The west shore., February 07, 1891, Page 91, Image 5

WEST SHORE.
91
" I tell yon, laugh as yon will, Mr. Softey has clear head."
"Indeed!"
"Yea, clear of all brains."
Ethel Why, are yon so foolish as to be afraid of the dark? I am not
in the leant.
Mabel You forget that the dark is not so kind to me as to you.
PROOF OF AUTHENTICITY.
McWatty (at the breakfast table) Mrs. Small, this egg has a chicken
in it.
Mas Small Shows it is genuine. I never nse artificial eggs.
Chaeui I talked to Miss Beauty for long while last night, but I'm
afraid I bored her, don't you know.
Jack Not a bit. She told me afterwards that she never had so much
ran in her life.
THE MACHINE AND THE MAIDEN.
Browh These large cabinet machines take np a great deal of space. I
wish somebody would invent a typewriter that one could hold on his knee.
Smith I've got one.
MUST CHANGE THE PLACE.
Miss Twilling I suppose you remember, Mr. Calloway, that last night,
in spite of my fruitless struggles, you had the effrontery, sir, to actually
kiss me.
Calloway (meekly) Yes, I remember the circumstance.
Miss Twilling Well, if you think you are going to
repeat that operation in the hall tonight, you are much mis
taken. I don't propose to leave this room all the evening.
1 ' ''P'iW'?"s , A-ft!MX tore
FELINE PRESERVES.
" Mamma," asked Benny Bloobumper, " why do you
preserve cats?"
" What on earth do you mean T " i
" I heard you tell Mrs. Garlick about putting catsup in
bottles."
Benedict (to editor) I always thought you were mar
ried till you offered prizes for a word contest.
Editor Well er I don't quite see how our priie offer
could enlighten you on that point.
Benedict Don't, ehT Why, man alive, we married
men don't have to offer priies for word contests ; we get 'em
free.
.i hi
GENUINE BINDER.
" See here vonce, mine frendt. Vy you call dot Khein vine? Dot net
fer coome from Chermany alretty."
" No, sir; it was made of apple and peach rinds, sir."
Win (looking up coldly as her husband enters) Sir I You have been
drinking again I
Husband (in an injured tone) My i-dear, you mlsshudge me 's usual.
Haven't drank a d-drop. Mosh ezt'ror'nary thing ever
heard. Barber washed m' head 'n alc'hol.
Your face was so fair,
And we were alone;
I was tempted to dare,
Your face was so fair;
Those red lips a toft snare ;
Can I ever atone T
Your face was so fair,
And we were alone.
Harry Romaini.
Annie (reading) Miss Goldbaga has married Prince
Emptypursky. Do you know they say those titled rows
abuse their American wives shamefully T
Fanny (with an ecstatlo thrill)-Yes, but think how
lovely and Interesting It must be to have a real prince abuse
youl
Belli (meeting her friend on the street) 0, dearest,
Mr. DeLislethread paid you the loveliest compliment last
night.
.Kill (dellghted)-Really?
Bulls (sweetly) Yes, Indeed ; he thought your bonnet
too sweet for anything. Said it was quite the nicest thing
about you.
.. .
Artist's Friend I hear yon married a model.
Artist Yon insult me, sir. I married a well known 'society lady.
Artist's Friend Indeed? Yon surprise me. I was told you would
find her a regular poser.
PAINFULLY ALARMED.
DeBinos-I am painfully alarmed for fear that my mother-in-law Is
losing her reputation for veracity,
DeBanos Why lo?
DeBinos Why, she threatens every morning to leave my house, but
the never goes.
THE LADIES' VALENTINE.
Here's to the maids whose cops of brimming pleasure
Are overflowed with quick detlghta, whose thrill
Lends to each drop of life's eiciuliite measure
The rosy glow that brings no after ill.
Bright be your eyes, your lips si sweet and tender
As those fond posts sung In dsyt along;
And may your hearts, fond dears, as warm engender
The love that dwells today in rythmic song.
If you've old scars of loves, my ladles, bide them
We'll quite forget you were forgotten once;
Don't cast your sneers, no human kinds abide them
They laugh to scorn the Jack's tart 'neath the dunce.
Don't poke your tour missives 'neath our portal,
To prick our pride and torlnie till wt moan ;
For, If you do not lovt at, ust think we are mortal,
And, if you bate us, kindly let us alone.
II. B. Killer,