JACKSONVILLE POST
VOL. 1
Jacksonville Post
P ublished A t J acksonville , O re ­
gon , F or S eventeen R easons A nd
H ollering A ll T he T ime F or I ts
T own , I ts C ounty and I ts S tate
APPLICATION HAS BEEN MADE TO
ENTER THE POST AT THE JACKSON­
VILLE POSTOFFICE AS SECOND CLASS
MATTER.
OTHERWISE FIRST CLASS
Sanders & Overholt
Publishers & Proprietors
S ubscription P rice $1.50 A Y ear
I n T he U nited S tates , C anada
A nd Y amhill C ounty . O regon
W hen C onvenient S ubscriptions
S hould B e P aid I n M oney : O ther ­
wise
M ortgages ,
M ines A nd
M ules W ill B e A ccepted
f ■ The first page of The Post has been conde-
‘■ce’! iinjr'.y given over to the junior editor— Miles
O/erholt—who either has to have some place to
display his literary spasms or be confined tc the
violent ward. It is hoped that the readers and
patrons of The Post wdl look at the matter in this
1 ght and not judge the senior (or saner) editor
t >o harshly for a'lowing him this privilege.
A Fast Town
According to the Walla Wall a,
Wash., Bulletin that town is increas­
ing in population faster than any town
in the state.
I went to Walla Wa'la once. You
know’ the state penitentiary is located
there. They couldn’t have found a
better name, for it’s Wallow Wallow
all the time at Walla Walla. It’s so
muddy up there that a horse blanket
would mire. The only way they can
get up town from the depot is to
follow a barb wire fence around the
guard house at the pen. You see the
guards have to have lots of sand. One
day a fellow saw a hat apparently lying
in the mud. He took a long stick and
poked it, when a man underneath the
hat said: "Here, you leave my hat
alone.” Of course the fellow apol­
ogized andsaid: "You’rein pretty deep,
aren’t you? ’ “Yes” said the man,
“and a whole lot deeper than that.
I've got a team and wagon underneath
• :me,,yet.”
Walla Walla is a fast town all right.
It’s fast in the mud. They’ think
every stranger that comes to town is a
convict. I asked a fellow if he knew
Teddy Roosevelt and he said: “No,
I don't remember him. What was he
sent up for!”
The whole town reminds one of a
penitentiary. One reason for that is,
it is a big sell. Then, too, there are
so ifiany people hanging around there.
I went into a store and a big fellow
Was bawlin’ "change.” And you can
buy anything you want on time. They
are so used to giving a fellow time
there.
I went to the Dacres Hotel at Walla
Walla one night and the night turnkey
said; "I’m sorry, but all our worst
cells are full.” 1 told him 1 didn’t
want a room that was half full; what I
wanted was a room with a bed in it.
So he called a guard who sent me up to
a hole in the wall he called a room.
Well, I went in, but couldn’t see a
a place to lie down, sol asked, “Where
is the bed?” and he said: "Over there
by the match safe." And I thought it
was a foot stool. Well, he went out
and finally I tried to lie down, and the
only way I could succeed at it was to
go to bed on the installment plan. I'd
NO. 4
JACKSONVILLE. JACKSON COUNTY’, OREGON, JULY 6, 1S07
first go to bed with my head and let
my feet sit up. then I’d wake my head
up and let r y feet sleep awhile. 1
don’t l i e tj lie in that kind of a bed.
It's too crowded. Sort of a concen­
trated lie. If there ha 1 been any bed
bugs, there wouldn't have been r. om
enough for all of us.
