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About Independence monitor. (Independence, Or.) 1912-19?? | View Entire Issue (May 18, 1917)
"1 jr. .TV '' v . f. r- j af MONITOR "THE PAPER THAT EVERYBODY READS" VOL.5 INDEPENDENCE, POLK COUNTY, OREGON, FRIDAY, MAY 18, 1917 NO. 40 INDEPENDENCE THE RHYMING SUMMARIST Our boys are going away Morning, noon and night, The call to arms has summoned them, Perhaps they'll have to fight; It is with tears that we say goodby And mother hearts are burning, How happy we Are sure to be When they're all returning. Graduates will soon show off In commencement caper, Each will say his lengthy speech And get his final paper; After all is said and done With flowers and much conversing, The boys may fight With all their might And girls do Red Cross nursing. Ross Nelson to Luther Burbank wrote, The letter is here presented, "Enclosed find a million dollars, Send all the freaks invented;" Ross wrill grow a podless bean And a square potato, A colored pea Like a nigger's knee, And a white tomato: In thinking out things to worry of, Those that happen never, Ever stop to think what we'd do If it should rain forever; Sadie says when prices drop, With peace on land and navy, At every meal She will spiel, "Pass the pork and gravy." i a Old Pap Pinkham He Wants Instructions From Washington IT DEAR MR. PRESIDENT, the book of instructions to post masters was published some years oko, and It dues not cover cases which have arisen since. I wish when you happen to meet the postmaster general you would call his attention to this matter. Never a week passes but I find myself in a quan dary, and the fact Is giving mo many anxious hours. Kor Instance, there Is a young Japanese student here at our hijli echooL It la two stories high. The Jap saunters In the postofflce most every day, and, with a grin on his face, he says to me: "Old Pap, we have finally got it" "Do you mean the measles V I says. "No, sir; I mean the name." "The name for what?" "For that part of the United States lying west of the Rocky mountains. When Japan conquers it we shall call it Japan In America, the same as Turks call part of their country Turkey In Europe." Mr. President, I can feel the bristles on my spine rise up with Indignation. I want to go out Into the corridor and take that Jap by the scruff of his neck and throw him Into the street and hit a hog with his body. Should I do that or smile in a supercilious way and reply to him, "Oh, yes; you can call It anything you darned please when you have conquered It?" There la nothing whatever In the book of Instructions to guide my conduct In this affair. cuffed bis ter. The other evening, In spite of what I could say to the contrary, the Jericho Bloodthirsty rangers elected me as their captain and demanded that ( pledge my honor to perish on the bloody field or drive the Invaders from our sa cred soil I made an excuse to go back to the postofflce and consult the book of Instructions, but It was as I feared It would be The place where Instructions should have appeared was a blank. I am at a loss to know whether a postmaster should drop his official du ties to become captain of a band of he roes or keep light on holding the Job and let the heroes wander all over a ten acre lot. If I go to war with them and perish on the spot It will Interrupt business between Jericho and Washington. Have I any rig.it thus to throw things out of gear? There Is a demand that the Bloodthirsty rangers have a photo graph taken with me at the head wav ing my sword as we charge the enemy, but I dare not do It until I receive In structions In the matter. Mrs. Perkins has twice but she la not posunas- The Bloodthirsty Ringers. Something happened only last night to complete my anxieties. 1 attended the usual Thursday night prayer meeting. It is well known all around Jericho that I am for war. There are probably a hundred citizens who are for peace. Most of these were at the prayer meeting mentioned, and they uttered pray ers that all war should cease. There was a genera "Amen" to that, but I had to keep still because I had no postal instructions. They waited for me to say something, but I didn't say It. and after a strained silence of five min utes I thought It beet to get Bp and tiptoe my way out. Does the gov ernment expect me to be a wamor or a peacemaker? 