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About The west shore. (Portland, Or.) 1875-1891 | View Entire Issue (July 19, 1890)
Miiflic for the million-Millionaires.
Idaho Bill and Wyoming Bill haveboth been disposed of;
now let us put an end to Buffalo Bill and be happy.
THE PLACE FOR IT.
Famij.r In what class would you put dust?
Cumho In the sundries.
TWO OF A KIND.
Mm. Lahkin (meditatively) Appearances are deceitful.
Lahkin Not so much so as disappearances.
si&W 1 my
AS THE NEIGHBORS VIEW IT.
Mrs. Cutting f who 1i
Ret a dm. lik. n . "1 r Daanean back door)-
stand In the kitchen?
He came into the postoffice during the distribution of the
mail, and planted himself before the closed window. Gradu
ally we all formed into a line behind him to await our turn"
and, after we had all found time to grow considerably, the win'
dow flew up with a bang. Then that man from the country'
clad in a flannel shirt and a broad-brimmed hat and a compla
cent smile, climbed into the window, put his arms around it
and took absolute possession of it. . '
" Is ther' anythin' fer John Perkins? " he leisurely drawled
out. Then, after a long pause: "Whut! Not a blamed thing?
Wall, now, thet's queer. Is ther' anythin1 fer Bad?-pre.
sumaoiy mkins. Another pause. " Nuthin'
fer him nuther? Wall, now, thet's queer. Is
ther' anythin' fer Hannibal Jones, 'r Hannibal
Jones's wife, 'r Melindy Basselt? She's 'is
sister-'n-law; tarnation purty gal, too, I k'n
tell yuh hull log'n' camp's gawn awn her
Whut I Nuthin' fer none o' them nuther? Wall,
now, bean't thet queer? Jest see 'f ther's any
papers fer any o' them, now, will yuh? Han
nibal Jones, he take the Boomerang, 'nd I
take th' Free Preis, 'nd Bud, he takes the Hit
tigsippi Chronicle, 'nd "
Here he considerately paused and thrummed
on the window, or what was left of it, scratched
his head, and hummed " Star Spangled Banner "
while contentedly eyeing a huge fourth of July
poEter from the crown of its head to the sole of
its feet. Once or twice he yawned wider than
" Whut 1 " said he at last. " Not a blamed
paper fer any o them? Wall, 'f thet ain't
Say 1 Ther's a man stays to Jim Doolin's thet
wanted me t' fttch his mail, but I don't know
'is name. Do you?" A pause. "You don't,
hey? Thought mebbe you would. Wears blue
overalls 'nd a brown Whut's thet? Move
away from th' winda? Wall, 'f yuh ain't the
unpatienteet, techiest excuse fer a postmaster,
my name ain't Perkins 1 "
And drawing himself up with a jerk and an
air of insulted dignity, he made for the door;
but as he reached it he fell again into a sham
bling gait, and, smiting hinfself on the thigh,
we heard him muttering in a wondering, awe
" Not a durned thing fer th' hull log'n'
camp I Wall, 'f thet ain't-"
We lost the last word, but every mother's
child of us would have bet bis last nickel on
" queer." E. II.
The silent majority is not the popular side.
Why don't you
IT WOULD BE OUT OF PLACE.
Railroad Project v
I ihtknrr Th 7 ,Eir'uieroa'lbeanairIine. "cu wo 8re ne 10 a pretty woman we
isNKR-inen, of course, thera will be no water in the n 6 kInd of hor8es ,hat yu would have 10 build a fire
under to get him out of a small trot.
" Next to a nrettv woman T lnvn a. Uat hnraa V ftnm Janet.
We don't. When we are next to a pretty woman we want
NOT ON THE BILL OF FARE.
Green Waiter-WoII bos t .
didn't fell me numn 'bout it ' 6y " g0t " 0 dat d
Landlady Have you any grounds for your sudden depar
ture, Mr. Esthete?
Landlady Will you please state them?
Esthete The cc flee grounds.