WEST SHORE.
AMONG THE LAWMAKERS.
Any one licking In due respect (or the lw should ipend a few days at
the capital and toe how fearfully and wonderfully it Is made, and thenceforth
b would bow down before 11 In reverence. Unaopbiaticated people have
an Idea that the choaen repreaentatlvea of the people meet together and die
cum meaaurea for the welfare of the state; that great principles of govern
ment are argued ; that logic flowa like water this may be true, for water
flowi but little ; that forensic eloquence rlngi through the legitlative halls
and echoes from the lofty recesses of the celling this is now avoided by
long strips of cloth flys, to prevent animated speakers from receiving back
from the ceiling broken and unintelligible chunks of their own eloquence to
confound them ; that when every " honorable gentleman from county "
has expressed his unalterable convictions, a vote is taken and the bill passes
or fails, as the combined wisdom of the members shall decree. Beautiful
and pastoral as this idyllic conception Is, and It seems almost like profana
tion to dethrone such an one, It falls like formless clay when one sees the
actual process of law making. The first thing one learns after reaching the
sacred precinct Is that the legislature is composed of Tom, Dick and Harry,
fellows he meeta every day. Of course, he may only be personally acquaint
ed with Harry, but some one else knows Tom and Dick, and altogether we
know them all. If he go there with fear and trembling on behalf of Harry,
who, be thinks, will have a hard time to keep himself above absolute ob
scurity among such a collection of the wise men of the state, the chosen
representatives of the people, he soon learns that Tom and Dick's friends
have u much reason to be afraid of Harry aa he of them. That genial and
bluff old soul, General Dick Ogleeby, ex-senator and ei-governor of Illinois,
relates his experience on this point in his characteristically blunt and humor
oua way. He says that when he first entered Die senate chamber and
looked about at the array of white beads, and felt that before him aat the
wise men of the nation, those who name had been household words for
many years, he stood in mingled awe and amaiement, wondering how in
the world he ever got there; but after be bad been there a few weeks, had
heard them talk, had seen them eat and drink and amoke and chew, he
wondered how in the world any of them got there. It la in this discovery
that Tom and Dick are no greater than Harry, and possibly not so great,
that the visitor receives his first shock. Ills second comes when he learns
that his previous notion that the legislative branch of the government con
sist of two house explode, as It is sure to do with considerable force
when he aeea the third house transacting business. The chief distinction
between this house and the other two la that this on never adjourns. It
attends strictly to business In season and out of season, at the capltol, at
Die hotel, at dinner, at the theater, at church and in the luxurious irrigating
parlors. This house Is peculiarly constituted. It is self appointed and
require no qualifications for membership. Any fool who feels like it can
Join it and a great many do. Nevertheless It ha a great Influence upon
the course of legislation, and he who want to know how the cat Is going to
jump on any Important question will do well to ask some well-posted mem
ber of the third house.
Hut legislation doe not, by any means, depend upon the third house.
In fact, If that body did not exist there would probably be more of it, and,
on might add, of a better quality. Here Is another tiling the callow visitor
soon learns that the member when they go there have each a few pet
meaaurea they desire ardently to have passed, and are always open to con
viction aa to the merit of other bills when that conviction will secure a vote
for their own. Th member of the Olympia legislature who Introduced a
resolution making It an olleiioe equal to britiery for members to trade votes,
struck pretty near the root of a large evil, although he waa laughed out of
his position by his associate. Poorly equipped for practical work, Indeed,
I the legislator who has nothing to trade. Yankee blood will crop out, and
the ruling passion of swapping will assert Itielf. " Thrice armed la he who
hath hia quarrel just," but better heeled by far Is be who has his vote well
In hand for alwut forty dlflVrent tilings hi brother member want. Yea,
verily, then will he And th way h long has sought, and return to hia con
stituents with triumph on his brow and bis passed bill In bis pocket.
There are other diitie beilde voting for each other' bill Die members
hv to perform. They most tay " no," and aay It hard and often, not to
Invitations to Impromptu session of th Irrigation committee, for the woM
la nut known In th book of etiquette used on tuch occasion, but to Die
applicant for clerkship. This duty falls with peculiar tore upon the
chairmen of committee. When (lit house or nat adjourns on th day
the committee are announced, the poor men art mad to realist fully the
meaning of th ot when h sang:
The aitrrUa mum 4wi like wolf on lb. fold t
HI. oukota all stasia iU parpU aud M.