1 want to know so as to shape my course accordingly and hold on to my J"b. OLD PAP PINKHAM. Postmaster In a Quandary. M. QUAD. Copyright. IJIS. by McClure Newspaper Syndicate. ARMY BILL PASSED The army bill, which provides for conscription, passed congress yesterday and will be signed by the President today. Within the next ten days by proclamation of the President day will be set aside for the registration of every man be tween the acres of 21 and 31. If you are over 21 and under 31 you must register. No one is exempt. A jail sentence is the punishment meted out to those who attempt to avoid service. The census will be taken at the regular election polling places, All those registering will not be called into service. There will be many exemptions and just enough lo fill Oregon's quota under the first call will be taken. RED CROSS The Independence branch of the American Red Cross is ready to begin active work. Saturday, May 26, will be Red Cross day and a strenuous effort will be made to increase the local mem bership. At the various stores, Members of the organization will enlist all those who care to help support the admirable cause. At the meeting last night Mrs. Duganne was appointed to visit the Salem Chapter to receive in- sttuctions in making certain hospital supplies. She will then give instructions to the class here, and soon young and old alike will be engrossed in pre paring surgical dressings. Mrs. J. W. Walker kindly offered the use of her sewing machine, which will be used at the Red Cross sewing rooms. The Bureau of First Aid at Washington has authorized Dr. C. F. Cropp to give lectures to the First Aid class, and several have already signed for the course. Dr. Mattson of Portland, who has just returned from the front, will lecture here June 12. Dr. Mattson is a fluent speaker and his experiences while in Belgium are said to be most thrilling. Mrs. Clyde Ecker, Secretary. WAR COMMENT "There are two Germanys," says the Kansas City Star. One, as we see it, is a-plenty. Macon Telegraph. Berlin's idea of a British defeat 13 when Haig tries to advance three miles and makes two. Columbia Record. That wagging Austrian tail looks friendly, but the bite is on the German end of the dog. Wall Street Jeurnal. We hear a good deal these days about "pin-Germany," and we gather that this country is going to do it. Chicago News. "Wotan line impregnable," Berlin claimed; but the Allies knocked the "n" out of the first two word. Chattanooga Newi. In the hope of shielding them from submarine attacks. Great Britain has left off her hospital ships thuir distinctive insignia. Now, if some way could be found to make the French cathedrals look like breweries. New York Sun. McCALL IN ROW M. H. McCall attacked another "lifer" at the pen Monday with a pair of scissors, inflicting a severe scalp wound. It is not known what caused the row but it is surmised the prisoner at tacked must have made some in direct reference.to the "chicken scandal". McCall is now in solitary confinement KEEP OUT OF COURT It is rumored that several suits for damages against the city be cause of alleged injury to proper ty in North Independence grow ing out ' of the street line controversy. It is hoped that further litigation will be avoided and before cases are placed in all i m i me nanas oi lawyers, who gen erally reap a good portion of the harvest, that all property own ers in North Independence, who feel they have been damaged, appeal in person to the city council. It is our opinion that the members of the council, or a majority at least, will be willing to recompense all those who have been really damaged and have a legitimate claim. Law suits are expensive to all concerned and should be and can be avoided. (I L" BOYS THANKFUL FOR FAVORS BECKER-COLLINS. A quiet home wedding took place Wednesday evening, May 16, at the home of Mr. and Mrs. J. R. Collins when their youngest daughter, Cecil, was unitei.iel holy wedlock to John H. Beer, F. Claude Stephens, pastor of he Christian church officiating Only the immediate friends of the bride and groom were pres ent. Mr. and Mrs. Becker have grown up from kids in Inde pendence and both. are held in high esteem. "May their lives be one of pleasure, Gentle a the flowing- streams. And life's cares be no mors painful Than the waking from the dreams." F. G. WHITE-K UPPER. On Saturday evening, May 12, Albert F. White and Cora B. Klepper were united in marriage at the home of the bride s mother, Mrs. Langtry, by Dr. C. Dunsmore. Only immedi ate friends and relatives witnessed the ceremony. Vancouver, Wash., May 