I
4!
The Wits Jdww,
A Twel Page Monthly IHuMraled Paper, publirfieJ at
i'UKTI-AND, OKKiON, by
I.. SAMUEL, i Wahinton-.
TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION,
(Including Pottage lo any part of the United Stalei:)
One copy, one year, - 5
Single Number, nM-
BBHtilwTlpIlon miml t ritilil In nilvaiicf, m
nil iiktn will positively In1 ttot''u ut Hit) i'im
nf Hit tlniu they lire puld for.
Printed by ;. H. Hm, cor. Kront ft Waihinat'in M
THIS FOURTH OF JULY FROM
Till: STAND POINT OF T1IK
FAR FUTl'R K.
Two thousand years from now when
some devoted areluelogian of the far
future shall lie engaged in the laborious
und uncertain task of bringing to the
knowledge of his contemporaries the
long forgotten history of the once
powerful and self-asserting Americans,
and deciphering and explaining the then
scanty remains of their labor and learn
ing, if lie shall chance to come upon
some fragments of the statuary, paint
big, poctrv, advertisements, essays ami
oratory of the remote period of 1S70,
he will naturally enquire why did this
remarkable people make so much ol
this hoi and disagreeable day The
Fourth of July?
I'pon pursuing his researches he'may
be able to make a report to the archa
ological society, from which it will
appear that on that day one hundred
years before a small assembly of the
ambitious and aspiring youths from the
English Colonics 'm North America
had ruthlessly resolved to cut the apron
strings which hitherto hound them to
their Insular mother HUaiinia
anil set up for themselves, and that in
pursuance of that heroic purpose they
then and theie pledged to each other
I heir lives their fortunes and their sacred
honor; and also published a remarkable
broadside or manifesto tfrvhiring that
these same colonies are and of right
ought to he free ami independent states.
From this circumstance this production
tame to be known as ' hula rat ion
vt' ((() (7cc, and regarded by many
people as a political gospel and a vent
able enumeration of (he rights of the
Mclicati man and the wrongs of the
l'nglMi man. The I Hvlaralioii was
written or coin pi let I by one Thomas
Jefferson, a son or descendant of one
Jcllcrs, a Welshman who left the poor
land of Curds and Goals to cultivate
niggers and tobacco 011 I lie virgin soil
of Virginia, a country once famous for 1
gentlemen and the Resolutions of 'yS.
As our worker in the ruins of anti
quity explored the lives of these illustri
ous "sigiu is," he might stumble upon
the singular circumstance, which he
would triumphantly cite as another in
stance of the difference hetw 41-11 precept,
even in the good old days of the tSth
century, anil practice, that the Jefferson
who appears to have penned the im
mortal line, that all men are created
(not born) equal, and endowed by their
creator with certain unalienable rights
among w inch are life, liberty and the
pursuit of happiness, was at that erv
lime the ow ner of sundry negro slaves
vho.c liberty and pursuit of ha f fitness
belonged to their master, the said T.J. !
This convention of rebellious sons,!
w ho thus disinterestedly declared them-1
selves absolved from all fmlher filial!
obligation lo the mistress of the seas,
w.h presided over by .me John Hau
eoek. This J. 11. is said to hae w ritten i
a singularly bold and beautiful hand, so I
lint his signature lo the Declaration !
came lit Ik considered us n type of
manliness and a rare specimen of the '
art ol Calligraphy, lie bailed from the
colony of the Puritans called from the
Indians with whom they for it, '
Mas-su-tvo-setts,nd afterwards corupt
ed into Massachusetts, This singular
jvople were distinguished for their
reg.ml for the rights of the aborigines
THE WEST SHORE.
which led them to acquire their lands Kmnth ot July tor the hrst century arter
bv peaceful ofieraioiu rather than war-, the Declaration was the most singular
like ones. It is related of them that at , !im incongruous compound of elo.
