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About The west shore. (Portland, Or.) 1875-1891 | View Entire Issue (June 28, 1890)
812 WEST SHORE. IT WAS CONCLUSIVE. Mrh. Livewayt (of Chicago) Yen, young Mr. Laker want ed to marry our Susie, but I put my foot right down on it. MitH. Noktic River (with a glance at Mrs. Livewayt's feet) Well, that covered the ground. NOT A REGULAR BUSINESS. Mother (whose son has just captured a rich father-in-law) If John does as well in his business every year a he did this, he will be able to provide well for me in my old age. ' Binks (who failed to get the father-in-law) Impossible; polygamy is prohibited in Oregon. A MUCH BETTER PLAN. Edith I'm very fond of bathing, but it's a nuisance to have to dry one's hair when one comes out of the water. Limit Lauiia My sister Maude never gets her hair wet when she bathes. She leaves nearly all of it in her dressing room, Idaho is threatened with a loss of territory, but she will be comforted by a gain of a whole state. A league game bunko. A brothfrhood game work ing the G. A. R. for an office. The happy medium the one who has not been exposed. Frothing at the mouth a glass of beer, SjwtB on the sun measles on the baby. A spirited meeting mixing a cocktail. A scissors grinder, accompan panied with his usual parapher nalia, on his first visit to one of our country towns, approached a hotisekoo))er who was stand ing In the doorway, and asked : " Have you any knives or scipsors " " Wop right there," interrupt ed the housekeeper, " I said I wouldn't answer them foolish census questions, and I won't, either I" THE TABLE DID IT. Joiinnon-How are things up at the boarding house? UKimv-Like one of Mr. Sankey'a songs-" Nothing but leaves." TAERE IS SOME HUE IN THAT. Mrs. Ci'mho James, what does " hue and cry " mean? Mr. Ci MMt I think it has something to do with painting the town red.' HOW HE GOT LOST. " Miss May, excuse me," said the dude, " I was lost in thought, you know." " It's risky," said the maiden, rude, " In unkuown realms to go." JAMES WACKER'S SICK FRIEND. " You are very late this morning, Mr. Wacker," said the merchant, as one of his clerks entered the store. " Yes, sir. I sat up with a sick friend last night, and this morning I overslept myself." " Oh, then, you are perfectly excusable, James. I am glad to see you displaying such a Christian spirit. Visiting the eick is one of the duties enjoined upon us in the scriptures. It gives me pleas ure to know that at least one of my clerks is so unselfish." " Thank you, sir," James re plied, coloring somewhat and manifesting a desire to get to work;" but-" " Oh, you need n't blush, my boy," interrupted the good old man ; " I'm a hard old business chap, myself, but I can appre ciate the finer human feelings. Your modesty does you credit, I'm sure." " But, sir-"- " Oh, never mind, James, it does n't need any ' buts.' I am pleased to be able to commend you." " But, sir," insisted James, " I'm afraid you do not quite understand" ' " Not understand the unsel fishness of sitting up with a sick person? Nonsense 1 Iun derttand it perfectly the med icine, the weary watching, the bearing with the invalid's irrit ableness, the" " But, Bir, there is nothing irritable about my friend; no medicine, in fact." () No medicine ! Did n't you say your friend was sick ? " Yes, sir ; but that is where you misapprehend me-in the kind of sickneBB." " How is that?" t " It was a young lady I sat up with replied James, blush ing in earnest now. " she is my lovesick friend." Oh-ah-well," said the merchant, slowly, " that's dif ferent. See that such attendance upon the sick doesn't delay your arnval at the office any more, Mr. Wacker." Wm. H. Siviter. s&- 1 Lkcturer-As you see, ladies and gentlemen, this is a simple machine turned by a crank. (Tumultuous applause). THE BALLET'S BAGGAGE. DAiLEY-An opera troupe that went from here to San Fran cisco had to pay $500 for excess baggage. Di-muy-IIow was that-had they so much scenery? iUtLKY-No. It was because the ballet dancers had so many trunks.