12
THE WEST SHORE.
Where thenceforward th(W0 mm"V Atmm
which I lmve warmed my kwim and my luirt, and
light-d my eye i,h (,r.VHt"1? Tll'H v,'ry "mI'ri"' w,lch
uoiLIn, iniiii'iiiiitioii has invested time and
II l'J lllliiiii. n-'iniff n
again with brightness and delist, can servo no longer as
it mine fr teeming fancy; all, alas! will be gone - reduced
to the dull standard of the actual! No more room for
intrepid forays of imagination - no more gorgeous realm
making - all will lie over!
Why not, I thought, g i dreaming?
Can any wife bo .rettier than an after-dinner fancy,
idle mul yet vivid, can paint for you? Can any children
make less noise than the little, rosy-cheeked ones, who
hiue no existence except in the ttmiiiinn j(itlimiw of your
own hrain? Can any housewife he more unexception-
able than she who goes sweeping (liiintily the cohweos
that gather in your dreams? Can any domestic larder lie
better slocked than the irivaU) larder of your head dozing
on a cushioned chair-hack at Delmonico's? Can any
family purse lie better tilled tlnin the exceeding plump
one you drenm of, after reading such pleasant ImkiIvH as
MunchiiUHcn or Tycc?
Hut if, after nil, it must lie- -duty, or what not, making
provocation - what then? And I clapMd my feet hard
against the lire-dogs, and leaned hack, and turned my face
to the ceiling, km much uh to any - And where on earth,
then, shall a jioor devil look for a wife?
Homebody says, I,yttlcton or Shaftesbury I think, that
" marriages would le (nippier if they were all arranged ly
the I.rd ( Iiancellor. I nfortunately, we have no Lon
Chaueelliir to make this connnutjttion of our misery.
Shall n man then scour the ountry on u mule's hack
like li. nt Itlaaof Suntillano, or shall he make appl
cation to Home hucIi intervening providence as Miidanu
M. arc, who, us I nee iy the Vriw, manages these
matters to one's hand for mine five per cent, on the for
tunes of tho arties?
I have troutod when the lirook was so low and the sky
ho hot that I might as well have thrown my ily umui the
turnpike; ami 1 have hunted hare at ikh.ii and woodcock
in Hiiow-tiin... i1(.Vcr despairing, scarce doubting; but for
a .r hunter of his kind, without traps or snares, or any
aid of olic .r constabulary, to traverse the world, where
are swarming, on a moderate computation, some three
hundred and odd millions of unmarried women for a
aingle capture - irremediable, unchangeable - nnd yet a
capture which, by strange metonymy not laid down inthe
Un.ks, is very a.t to turn captor into captive, ami make
game f hnul. r; all this, surely, surely may make man
shrug with doubt!
Then, again, there are the ,,HBMPy wift,H
NhoUma how many third, fourth or fifth cousins win
appear at taivhconiplimenhiry intervals, long after you
ImJ -HUl into U,e peid Mi, that all congratulatory
vim s at an end? How ,, twisUsbhoaded
l.n4l,erwUnHMmttu,g,ntl,eir,ulvilH.HHBrriendU)lWv?
How many maiden , will erne to s.d a numth
or two wul, the.r "dear lVggy." and want o know v y
fnther-in-law will beg (taking dear Peggy's liand in his)
to give a little wholesome counsel, and will be very sure
to advise just tho contrary of what you had determined to
undertake. And dear mnmma-in-law must set her nose
into Teggy'b cupboard, and insist upon having tho key to
your own private locker in the wainscot
Then, perhaps, there is a little bevy of dirty-nosed
nephews, who come to spend the holidays and eat up your
East India sweetmeats; and who are torever tramping
over your head, or raising the old Harry below, while you
are busy with your clients. .Last, ana worst, is some
fidgety old uncle, forever too cold or too hot, who vexes
you with his patronizing airs, and impudently kisses his
little Peggy!
That could be borne, however; for perhaps lie lias
promised his fortune to Peggy. Peggy, then, will be
rich (and the thought made me rub my shins, which were
now getting comfortably warm upon the fire-dogs). Then
she will be forever talking of her fortune, and pleasantly
reminding you, on occasion of a favorite purchase, how
lucky that she, had the means, and dropping hints about
economy, and buying very extravagant sealskins.
She will nnnoy you by looking over the stock list at
breakfast time, and mention quite carelessly to your
lients that she is interested in such or such a speculation.
She will be provokingly silent when you hint to a
tradesman that you have not the money by you for his
small bill; in short, she will tear the life out of you, mak
ing you pay in righteous retribution of annoyance, grief,
vexation, shame and sickness of heart for the superlative
folly of "marrying rich."
But if not rich, then poor. Bah! the thought
made mo stir tho coals; but there wan Ktill no blaze. The
paltry earnings you are able to wring out of clients by the
sweat of your brow will now bo all our income; you will
Ihi pestered for pin-money, and pestered with your poor
wife's relations. Ten to one she will stickle about taste
( "Sir Visto's") and want to make this so pretty, and that
so charming, if she only had the means, and is sure Paul
(a kiss) can't deny his little Peggy such a trifling sum,
and all for the common benefit
Then she, for one, means that her children sha'n't go
ndx'gging for olothes-and another pull at the purse.
Trust a poor mother to di-ess hor children in finery!
Perhaps she is ugly; not noticeable at first, but grow
ing on her, nnd (what is worse) growing faster on you.
You wonder why you didn't see that vulgar nose long
ago; and that lipit is very strange, you think, that you
ever thought it pretty. And then to come to breakfast
with her hair looking as it does, and you not-so much as
daring to say, "Peggy, ,fo brush your hair!" Her foot,
to--not very bad when decently chausec but now since
she's married sho does wear such infernal slippers! And
yet for all this, to be prigging up for an hour when any
of my old chums come to dine with me!
"Bless your kind hearts, my dear fellows," said I,
thrusting tho tongs into the coals, and speaking out loud,
as if my voice could reach from Virginia to Paris, "not
married yet!"