The Study of Mining
The study of mining is a very fac-
inating pastime. After the ardous
duties of the day are over and the
clock has been wound and the cat is
locked in the cellar and the kindling cut
for the morning fire end the children
are in bed, then it gives me great
pleasure to go to my massive bookshelf
and take down the Bible and peruse
fifteen or twenty of its pages. After
1 have learned a couple of chapters 1
then roll my plush, mahogany oak-
finished, leather covered easy chair
under the electric light and read, from
Morrison's Mining Laws such mirth­
provoking and highly interesting bits
of literature as the following:
" ihe distinction which would relieve
,hese points would be to allrw the dip
to such lodes only i s have a perpen­
dicular base and are not on the nature
of stratagraphic.il deposits: All the
inconsistencies apparent from the
previous paragraph are the sequence to
any other ruling.”
Isn't that sublime, g) and, gloomy and
peculiar! Note how the terse phrases
are brougt out and with what
delicateness ard finenes t e situation
is explained.
To the common plug such bits of wit­
ticism are entirely lost in the shuffle,
but to one who has delved deep into the
mining profession
and
knows
all about such things it appeals with a
strong current of emotion.
My pet ambit'on is to get a mine,
one that is gentle and kind, and exper­
iment on its stratigraphical deposit and
its perpendicular base. I think 1 can
invent something so that such superflui­
ties as those can be done away with en
tirely.
An article in last week's Mining
Journal is headed “Good Words for the
Prune," but having a regular boarding
place, I skipped that and went right on
reading.
on my handsome but buste 1 remains.
But seriously, how long are these
thriving high ) rices going to last?
What is going to bj the outcome?
Formerly, it used to be the o’.octor.the
law ver, the minister, the journalist who
stood fairiy 1 igh in the social scale, who
,vue iooktd ub to as little tin gods in
he cor.mur.iti s where they heldforth;
out row it is the butcher, the baker, the
.rocir, aid the Iry-goodsman who lead
. he cotillions, are at the front in the grand
marches, and use the bite pencil unre­
sisted.
But it is on the newly-married couples
.hat these prohibitive market prices
mis-ter ned “good times,"fall the more
heavily. A young couple just about to
dare fate by renouncing single blessed­
ness have an idea that they won,t have
to eat after they get married. They
il ink they can live on a small bunch of
violets s.t in the middle of the table and
a cour le of kisses to wash them down;
they fatuously believe, poor deluded
th ligs, that a small piece of blue ribbon
around a white throat, a box of caramels,
a ha n r.o.k and a full, golden moon above
them is the sine qua non of an average
mairied lite —in fine, merely a continu­
ation of their “sparking" days. But we
vid manivd jcople know different.
H„w long will their honeymoon last when
.1 ey ci c < blip cd to wait for the shadesof
right to throw its mantle of darkness
and secrecy around, so that they can
Climb their neighbor’s fence and make
a successful get-a-way of an armful of
wood? What a dampertotheirconjugal
bliss it will be when the “old man,”
■r.ore correctly speaking, the young hus­
band. is obliged to shin up trees to hunt
for ti ds' eggs in lieu of the noble hens'
eggs. Ard, particularly, when the joy­
ous j oung couple is reduced to such
straits that they have to hang a yellow
card with the appalling sign “Diph­
theria In Here: Keep Out!” on their
front gete to scare away the ubiquitous
bill-collector.
Young man. young woman, if you must
get mairied, it your hearts yearn for
double blessedness and will not be denied,
don’t mar ry a bum doctor, an out at-the-
heels lawyer, a seedy editor, or a shiny
coated minister; don t make the fatal
mistake these days of sky-high prices.
But get next to a fat butcher, a red­
faced grocer,a bilious clothing merchant,
or even a villainous plumber, and your
days will be long upon the land, your
nights full of pleasant dreams, your
hearts full of gladsome songs, and,
which is more vital than all the rest put
together, your hungry little tum-tums
will be full to repletion of the fat of the
land.
All railroad accidents occuring on
the Harriman lines of the Oregon and
Washington division will be made
public together with the findings of the
railroad board of inquiry as soon as pos­
sible after the incident, according to
the decision reached by General Man­
ager J, P. O'Brien. Journal.
Now we will know what powerful mo­ After the Fourth
tive lies behind the idea of bringing When in the morning early the bed­
trainsin on time from the California
stead rears and walks.
side.