one time they purchased of the Indians muikv, egotism, conceit, learning self)
a lan'c track of valuable land, for which laudation and local exaggeration that
can be found in the remains of any peo
ple. It was a school for political pro
phets; and many persons w ho attained
the latter would take nothing less than
. .... .i..t
gun powder. I no powoer was mut
delivered, but self preservation being at
that early day the first law of nature,
they at the same time ingenuously as
sured the credulous Indian that the
black grain was a vegetable product,
which if he would only sow in the
ground , in clue time he would obtain
an abundant supply for the few pounds
then furnished. It is not necessary to
add that the powder seed never sprout
ed and that the Puritan continued tt,
dwell in peace with the red men whose
lands they hail honestly purchased and
paid for. From this and other like cir
cumstances their less ingenious neighbors
in timcapplied the epithets cute and sliarf
to this people. From the shores of the
Chesapeake came a delegate who sign
ed himself Charles Carrol of Carrolton.
This patriot was descended from a
family of Knglish ballad singers, and
hence the name Carrol. S hoc lines
arc vet extant of an old Christmas song
of theirs. The refrain ran
"(turn!, Ilrutlifrs Carol, Ciiul y y:-t. :;,.' ,
The people of 4
Carrol's prov
ince appear to
have been some
what infected
by the hilarity
of the "Carol
Unit hers " a n d
I h e i r country
w as therefore
called Merry
land ,V the peo
ple Merry-land
ers. At one time
they drank ap
ple toddy, and
indulged in the
profane sports of
eoc k - lighli 11 g
a 11 d horse - ra
cing. From t hesc
ci re u in stances
they were re
garded by their
serious Puritan
associates as cal
culated to pro
voke the Divine
displeasure o 11
the cause of In
dependence. 1 low ever, in
the desultory
war that followed
high portion anil great power in the
Stales took their first lessons in tickling
the public ear and w inning public favor
on the Fourth of July platform.
T
FORGOT TO FLOP.
Mr. M. L. Nichols, of Ueavcrton,
furnishes the following:
Manv years ago there lived in the
classic shades of Yamhill a young man
with a very ingenious turn of mind,
lie had a remarkable faculty for invent
ing and experimenting. In latter days
he became known ns 11 manufacturer
and dispenser of pills, and in the direc
tions for the use of said purgatives ap
pears this very singular injunction:
"Take three on going to bed, and put
your trust in God.11 He was also noted
as a mechanical genius, for many are
the crude an. I unique articles of his. in
vention and construction. There are
at this time a number of rustic chairs
scattered about
the metropolis
of Oregon which
stand as living
monuments to
his genius.
Long before
any silver locks
graced his in
ventive brow,
he con cei veil
the bold idea of
thing. In his
p h i losophical
musing, he solil
oquized thus
"Frn nklin
bottled light
ning; Morse in
vent e d t e 1 c-
graphy; and
Fulton made
the first steam
boat ; hut it re
mains for me to
demonstrate to
the civilized
world that man
can lly, for which
an unborn gen
eration of po
ets will sing my
praise." Sosuit-
TAYLOR STKKRT M. E. CHURCH, PORTLAND.
his action to
the Declaration,! this immortal thought, he set about the
in the troops of the line, called the Con- consummation of this sublime project,
linentals, these Merry-landers were 1 In the course of time, hv indefatigable
always distinguished tor not running
away and being in at the death.
For some centuries arter the Declara
tion of Independence, it was ihe custom
for the people lo get together in the
tow ns and villages on the anniversary
of that day ami exuberate over their
freedom and success. Generally the
sehiol ma-tcr read the Declaration ;uul
labor and untiring energy, he brought
forth a pair of full Hedged wings, ami
wishing to test Ins new invention, he
mounted a gale j.ost and made the at
tempt to lly, hut straightway went he
to the ground.
