) -What a dear little wifey you are. Wike (continuing) Yes, I've discharged (lie servant girl and hired a Chinaman. Husband But where dots the economy come in ? Wike Why, the kisses you were obliged to pay her for you can get from me for nothing. A PRIVATE SNAP. First Tramp (coming out on the road at a run) I struck a Visitor (to magaiine editor) Do you care for any more war art! cles, sir? Editor No, I think not. The late rebellion has been pretty ngD at that house. thoroughly written np. Second Tramp Wbat was It Visitor My articles would relate to a more recent conflict. hot meal an' no wood ter Editor Indeed I Wbat? HWf Visitor-I married a widow a year ago. fmgt Tramp-No ; a bulldog. " Henry, I want to know who that woman is you have at your office." " Why, my dear, I have no woman there at all." " You needn't try to fool me; I heard you tell Mr. Watson about your Callie Graff." COULDN'T HEAR HIMSELF THINK. " Oi can't bear mesllf think," said Pat to his romping children, " an' its moighty lucky fer yes all that 01 can't, fer 01 was jlat a tlilnkin' of killin' yri if yes didn't make liss noise." Rue Why do you look at me so? He I want to see why you are smiling. She How can I help smiling If you stare like Uiat? Hk How can I help staring if you smile like that? " Could you spare me a little money for a few days, Jones? " " Of course I can my dear fellow all I have is at your service. Come into the office and I'll give you a check for a thousand dollars," " H'm I'd sooner have a dollar and a quarter in cash." MORE MENDING TO DO. Convert (who has but recently espoused (he faith and has Just " busted " his suspenders) Dang the dinged luck I Minuter (wbo happens to hear the remark) Tut, tut, man, you mustn't swear. I thought you had mended your ways. Convert (confusedly) So I have, parson, so I have; and now I've got to mend these dinged suspenders.