WEST SHORE.
6!)
DRAWING THE LINE.
Customer Yon will at least give me credit for my good Intentions.
Tailor 0, yes ; bat no more credit for clothes.
THE ONLY KIND OF BEAU SHE HAS.
" I do love archery so well! " exclaimed Miss Elder, enthusiastically.
" Yes," replied Miss Amy ; " it gives yon a chance to have a bow."
SAD, INDEED.
" What makes yon look so glum, old man? "
" My wife went to Europe"
" Well, that leaves you to have a good old time, doesn't it? "
" She left her mother to keep house for me."
STRAUSS AND KATRINA.
I am vandering to-nighd by der saw mill,
Und der owls, als dey roost in der drees,
Und der bats, and der frogks, nnd der moonlighd
Make me titsmal, als ligevise der preeie.
For der owls hoot der same als dey used to,
Und der man in der moon, he vas nigh,
Und he loogk schust der same als of oltden
Ven he vatch me mit cynical eye ;
Yen he schmiled In der days of my poyhood,
Als he loogked on Katrlna and me,
Als ve sat in der shade of der saw mill
Vile he peeped drough der plack cloudte to see.
Und der frogks got der same kind of " rlcket,"
Und der owls hoot der same als of yore,
Ven I told my Katrina I lofted her
Und, lofting, vould loff efermore.
Berhaps, for dey see dot she leafs me
Ven a rich man vould press, too, his suidt ;
Berhaps, for dey see she vw,1 marry,
Und dot vas for vy dot dey hoot.
I am vandering to-nighd by der saw mill,
Und der bate, als dey dart drongh der trees,
Und der frogks, and der owls, and der moonlighd
Make me titsmal, als ligevise der preeie.
ADAIB WlLCKKR.
PERHAPS HE DID.
Mr. Snively How do I like being blackballed? What do you mean?
I haven't been blackballed.
Mrs. Smvily Haven't you ? Why, I heard a negro bawling after yon
just before yon came In. He wanted to '
be paid for that whitewashing, didn't
he?
MY QUEEN.
When I was young and love's delight
Stirred my poetic fancy,
My muse ne'er wearied to recite
The charms of peerless Nancy.
Sweet thoughts of her my mind would
throng;
My waked imagination
Made her the theme of all my long,
My fount of inspiration.
My mistress' heavenly eyes I hymned,
Her rosy cheek, her high brow ;
And, like the lover Shakes pe re limned,
Penned sonnets to her eyebrow.
I wrote of her at morn's first blink,
And by the midnight taper ;
I wasted pints and quarts of ink,
And quires and reams of paper.
The years have passed, and she's my
own
0, happy consummation I
And to my muse, less limber grown,
She still gives stimulation.
mm
Not a of old my eager hand
No longer leaps to praise her;
She issues her supreme command,
My pen perforce obeys her.
A SURE SIGN.
" That man must be a preacher."
" Judging from what? His coat?"
"No; his extremely ill-behaved-children."
IT WOULD BE A LOSS OF TIME.
Scribbler I've just published an
other novel, Johnson. You ought to
lose no time reading it.
Johnson Thanks for the hint, old
man. I'll be careful not to read It.
THE REPORT WAS ERRONEOUS.
Mrs. Bi'ntino Your husband if
quite a linguist, I hear, Mrs. Fangle.
Mrs. Fanui.i Well, no; he doesn't
know one note from another, in fact
He can apeak three or four languages,
though.
" Tom, here's your theme "thus falls the lash
" Please write a poem on it ;
I positively must have cash
To bay another bonnet I "
R. H. TlTHIRlKUTON.
Hr Don't you think Miss Dash is quite chic?
Sua She may be chic, but she'i no chicken.
BELONGED TO THE CHOIR.
" Is you friend Simco a baseballlst, too? " asked an enthusiast.
" No," was the reply ; " he bawls in tenor."
CULTURE BY THE OUNCE.
Miss Wouldbi (to druggist) Give me 'n ounce o' musk.
Miss Wouldhi Au.so 0, Gosh I Helen, don't buy musk I I saw 'n a
paper that It ain't cultured t' use musk.
Miss Wovldiii (crushlngly) Lord I I've saw Just as cultured people
as us use musk.
HIS EXPEDIENT.
Wiiitxly (to smalt boy)-Here, sonny, if you'll collect me a lot of
Insects, 1'U give you a quarter.
Small Boy Insects I What do yer
want 'em fer?
Wiiitily I want to put them on
my wife's plants. She won't let me
smoke In the house except to kill Insects
on the plant.
9k
IT 18 ALL IN THE HABIT.
Mr. Pacini' (of Oregon) It doesn't if em natural for a woman
to marry more than once.
Mrs. Lakesidi (of Chicago) 0, it dermis. Habit Is second
nature, you know.
HE PROTESTED.
Si'mway I hope cremation will
never become the recognUed mode of
burial.
Tamile Why not?
Humway Because I find it hard
enough to earn a living without having
to urn the dead alio.
I KEPT MY NAME.
She liked my name,
With rosy blush she did insist.
She liked my name,
Though hitherto unknown to fame;
But I preferred It should be missed
From off her church subscription list,
So kept my name.
H.L.W.