The west shore. (Portland, Or.) 1875-1891, November 01, 1878, Page 93, Image 27

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    November, 1878.
THE WEST SHORE.
WISE AND OTHERWISE.
Our domestic pets Why, car-pets,
to be sure.
Man proposes, but he is not always
accepted.
Always on a bust The head, neck
and shoulders.
Never stop to argue the point with
an excited hornet.
A touching incident A physician
feeling a patient's pulse.
To-morrow is the day on which idle
men work, and fools reform.
Many are willing enough to wound,
who are yet afraid to strike.
" I like o make sponge cake," she
said innocently ; " it makes my hands
so clean."
The Cyprus ladies wear pants ; but
they don't make fools of themselves by
talking about it all the time.
" If it takes one hog to make a ham,
bow many hojs will it take to make a
hammer?" Exchange, lie, he, he !
Here's another one : If it takes one egg
to make a nogg, how many eggs will
il take make an auger f
Hears are plenty in Northern Maine.
jioston Post. And to are ureenoacK
ers. Bangor Com. We'd rather have
a bear, because bis skin is redeemable
in live-dollar notes, while a greenback
cr isn't redeemable in anything except
his skin.
At the foot of his profession The
chiropodist. BoSloH Commercial Bul
letin. The hatter, of course, stands al
the other end. Nicum Ailvcrisir.
Yes, the hatter is at the fur end and the
other fellow is general)' round the cor.
r.cr.
Singing is saiil to be a prcveutlive
of sea-sickness. So, when you get sick
you must sing. It may be hard work,
bul you must remember that your hear
ers will stiller more than yon do.
When you hear a country choir sing
ing, "There will be no more sorrow
there," you may conclude at once that
cither the aforesaid choir will not be
there, or they will not be permitted to
sing.
A boy with a patch on his knee can't
be hired to go on an errand to the next
house, but he will follow a band wagon
all over town and never realize that he
isn't dressed in broadcloth.
It was Horace Smith who poetically
said, "Your voiceless lips, O, (lowers,
arc living preachers, each cup a pulpit,
and each leaf a bok," but when a man
seizes hold of one in which a bee is ly
ing down taking a nap, the language
it calls forth does not sound much like
preaching.
Whenever a man bcirins to feci that
he is so great that the country is stand
ing out in the middle of the road wait
ing for him to come by, it is about time
for his friends to look up wme soft
place in a lunatic asylum to lay him
down in.
How to be a christian Don't think
that heaven was made expressly for
yourself and friends.
It is the custom among certain tribes
in Liberia that when a woman i.,
ricd she must prepare the wedding
dinner with her own hands. If such a
nstfim prevailed in this country, in
many instances the groom and his
friends would slide out immediately
after dinner and rush into a restaurant
to get something lit to cat.
When you sec a man with a lonir
willow switch in his hand, sneak cau
tiously down to the back fence, and
stealthily pull himself up until bis head
is above the top ol it, and then look
anxiously, longingly, and with a disap
ointed expression withal, up and down
and all around a vast, lifeless, uninhab
ited scope of vacant lot without a sign
of human life about it, you may safely
bet your little pile that there is a brok
en window in that man's house and a
twelve-year old boy about a thousand
miles away and still going.
" Wk want no drummers here, sir,"
growled a merchant to a suave individ
uai wno entered his store one morning
with a suspicious valise.
" BV 0V, sir, it you don t clear nit ,
I 11 Kick you into tlie street, he con
tinned, as bis visitor seated himself with
the air ot one who had come in In
stay.
"Do v on mean me, my dear sir?"
says Sir Imperturbable calmly, with an
air of intense surprise, looking up from
the morning paper be hail taken.
" Yes, I did, sir; nnw Start," said the
irate merchant.
"Why, if I understood you, ui
poke of drummers, I I nm not a
I rummer."
"What the deuce are yon, then ?"
queried tlie out man.
"I m a mercantile tourist, travelling
for my health and pleasure."
The old gentleman took the joke
and laughed heartily. Cool neat and
impudence won the day, and that tour
ist was the first anil only drummer
who ever took the firm's order for
goods,
COLORED v. TtAI.I IIKADKI.
Years ago the well-known firm of
W. & Co., Boston, agents for the imp
ular line of Australian packet ships,
received a letter of Inquiry from Cin
cinnati. CoJTespOndenCe followed, and
second-cabin passage was engaged for
Kir mid Mr, lose oh Hatfield, their
100, Joseph. Jr., 'and Sliss Hlaochc, who
were politely urged 10 put M an ap-u-aranre
in' Huston on or before May
Sth, as "the good ship Daniel Sharp,
whereof loseph D. Cushing is master
for this present voyage,' would sail OB
the day following, weather cnnittiiig.
On the morning designated, young
darkey exquisite, sporting a tall hat and
ivory-headed cane, sauntered into the
elegantly appointed ollice and de
manded :
"Is dis yer de ollice of W. t Co.?"
"Yes, it is," growled the senior W.
from behind his desk, frownini? over
his gold-bowed spectacles at the intruder.
"Well, sab, me and mv folks are
gwine out to Melbourne in your ship
Panic! .Sharp, and I
"Not it I know t you are not go
ing to do any such thing."
..11 u 1 1. 1. .'. 1 ....1
I IOW HO, '.Ml I MM II l . t IM IJI.M.O
wid you from Cincinnati and engage
passage for me and my lislder and
muddcr and Miss Hlanche?"
"What! is your name Hatfield ?"
roared the dismayed .".gent.
"Ves,sab,iny name's 1 1 at field, and "
"Why in the devil didn't you notify
me that you were colored?"
"Why in tie debbll didn't you notify
me that you was bald-headed?"
The pertinent rejoinder silenced old
W., and, although two or Ihtee poteen
gers who prefer red to have the colored
line drawn outside of it ship's second
cabin, gave up their berths and were
refunded their passage money, the llal
fields complacently sailed in the Sharp.
PooDtoTivp Son., Prom Hon to
time we have taken pnius to talk with
men who have devoted time to study
ing and analyzing the soil of llic un
rounding country. This soil, even to
tbl hill lops, is strongly impregnated
with 11ik.au; in many piiuc hi im w
leys the water has a brackish, alkaline
taste. As a rule the soil is deep hi Ion
the hard-pan, gtavel 01 bed mek Is
rem bed; blin k loam or sub soil is usu
ally blind t" be frOlfl eight to ten leet
deep; thus furnishing unlimited moist
ure and nourishment lor the Rowing
Crops on the surface. A peculiarity
seems to be that the hill and rolling
land is the most ptodu live, and SO I n
as tested will out wear the valley land.
One who has analyzed the soil gives it
as his opinion thai a succession of crop
Of the same kind for generations will
not impoverish the grcalci pail ol the
tolling land of this country. His theory
is that the great depth of soil, and the
great strength of the strata of alkali
usually found on the lied rock, and hav
ing a tendency to rise to the suil.i.e,
will always give natural requisites Ibl
cereals ot all kinds. In time to i ,
in our opinion, l..istetn Washington
will lie the bund basket of si! the
wot Id. As a wheat producing country,
it has now no ucrior, and when the
fetters of transportation are loosened,
and OtHOmertisI outlets arc ojicncd to
the Sound, then the gtandness of this
country will Ik- realized. PayloH, ( W.
T.) Chronicl.
We have no duubt that the time will
tome when the mernliers of a chain h
choir will behave just a well as others