WEST SHORE.
57
Roguish, chic, petite Helena
With me ate a philopena.
" Now," she cried, " 'tis give and take ;
Yon most keep your wits awake ;
Not an instil", be remiss, t .
Though I proffer yon a kiss."
Ere her voice had ceased expressing,
To her lipa my lips were pressing.
Triumph conquered indignation,
And with gleeful exclamation,
" Philopena I " clamored she,
" For yon took a kiss from me."
" Nay, my wise one, nay, not so;
I did bat a kiss bestow,
You accepted it, Helena,
And from me, hence philopena I "
FRUSTRATED.
Fibbt Sneak Thief Didn't yon get on to the
steamer?
Second Sneak Thief Naw. They got on to me.
SHE WAS MISSED.
"Ah I "she cried, " if it's contested,
I'm becoming interested.
We'll begin anew to try
Who shall conquer, you or I.
I'll be ever on my guard ;
Every glance from you I'll ward ;
If a muscle to you cater,
Atrophy may seize the traitor."
Then I pleaded : " Lovely maiden,
Take me and my heart o'er laden
With the love It brings to you."
White lids veil her eyes of blue,
And her warm heart tints her cheeks.
" Involuntary," thus she speaks,
" Are heart muscles " (Learned Lena),
" You have won the philopena."
" Thus you pay me, blest Helena !
Be yourself the philopena.
Had I lost you, ghoulUh pain,
Wed with sorrow wretched twain ! '
Would have seised my broken heart
And devoured it, part and part,
A we, 0, my sweet Helena,
Ate that blissful philopena."
J. Edmund V. Cooke.
Mas. Winter (just back from visit to her moth
er) Did you miss me, dear, while I was gone, and
did the time seem long?
Mb. Winter Well, I should say It did. I wouldn't build fires again
every morning for six days for a farm.
CONSOLATION.
Litewavte I can't get on in the world. I have no show.
Bron8on No show I Why, my dear fellow, you are a whole circus In
yourself.
A Caller (to mother rocking her child) Do you have to mind that
baby all the while?
The Mother I don't calkelate to mind him at all. I'm goin' to larn
the young cub to mind me.
PROMPT RETURN FOR HIS MONEY.
" It's twins I Both boys ! " exclaimed the nurse, addressing the anxious
father, who bad been waiting In an adjoining room.
" Well, welll I advertised for a boy yesterday, but this is overdoing
It"
PUT TO THE TEST.
Baioos Didn't I hear something about your going to gtt married a
year or so ago?
Griggs 0, yes. My finna and I thought it would be a good thing to
give our love a final test ; so she went abroad for a year. She returned the
other day.
Briqos And was her love as fresh as ever?
Urioos lie was fresh enough. She married him in London.
TO ISABEL-AN ACROSTIC.
In dreams I see thee as thou art,
So fair, so pure, so near my heart ;
And as I gate the vision fades
Behind a mist the dream has made,
E!en as the moon, with peifect grace,
Lets oft the stray cloud hide her face.
HEREDITY.
Proud Parent And do you really think baby
is like his father?
Visitor Yes. He is bald and has a red face.
THE DARKER SIDE.
Mrs. Kryes I'm getting tired of these being-a-alster-to-him
jokes. Why don't they ever pub
lish something about a girl accepting a man?
Mr. Kryes Because, Maria, that's too serious
a subject for any humorous paper to tackle.
INTERRUPTED.
" The other night, just as Robinson was get
ting down on his knees to propose to a girl, his
suspender parted."
" How unfortunate. I suppose Robinson was
In a terrible rage, wasn't he? "
"No; but the girl was." ,
IRONCLAD.
Boarder (vainly struggling to carve a chicken)
This bird appears to have been inoculated by
Professor Koch.
Mrs. Hasuleioh Pray what do you mean?
Boarder It seems to be tolerably secure against
consumption,
' INSIDE.
Mr. Bingo Tommy, did you bring home to your
mother the pear I gave you today?
Tommy Yes, sir.
Mrs. Binoo That's strange. I never saw It.
Tommy I know you didn't; but it was there.
Bridget (to her mlitress) Cud yees be tellln' me
who lives in th' house fernlnst us, mum?
Mistress (graciously) Why, the gentleman who
wrote that beautiful and famous article, " How to keep
house without a servant." Why do you ask, Bridget?
Bridget Faith, an 01 sees th1 wolfe av 'Im
sphllttin' av th' wood, an' blackln' av 'Is boots, an'
performlnt th' owld dayvll's owen worruk glnerally,;
an' Oi was wonderrin', mum.
SAGACITY.
She Don't you sing? Why, how stupid of youl
He If you'd ever heard me try, you'd think It was everlasting smart
of me.