I
WEST SHORE.
31.1
THE OPENING JEST.
" Now, boys," said the teacher, " I'll give you ten minutes
recess every day if you will kindly remit the usual school tacks."
And then as he sat down and suddenly rote again, he realised
that he had not spoken In time. Puck.
A MATCH FOR THE OLD MAN.
Wantono - What's the matter, Blankley? You're til
bunged up, as ihough you bad been in fight, and yet you look
beaming and imiling over it all.
Bmnklky The fact is, I have all along thought my boy
II 1 .1 . ... . A.t..l.oi.tal utinmn anil thfl other (lav I Ml-
ilKIIUlU DVIK V HBirwiwwH .. . j i
dertook to give him some boxing lessons. This li the result of
the first one. Oh, I'm proud of that boy.
Jacihon Mrs Henpeck telh me ihe gained lix pounda
while ihe was In the mountains.
Hini'kck That's nothing; I gained twelve while she waa
away. Lift.
IRISH, YOU KNOW.
Ma. O'Rapfkrty And what did yer brother think was the
eauseof hie death? '
Ma. Duw-Me brother never knew the rale cause of hli
dealh, aa no inquest wm held on him. Texat Sifting.
NO TIME FOR IT.
So you're not offended when you are called an old man?
Certainly not. '
Why it it that you never married?
I've had to much to do In caring for those of my relative
who are married that I never bad the time.-iMon Couritr,
COUNSEL ASSIGNED.
Ma. Rinino Briefly How's that case of Hill Jenkins getting
along? I tee you've taken charge of it.
Ma. 8maf ClAMMOH-Oh, flrat rate ; I just got fifty dollars out
of him and he't to give me another fifty in the morning.
Ma. Kinino PRiEfLY-Thafa good ; but where'i Hill?
Mr.HmapGajiiion-DIII? Oh, he's all right He's In Jail.
-I'wk.
Ton-May I kiss your little baby sister?
Faxkh (aged 18, demurely)-No, she isn't old enough.
Jfunwy'i Wttkly.
CRIMINAL CARELESSNESS.
Nkwsi'ai'ir Wkatiikr Pronikt (big New York Journal).
See here I If you don't discharge that careless foreman our
weather reputation will be ruined.
(Irrat Editor My goodness! What has he done?
NiwHi'Ai'Ka Wkathkr Prohikt. Done! What hasn't he
done? In the paper to-day I my prediction for yesterday,
which he forgot to take out, and right alongside of It la the oltl
clal reiort of yesterday's weather. AVw York Wttkly.
A FELLOW KEELING MAKES ONE WONDROUS KIND.
St. ram-Well, sir, what have you to say for yourself?
Aitucant (despondently) Well, sir, to be candid with
you, I'm afraid I've no chance hero. I waa snake editor of the
New York Afoon.
Ht. raTKR Never mind that; walk In. I waa a fisherman
once myself. .Vuniei Wttkly.
PROFITABLE TO BOTH.
Tiikatkr Mamokr-1 called thlt morning, air, to tee If you
would call attention In your Sunday attrition to the demoralls
Ing features of the burlesque show I am going to run next week.
Miniktkr-Is It going to tie very bad?
Tiikatkr Marahkr Totiuh, sir, is no name for It.
MiNisTKR-Well, how much do you want to give me? Busi
ness Is business Jmlgt.
lit. "W
W- li
1 1 1 1 11
Do ye
Dkkss-Coat riHAiiosas.-Tlila bread la awful stale.
know It?
Oxs Hrai s MtariiY.-rlthale, Is It? Do yt mane to Insio
nwate, ye blaggard, Uiat I'd sthale breail?