WEST SHORE.
53
Not In it the girl and her bathing suit.
AND HE DID.
Blooms You are not going home yet, are you, Jaysmith?
Jaysmith Yeeh (hie) I'm goin' to (hie) make a staler at it.
ANXIOUS TO OBLIGE.
Embarrassed Speaker (sotto voce) Say, give a word!
Obliging Friend (handing a book) Here'a a dictionary forty thou
sand words take your choice.
DEFIED DESCRIPTION.
Editor Did you see the big fire, Mr. Quildrive?
Qiudrivb (a reporter) I did, sir. The scene defied description.
Editor Then please write a two-column description of it at once.
BLOOMED UNSEEN.
Mrh. Baluiikuk Why, Thomas, I declare I There are a lot of fine
hairs on the lop of your head. You are getting a second growth of hair.
I never noticed it and you didn't say anything about it.
Baldhede (sadly) No, Matilda. I wanted to give them a chance to
grow.
JUST A FEW.
Ci'mso (after bis wife has mentioned a number of things she wants)
Are there any things you don't want?
Mrs. Cvmbo I don't want cholera or smallpox.
BALM .FOR HIS WOUNDED FEELINGS.
" Mad'm," said a man, entering a drug store wherein a young woman
stood behind the counter, " hev y'u got any mount'n bam? "
" Mountain balm? " replied the young woman, briskly. " Yes, sir."
" No, not mount'n 60m" was the snappish reply. " I said 60m, 'nd I
mean 60m.' Ef y'u don't know .
yer business what y'u here fer?
Ain't ther no man 'bout th' premises?"
" Madam, I am a victim of the
fire," began the dilapidated-looking
tramp as he accosted the lady
of the house.
" Victim of the fire, eh? Well,
yon bet you've struck just your
kind of a conflagration here."
And she slammed the door.
Blobbs You should not say
" tailor made girl," my dear, for
that is tautological.
Mrh. Blobbb What should I
say?
BiiOBBit Only " tailor maid."
THEY OFTEN DO.
Ethel (who is studying addition) Mamma, why do they say the " two
bears" of marriage?
Mamma Why, my dear, the two bears of marriage are bear and for
bear. Etbrl Well, Mamma, don't bear and fourbear make five bears?
HE DIDN'T BELIEVE IT.
Old Maid Women are always getting ill-treated in this world. What
they need more than anything else is comfort.
Old Bachelor I don't believe
I! J.
mm
ffit
WW
'I
'
Artiht (sotto voce, viewing bis model) I wonder in what spirit I ought to
treat this subject.
Model Make it whishky straight, yer honor.
that, for I once offered a poor
wash-woman her choice between
a load of good stove wood and a
pair of high-heel French shoes,
and she took the shoes.
A HOPELESS CASE.
Merchant (as clerk approach-es)-Well,
sir?
Clerk I would like an in
crease in my salary, sir.
Merchant (turning back to bli
desk) 'Most anybody would.
WANTED A CHEAP ONE.
Judge On what ground do
you ask for a divorce?
Ari'LicANT I am poor, sir, and
would like it on the ground floor.
ONE OF THE WORKEKS.
Moneybags But I'm told you
are very idle, Mr. Newstyles.
Cholly Newstyles I asaure
yon that that's not true, dontchewknow. I do great deal of very hard
work.
Moneybauh What work? .
Cnoi.LY Nkwhtyles I smoke fifteen packages of cigarettes every day.
HOW HE DOES IT.
Billinos You are sure you
lose $3 on this coat, Einstein,
Einmtkin So hellup me I I loses money on everydings I tells.
Billings But how do you make a living?
Einktein It vos mine pig pltnesa. I sells so mooch dot I can afford to.
Ov I had von liddle redall drade I couldn't do It meln friendt.
AN APPROPRIATE NAME.
Snooi'er It's a wonder to me that the Farmers' Alliance don't start
a choral society.
Simkral Why?
Snooi'er Because they are reef-formers.
THE PRESENT DUTY.
Mihs Bi.ekckrr (of New York) I see that there it a proposition to put
a duty on beans.
Mihs Emrkhoh (of Boston) A duty on beans already exists,
MiHsB.-Indeedl What it it?
Mihh E. To bake them to a delicious brown.
J!
CAN NOT LIVE ON BREAD ALONE.
Young McWatty My beloved Angelina, let me be
your bread winner all through life.
Angklina I want a man who can win a little pie.
SHE WANTED ASSURANCES.
Mrh. NuRox-Thil It Sterling silver, you say?
Jeweler Yes, madam.
Mrs. NoRox-Well", ii you are ture that Mr. Sterling
made it himself I'll take it.
PLEADING BY PROXY.
" Well," said Goslin, as he put on his hat, previous to a call on his
best girl, " I am going to plead my suit to-night"
" I would let it spetk for itself," replied Dolley, with a glance at the
checked trousers.
The flies bite so we can not snoots,
And to labor it It too hot;
We'll seek the cellar '1 thade and think
Of the whichltiveneatof the what.