And the dresser in the coiner to the
chairs begin to talkf
High Prices
When a man's suspendéis stretch them­
selves and waltz around the room,
Prices on everything are.soaring sky­
ward ata rapid rate. Living expenses When giant fire crackers begin to
bang and boom;
have advanced at least twenty per cent
within the last two years. —News Item. When turkey tracks fly in the door
and flit around the bed.
It is a sad thing to see small children
gnawing the bark off the poplar, cork elm And little devils with a pick begin
to pound your head;
and other trees in the back yard; a feeling
of tender, irresistable sympathy surges When elephants without their trunks
come running up the stair.
up in the breast of the writer to see peo­
ple eating the birds off the hats of the And an oyster climbs upon the shelf
and tries to comb his hair;
ladies of the household. The features
of this article have been lying dorman^ When you feel your pockets en p;y
and your mouth is full of taste.
in my vocal chords for mo nths and must
come out or a coroner will soon be sitting When just to think is troublesome
and life a b irren waste;
When the celebration’s over and you'd
like to have a drink.
Then it’s time to go behind the ba: n
and have a quiet think.
Harriman’s System
E. H. Harriman maybe a vicious an I
bad man, bat the O. R. & N. railroal
suits ma. I’ve baen rail rods lots of
times but I’d rather walk over the O.
R. & N. line than ride the brake beam •>
of any railroad I know of. The O. R. & N.
is the pride of Mr. Harriman. He lives
for it. He breathes for it. In fact it
is a part of his system. I walked into
Pendleton. Oregon one evening just for
a stroll, mind you, from Boise, Idaho.
I’d been up to Boise to see my girl.
Her name is Ida. H ar father was a
gardner, so I use! to sit down among
her rutabages and peas and watch Ida
hoe. That was an industrious garden,
too. Many a time I’ve seen that
garden patch and fence. Well, as I
said before, I arrived at Pendleton.
And I was so sleepy that the people
thought I was a resident so I went oat
of town a short distance and took a
nap on the O. R. & N’s road bed. The
air is so heavy arojnd Pendleton that I
had to burn up a wagon load of railroad
ties to keep it light. It makes m?
lonesome to think of those times. I
can’t forget the old ties. Well, I
chartered a private car at Pendleton,
the kind with a side entrance. That’s
thefirsttime I eve- rode on a rail.
The car was full of steel rails and every
time the train would stop my head
would strike the ceiling and I would
come down almost hard enough to split
a rail. I began to think I was Abraham
Lincoln. Whenever the train would
stop it would jar the cars back to the
station we just left, and the only way
I could make any headway was to face
the rear end of the train and let it
jolt me the other way. That train
jolted me so much I nearly sprained
my mind. I had a $2 bill in my pocket,
but when I reached Portland it was all
jolted into nickels and dimes. And it
rained all night. The only way I could
keep dry was to get thirsty. When 1
landed in Portland I didn't have enough
money to buy the hole in a link of
sausage. If postage stamps has been
retailing for two cents a dozen, I
couldn’t stand on a corner and watch
’em bring up the mail.
A Touching Story
In a country graveyard a plain white
board stood at the head of a little
mound of clay, and on it was engraved
the touching epitaph,
“Little Willie, aged eleven,
Now is resting safe in heaven.”
A tramp, passing by, observed the
silent headboard and drawing a grimy
pencil from this ragged vest pocket,
inscribed below:
“You can’t mist always sometimes
tell,
Maybe Willie went to h
.”
William Nannary, Pau) Waddel,
Frank Robinson, Moxie Smith, Charles
Dunford Jr. and Lewis Ulrich went
fishing last Sunday with good results.
It is claimed that Waddel traded a
quart of whiskey (they had some along)
for twenty-eight trout, but Paul refutes
that statement. He says he wouldn’t
trade a quart of whiskey for a mar,-
eating shark.