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About The west shore. (Portland, Or.) 1875-1891 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 20, 1890)
WEST SHORE. SHE DOES, TOO. Mas Gilbov-I never bear Mr. Larkin mention his wife. 1? (who knows Mrs. Larkin)-0, she can .peak fo, herself. RETURNING THE COMPLIMENT. Jack Dsdbrokk Ab, Miss Somers, you look as fresh a a rose this are fresher than that, Mr. Dedbroke. 86 THE TABLED TURNED. " Fair Rosalie, be mine! " I cried, " Be mine I love but thee! " The guileless fairy itrsight replied: " Thou first must aniwer me, And eay, am I the only maid For whom thy fancies pine? And in thy fickle heart e'er laid At any other shrine? Ml si r l t- " Men veer and change from day to day ; Wilt tbou be mine alone T n fell mo unit thou trulv say Th heart is all my own? J . Tell me that falsehood finds no place In thee, from head to feet ; Tell me there stands before my face A man without deceit 1" Then I broke forth : " 0, fairest maid, Before I answer yon Bo many questions I'm afraid , I'll have to ask a few. Of roan's deceitful wsys yon spoke ; Tell me, did yon e'er flirt? Did you e'er steal a heart in juke, Unmindful of Its hurt? " Those golden locks-excuse the hlntr- But are they yours alone? Vour pearly teeth, your cheek's bright tint, 0, are they all your own? Tell me that falsehood finds no place In you, from bead to feet; Tell me there stands before my face A maid without deceit! " RltMARI) H. TlTIISRINUTON. NO WONDER. Attorney (examining witness)-Did the defendant use intemperate language on that occasion? Witnebb Yes, sir; he had been drinking heavily for two days. ONE HE HAD FORGOTTEN. McCoBKiii The Argentine Republic is putting on airs. McCbacklk-I don't know of any. McCobkli You forget Buenos Ayres. Louise-How i it that you and Jack DePeyster are so cool to each other lately ? You used to be such great friends. Ada Why, didn't you know that we are engaged? tell. Hi (persistently)-I love you more than words can i Shi (coolly) Then why not let it go at that? . i.... vi nowadays." n oil, amy, u juu oiowji uuuio i -Y .h. i. hut I think she's mini Not necessarily." out, (or when she saw you come in the gate she said she wished she had gone (or walk hall an hour ago. " Talking about high-priced writers, I know a man who can get what he likea for everything be signs his name to." "Poet?" " No ; he writes prose. His name Is Jay Gould." KUNNIHOY'S EXPENSIVE JOKE. Mrs. IIahiii.iiuh Try some of this steak, Mr. Fun- niboy. Funnibov Thank you, 1 am not a police court judge, Mrs. Hashleigh, but yet I have to try a good many tough caste. Mrs Hahiii.iioii Mr. Funnlboy, I will want your room when your week is op. Teacher I don't see why you can't understand this rule In arithmetic, Johnny. It didn't take me five minutes to understand it when It was first explained to me. Johnny Perhaps your teacher explained it to you better. IN 18l. Impatient Traveler (to conductor) How soon shall we reach Chicago? Conmhtor We entered the city limits early this morning, sir, and if we meet with no bad luck we shall be at the exposition grounds about noon to-morrow. Nellii Auntie, what la a " formal reception? " Acntie A formal reception, my dear, ta an occasion whereon several people bore themselves to death for the pure delight of boring two or three hundred others in Uie same way. Nellie Why, Auntie, I thought that was a " function." A SMALL PRICE. " A penny for your thoughts! " exclaimed Miss Amy to young Goelin " ws (eel cheap " I'm ral hard." WORTH A CENT APIECE. Gasiibr Such police as we have I They are not worth a (hilling a dozen. Mabukb Why ? Gahiier Because each one is only a copper. FOOLING HIS PA. Johnny Cake I want to tell you about a cow-hiding this moming, pa. Old Caki (interested) Who got thrashed? Johnny 0, nobody. It was old Sukey, who hid herself when I wanted to drive her in to be milked. HE CAN DO IT EASILY. " I tell you it requires an artiste to draw a crowd "Indeed!" " Of course not. Any artist can do it." A TRIUMPH OF ARGUMENT. A penny for your thoughts! exclaimed Miss Amy to young Goslin. Might have warned you? You precious infantl Haven't " Weally, Miss Amy," replied Goelin, endeavoriog to be funny, " you make me you lived long enough to know you can't drink as you did on cheap." an empty stomach? " I'm sorry, but I thought you might possibly think a cent's worth If you tried Hid Zash shunh It! Stomack washn't empty hie! Momacx got full flrtt of all.
