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About The west shore. (Portland, Or.) 1875-1891 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 30, 1890)
37 BOTH HAD A PAIR. " How loud that dog's pants are I " " Yes; he's evidently trying to drown the noise made by yours." WEST SHORE. A QUESTION OF RANK. Jack (who takes an interest in politics) What the country needs is an honest count. Amy A genuine duke would suit me better. After Johnny Stubbs recovered bis breath from the whipping his father gave him for calling his Quaker maiden aunt " Old Ocean," he explained that he did it because she had such a " gray and melancholy " waist. SHE OUGHT TO HAVE KNOWN. " 0, Mabel, have you seen the latest thing in spoons?" "No, Amy; what is it?" " Icecream?" ALL THE RAGE. " What a stylish looking girl Miss Amy is!" exclaimed Goelin. " Yes," replied Jinks, " even her cheeks are hand-painted." WHY HE SMILED. " Hello, Bullies 1 What makes you wear that radiant smile this morning? " " A woman in high life has just eloped." " I don't see why that should amuse you." " It happens to be my own wife." AN EXPERT'S OPINION. Miss Bleeker (of New York) We have a discussion, Miss Livewayte, and we have de cided to let you settle it. Which is right, " drink soup " or " eat soup? " Miss Livewaytx (of Chicago) Well, for my part, I always sop it up with a piece of bread. EASY IN THE WRONG DIRECTION. " I see that financiers predict easier mon ey," remarked Gilroy. " Money is easy now," replied Larkin ; " easy to part with." NOTHING OF THE SORT. Judo (to colored witness) And when the prisoner struck you, did you retaliate? Uncle Javksinq Oh, no, youah honah, I wouldn' do nuflin' like dat, sah j I jess knocked him down. St, Ahedore Let's go to the club and have a quiet cigar. Tin Man from Boston Dear boy, do be more precise. Is a cigar anything but quiet? St. Aoedorr Indeed, it is. That one you have now is so loud that It smells to heaven. THE QUARREL. Sus You are exceedingly rude to-night. Why did yon send up word yon wanted to see me i( you were going to act like this? He Pardon me, I did not. I can not tell a lie, even to a servant. I only asked if you were at home. , THE FRENCH OF IT. Boston Girl Oh, these balmy meadows I The wind that steals across them is like the breath of past years. Western Girl (lotto voce) Pastyr I I must get onto that pronunciation must be the French of it ! We always call 'em partures out here. SURE TO SUCCEED. " Have you heard about the new scheme for supplying the city of Washington with ice?" " No; what is it?" " Why, they're going to get Senator Ed monds to stand in the Potomac river for five minutes every morning, Ice two feet thick will form all around him, THAT BOTHERSOME FAN. My heart is full of a maiden fair, The sweetest that e'er was seen, With gleams of gold in her sunny hair And wells of light 1' her een ; But, ah, I'm afraid This beautiful maid Is a trifle cold, And thinks I am bold, For she grants me naught but her fan to hold. And when I attempt to declare my love She manages artfully To hide her face behind the pesky tiling, And thus gets the drop on me ; And then, I declare, I almost despair, For what chance have I When she Is so shy? By Jinks ! I could fire that fan sky-high I Frank B. Welch. Stauhers The boss fired me yesterday, Madhox Is that so? I suppose It was because you were loaded. Jt? til A USE FOR IT AT LAST. Chinaman What a nulla you, all time pullee? Johnny I want It for my whip. Make John give it to me, mamma. HOW STRAUS LOVED HIS CADRINA. Of you knew mine secret feelings, ven 1 lofed you as a boy, 'Twould fill you mit abundant bride und discontented Joy, For I used to vish der Inljuns come und dry to take your scalb, Ven, hearing shrieks, I rush to you und safe you py mine helb. I used to vIbIi vrom off der wharf you In der Hirer fall, So I shump in und safe you ven you frandically call ; I vlshed kidnapping bandits come und carry you avay Till I, mit bow und arrow, make dem yield me up delr brey. Ah, yes, mine sweed Cadrlna, I haf vlshrd der dings for you Vould fill your heart mit habbiness und diive avay der blue ; I also bunded in der vooda In search for hidden gold To puy der rings I could not, as my boverty condrolled. I efen thoughd at times dot I vould take you to der bay Und ehteal a boat und sail mit you beyont der glouds of gray To some far distant island, vere der mongeys vas alone, Und barrota, und ourselves besides, down In der torrid sone. Und dere, beneath der lofdy palms, fanned by der gentle proete, Ve shleeb beneath der moonllghd, shlantlng drough der trees ; Und drough der voods, der lilllong day, ve vander handt In handt, Und trow der stones at barrots, or ve schase der mongey bandt. So, of you knew mine feelings, ven I lofed you as a boy, Twould fill you mit abundant bride und discontented joy, For In Imagination did I dream a tout and vaya To fill you up mit habbiness und gain your endless braise. Adah Welcx(.