This Hat failure somewhat discon
certed our knight of the wing, hut arter
deliberating a while he came to the
the attorney or the minister made an j conclusion that by getting high enough
oration, justifying the rebellion ami . he could get under way before striking
magnifying the glory and greatness of the ground. Therefore acting upon a
the country. In time this became suggestion of some of his wagisb
monotonous the story grew threadbare friends,(;) he decided to try it again,
and the celebration of the Declaration ' this time, however, from the comb of
lieu out. 1 lie day remained as a1 the hiirhest neiir hhr n.r Wn Ti,..
holiday, but its patriotic observance
ceased and its original significance w as
tost. The enterprising inhabitants of
the country called China came over to
the wintry in great mini I vers and settled
in it. Being industrious, frugal and
temperate they junm acquire I a strong
fi"it-hold in the country and gradually
introduced the fin; cracker and the kite
in the place of the Declaration ami the
Oration.
It is K lieved thai the literature of the
news spread like wild-tire. The ap
pointed day came, and present on that
memorable occasion was all the people
far anil near, to w itness this wonderful
performance.
At the stated hour our winged hero
w as seen perched upon the barn, calm
ami serene. The crow d gazed up with
breathless anxiety, and as the moment
drew near our friend raised himself to
a standing posture, and after adjusting
his wings a smile of contentment lighted
July.
un his philosophical brow. A look of
self-satisfaction and a consciousness of
success reigned supreme. Everything
being in readiness, at a given signal, off
he went, landing a few yards from the
base of the barn, making sad havoc
with a chicken coop and an unfortunate
pig pen. By the liberal use ot camphor,
a profuse dousing with buckets ot cold
water, and a vigorous rubbing, he was
I brought to his senses. On his complete
recovery, some people laughed at him,
while his more serious friends re
monstrated with him for indulging in
such reckless and foolish experiments.
" ell, now, says he, "the experiment
would have been a success only I
Forgot to Flop!"
PORTLAND CENTENNIAL
CELEBRATION.
Our grand Centennial celebration
just closed can safely he pronounced a
success. It is estimated that no less
than 12,000 strangers visited this city
between the 3d and Sth to take part in
the festivities of the week. About
S,ooo were here at one time namely on
the 4th. Visitors from neighboring
towns generally went home in the
evening and returned on the early boats
and trains next morning,
To the credit of the inhabitants of
this State and neighboring Territory be
it said that not a single disturbance of a
serious nature took place; but few
arrests were made and those mostly for
an overboiling of pal rot ism. But one
or two accidents took place, and those
not of a very serious nature. Too much
praise cannot be bestowed on the Cen
tennial Committee of Arrangmcnts, and
especially does Mr. II. D. Sanborn, of
said Committee deserve special men
tion. His untiring energy has without
a doubt secured all the success attained.
He personally supervised the carrying
out of every detail of the Programme
as announced in our June number, in
fact inventing many sports not an
nounced, and doing everything in hisg
power to make it agreeable and pleas
ant for visitors and enjoyable for every
one taking part in the celebration. The
fire-works burned on the night of the
.fth, under the supervision of Prof.
Hughes, were the grandest affair of
the kind ever attempted in this State.
The buildings were most beautifully
decorated and long will this week be
remembered and serve for years to meas
ure future demonstrations by.
In our June number we gave illustra
tions of the Silver Cup and Gold Medals
offered as prizes for skill, strength and
endurance. We now take pleasure in
announcing the result.
YACHTING.
Silver cup, valued at $70, and jo in
coin, awarded to the Iiaiubou sailed
bv II, E. Pattce.
2d. prize, $35, to the Julia Milliiiit
ailed by John La Chapelle.
3d. prize, $25, to the Oregonian,
ailed by Richard Harper,
4th. prize, $15, to the Owl, sailed by
Peter Blankholm.
ikhiii.k scux HACK.
Two Gold Medals, each valued at
75, awarded to Messrs. II. B. Love
ridge and J. R. Carr, the Oxford crew.
STEAM JIKK EXdlNKS.
Two Gold Medals, each valued at
7s.
1st. prize, awarded to Linn Engine
Company, No. 2, of Albany.
d. prize, to Willamette, No. I, f
Portland.
HAND K 1 INK.
Gold Medal", valued at to Tiger
Engine Company, No 5.
BASK bam..
Ten Gold Medals valued at 300'
awarded to the Pioneers, composed of
Messrs. R. II. Thompson, M.
Lownsdale, John Raleigh, Howard B.