WEST SHORE.
875
Strained relations Broth of a boy.
A happy combination Tom and Jerry.
The saw mills all have a boom in their business this year.
Tbe letters of the alphabet are all prosperous. Only four of
them are in want.
HE WAS AT HOME.
First Irishman Phwell, Pat, an' phwat do yez think?
Second Irishman Faith an' I think it shill rain or snow.
First Irishman Begora, an' phwat do yez know about
American weather, ye foreign galoot?
THIS IS NOT TRUE.
Shopper Are all these fast
colors?.
Truthful Clerk Yes, in
deed; just wet them once and
see them run.
Grizzly Jack Wedded was
completely doubled up yester
day. Johnston What was the
trouble, rheumatism or colic?
Grizzly Neither. Married.
HE RARELY GAVE FITd.
"If that fellow Neverpay
doesn't settle his bill pretty
toon," said Mr. Snipps, the
tailor, "I shall give him fits."
" That would be something
new for you," replied his friend.
TELL EVERYTHING.
Mrs. Tangle Women are
more honest than men. You
wouldn't bear of absconding
cashiers if all bank officials
were women.
Mr. Tangle H'm well
women might not succeed as
cashiers, but they would cer
tainly be great as tellers.
WHAT MADE ALGY FAINT.
Dolly (who has come into a fortune, rela'ing) Awn me
way back I Btopped in at Newclothe's to pay a bill Why-Why-What's
the mattah with Algy?
Dickey Why, deah boy, don't you know bet'ah than to
make such ftartling statements before Algy in his present
state of health?
Principal of Business Col-
lege (to young lady who want
to study for a commercial career) Of course you understand
that the most important thing is the ledger.
Young Lady Oh, dear! Is that so? I don't like the
Ledger half so well as the New York Weekly.
THE PRINTER HAD BEEN THERE.
Irate Real Estate Boomer (entering business office of daily
paper) See here, what does this mean? I wrote In my adver
tisement of the " Elysium Addition " that it is fifteen minutes
walk from the postofflce and you printed it " fifteen miles."
Business Manager Well, the fact is the proof reader under
took to walk out there yesterday, and when the proof came to
him this way he thought it was correct.
Porter was no doubt appointed superintendent of the census
because it was foreseen that it would be done in a half and
half way.
" THERE'S MANY A SLIP."
" And lovest thou me? " a bold youth cried,
While hope made all his being thrill.
To which the maiden fair replied, ,
With sweetest voice, " I love thee still."
He strove to kiss his hoped-for bride,
But was repulsed with res'lute will.
" Thou told'st me false," he hotly cried.
" Nay j said I not, I loved thee itillt " tl. L. W.
When a library burns, it goes
up in volumes of smoke.
" There was a striking scene
at the club last night. You
ought to have been there."
" Indeed; what was that? "
" We had a sparring con
test." Ethel (who has arisen early
this morning) Oh, look, mam
ma I Someone has lost his
watch charm on the sidewalk.
Mamma Nonsense, child;
that is the ice.
Mr. Gumi'b (at the seaside
hotel) My dear, this piece of
cake reminds me of your bath
ing PUit.
Mrs. Gumps Why? Be
cause it has stripes running
through it?
Mr Gumps No. Because
there is so little of It.
ANOTHER VICTORY.
Cumho The prohibitionists
seem to be till making head
way in Georgia.
Fangle Is that so?
Cumho Yes. I notice that
the name of a postoflloe in that
state has been changed from
Jag Tavern to Brandon.
ARE THE FALLS TO BE HEIGHTENED?
" Do you believe that art can improve nature? "
" No, sir, I don't."
" I don't either; and yet the New York legislature thinks of
spending $00,000 in improving Niagara falls."
THE FATE OF THE " MIDSUMMER EDITION."
Merchant William, what is that bundle of paper the ex
prensman Just left?
William It's a copy of the special edition of the raralyur,
sir.
Merchant Put it un'ler the counter and cancel our last
order for a bundle of wrapping paper.