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About The west shore. (Portland, Or.) 1875-1891 | View Entire Issue (July 12, 1890)
WEST SHORE. 875 Strained relations Broth of a boy. A happy combination Tom and Jerry. The saw mills all have a boom in their business this year. Tbe letters of the alphabet are all prosperous. Only four of them are in want. HE WAS AT HOME. First Irishman Phwell, Pat, an' phwat do yez think? Second Irishman Faith an' I think it shill rain or snow. First Irishman Begora, an' phwat do yez know about American weather, ye foreign galoot? THIS IS NOT TRUE. Shopper Are all these fast colors?. Truthful Clerk Yes, in deed; just wet them once and see them run. Grizzly Jack Wedded was completely doubled up yester day. Johnston What was the trouble, rheumatism or colic? Grizzly Neither. Married. HE RARELY GAVE FITd. "If that fellow Neverpay doesn't settle his bill pretty toon," said Mr. Snipps, the tailor, "I shall give him fits." " That would be something new for you," replied his friend. TELL EVERYTHING. Mrs. Tangle Women are more honest than men. You wouldn't bear of absconding cashiers if all bank officials were women. Mr. Tangle H'm well women might not succeed as cashiers, but they would cer tainly be great as tellers. WHAT MADE ALGY FAINT. Dolly (who has come into a fortune, rela'ing) Awn me way back I Btopped in at Newclothe's to pay a bill Why-Why-What's the mattah with Algy? Dickey Why, deah boy, don't you know bet'ah than to make such ftartling statements before Algy in his present state of health? Principal of Business Col- lege (to young lady who want to study for a commercial career) Of course you understand that the most important thing is the ledger. Young Lady Oh, dear! Is that so? I don't like the Ledger half so well as the New York Weekly. THE PRINTER HAD BEEN THERE. Irate Real Estate Boomer (entering business office of daily paper) See here, what does this mean? I wrote In my adver tisement of the " Elysium Addition " that it is fifteen minutes walk from the postofflce and you printed it " fifteen miles." Business Manager Well, the fact is the proof reader under took to walk out there yesterday, and when the proof came to him this way he thought it was correct. Porter was no doubt appointed superintendent of the census because it was foreseen that it would be done in a half and half way. " THERE'S MANY A SLIP." " And lovest thou me? " a bold youth cried, While hope made all his being thrill. To which the maiden fair replied, , With sweetest voice, " I love thee still." He strove to kiss his hoped-for bride, But was repulsed with res'lute will. " Thou told'st me false," he hotly cried. " Nay j said I not, I loved thee itillt " tl. L. W. When a library burns, it goes up in volumes of smoke. " There was a striking scene at the club last night. You ought to have been there." " Indeed; what was that? " " We had a sparring con test." Ethel (who has arisen early this morning) Oh, look, mam ma I Someone has lost his watch charm on the sidewalk. Mamma Nonsense, child; that is the ice. Mr. Gumi'b (at the seaside hotel) My dear, this piece of cake reminds me of your bath ing PUit. Mrs. Gumps Why? Be cause it has stripes running through it? Mr Gumps No. Because there is so little of It. ANOTHER VICTORY. Cumho The prohibitionists seem to be till making head way in Georgia. Fangle Is that so? Cumho Yes. I notice that the name of a postoflloe in that state has been changed from Jag Tavern to Brandon. ARE THE FALLS TO BE HEIGHTENED? " Do you believe that art can improve nature? " " No, sir, I don't." " I don't either; and yet the New York legislature thinks of spending $00,000 in improving Niagara falls." THE FATE OF THE " MIDSUMMER EDITION." Merchant William, what is that bundle of paper the ex prensman Just left? William It's a copy of the special edition of the raralyur, sir. Merchant Put it un'ler the counter and cancel our last order for a bundle of wrapping paper.