Kor, Ilk a cloud of Kan graaahopper, th applicant, both malt and
(einalt, who have been hovering around In anticipation of tills vnt, rise
up and nrlop th luckless lucky one, and ft brave man I h who give
them valiant battl. This I on of th penallie of greatness, on of th
nickel th legislator hi to drop Into th slot of th niachin that elevate
him above his fellows. " Wretched is that poor man that hangs on princes'
favors'" and equally wteiched is the trusting, hoping, despairing but ever
seeking applicant for a clerkship. A promise is not a . good prcm.se unless
it Is kePt, and these off-color promises are dealt out with ft liberal band by
those badgered committeemen who would fain get far beyond the mad
dening crowd's ignoble strife," and attend a session of he ligation com
mittee This is a matter that will never be properly settled until the legis
lature adopts the principle that clerks shall only be paid for the work they
actually perform. There has been a great deal of fun made of the lady
clerks and much has been said complimentary to neither their ability nor
character. This is entirely undeserved. So far as intelligence goes, they
are equal to the average of applicants for clerkships in other lines of busi
ness and the same is true of them so far as their character and conduct are
concerned. The root of the difficulty is that clerks are appointed for com
mittees that have no earthly use for them, and that under such circum
stances it is needless to inquire into their qualifications. From among the
applicants it is possible to select good, reliable, serviceable clerk for those
committees that actually need them, and if this be not done It is folly to lay
the blame upon the clerks. Let the clerks be selected in the same way
they would be chosen by the same persons for their private business, and
there will be little complaint on the score of Incompetency. There is one
official speaker, but there are four or five self appointed speakers who cost
the state about $i,000 apiece preaching economy. The session costs more
than $1,000 a day, and a little mathematical calculation will convince the
wordy member's admiring constituents that words cost money, even If they
are but the veriest rant. These silver-tongued orators should learn that
silence is golden.
Then there are other duties for the members to perform. Many things
must be investigated, and examining committee flit hither and.yon, shed
ding the calcium light of official inquiry upon everything. The doors of the
penitentiary and insane asylum stand tremblingly ajar to receive them
temporarily only and anxious officials exhibit politeness of demeanor
and a cordiality of reception that they themselves hardly recognize as
familiar. Even the inmates of those institutions feel the Infection In the
air and enjoy it, for they know it bodes them well for a few weeks. If their
votes could settls It the legislature would remain In constant session and
send ou. an investigating committee every week. Not only these two great
Institutions feel the infection, but the officials of every kind of establish
ment who want to get a fair look at the treasury, or who have heads to lose,
become, for the nonce, models of propriety and aaintlinee. How far the
pendulum swings the other way when the strain is passed it la not well to
inquire. Possibly a permanent board of asylum and prison commissioner
with apologies to Governor l'ennoyer for suggesting any more officials
(see cartoon) would have a tendency to perpetuate these holiday beatitudes
in our public Institutions.
Speaking of the governor, It must not be overlooked that he does ft great
deal of legislating himself, in addition to his executive duties and running
all the state offices and the supreme court. The legislators pass bill be
cause their eyes tell them it is white ; but, lo, the governor vetoes It on the
ground that it is black, and Immediately there 1 a chorus of voice that
exclaim, " Yea, verily, it is, indeed, black. We thought it white; but It
is surprising how black It is. Let it mourn for Itself in its own raiment."
This feature has not come to the surface yet, but there 1 one thing certain,
the governor can be depended upon for vetoes. To bs lure, Washington 1
a long distance away, and 181)2 has not come yet; but the telegraph line
are all In good working condition and time speeds on the wing of the
booming Chinook.
As an educator the legislature yields not the palm to anything. The
practical lessons of every day life it teaches sink deeply into the soul of it
pupils, and It influence-never mind for what-is far-reaching and perma
nent. One lesson is enough, as a general rule, and that one of the honor
able gentlemen has thoroughly learned his is proved by the following
pathetic lament, written on the back of a defunct bill, and rescued from the
omnivorous maw of the waste banket by one whose oul Is also attuned to
poetic harmonies:
THR I.1V OF TUB FI11SI BKSSION.
(Hilf, k mw wl familiar Kith la, ,
I brwuht with m. . litu, bill (, i , iuid,
And wend it th. w, Br.1, and rt It on th. docket.
Who it mm. up to t i Tou, Km. en.m,, to block It
Kf.nvd it lo . oonilttmia who pat it in hU pocket.
Mouu
I da t tr.i, ,h man who u . ,,,
latur. can not prevent th. heaven born nmse from bursting Into song.
Quill.