11. Corporal Tice On behalf of Company L, I want to extend to yoe and the dear people of Inde pendence our sincere thanks for that great bunch of smokes that we received from you yesterday. Just to have a little joke I had the First Sergeant form the com pany as though we were going to police the parade grounds, then he told those who didn't use tobacco to fall out. Well, as you may guess, several who didn't want to work fell out Then I appeared on the scene with a satchel full of smokes. I was certainly one on them and eeryone enjoyed the joke. There was enough to go around about twice, and when we would: halt to rest during drill hours a j person off a ways would think1 that we were on a real honest to God firing line, every one smok ing and the smoke just roiling up in clouds. - Captain Stafrin and all of us send our best regards to you and Independence town. Yours truly, Lieut Waldo Finn. Vancouver, Wash., May 13. Editor Monitor -I will write a few lines to state that we Inde pendence boys received the box which was ser t to as. We wish to thank the ladies of the Civic League and also Mrs. Eldridge, Mrs. Hays and Mrs. Ecker whe took the time to haul it to the depot. The box contained ervnges, lots of cakes, lemons, smoking tobacco, towels, butter, eggs and soap. When dividing up the butter two pounds of the butter was stolen. The boys were on the warpath and ready to fight. The corporal stopped the fuss by finding the butter. The company also received a box of useful articles such as cigars, cigarettes and smoking tobacco collected by Corporal Tice after he got home. The Independence people have not forgotten the boys who had the courage to join the army. In a few days we expect to move into tents and drill in trenches. Company L has tke best drilled soldiers here. They won a $100 prize last week fer being the best drilled soldiers in the barracks. Mr. Hart and family were here visiting their son Sunday. Roy Whiteaker. DELAYING THE BEETS Continued cold and rainy weather has greatly retarded the planting of the large acreage of sugar beets in this section. Of course, all other planting has also been delayed, but not to the extent that it has the beets. As it is the first year for the sugar product here, the planters had hoped for every advantage in order to make a good showing on the first trial. But the weather bureau proclaims that it is going to warm up now which is encouraging. 12 TO GRADUATE Eight girls and four boys will comprise the 1917 graduating class of the Independence schools. They are Hazel Calbreath, Edith Dawes. Ruby Gentry, Helen Gillespie, Madaleine Kreamer, Eva Mills, Hazel Porterfield, Gertrude Ruch, Wendell Den linger, Wayne Hanna, Keith Roberts end Buren Smiley. The commencement exercises will be held on Friday evening, June 8. Rev. Carl P. Downey of the Willamette university will give the address. The baccalaureate sermon will be delivered by Rev. Chester P. Gates of Corvallis. Do you know that you can buy a flivver by sending three, fair sized runters over the scales? Portland Live Stock Reporter. HOMER McKEE'S PRAYER "Teach me that sixty minutes make an hour, 16 ounces one pound and 100 cents one dollar. "Help me to live so that I can lie down at night with a clear conscience, without a gun under my pillow and unhaunted by the faces of those to whom I have brought pain. "Grant, I beseech Thee, that 1 may earn my meal ticket on the square, and in doing thereof that I may not stick the gaff where it does not belong. "Deafen me to the jingle of tainted money and the rustle of unholy skirts. "Blind me to the faults of the other fellow, but reveal to me my own. "Guide me so that each night when I look across the dinner table at my wife, who has been a blessing to me, I shall have nothing to conceal. "Keep me young enough to laugh with my children and to lose myself in their play. "And then, when conies the smell of flowers, and the tread of soft steps, and the crushing of the hearse's wheels in the gravel out in front of my place, make the ceremony short and the epitaph simple: " 'Here Lies a Man.' "From the Kansas State Board of Health Bureau. WHY I'LL JOIN THE RED CROSS Because I want to do my bit in tke nation's time of need. Because I dollar to the Red Cross gives such a big service for so small a price. Because it doesn't bind in any way; dollar makes me a Red Cross member, and then I am free to do whatever else I may desire to help out. Because in all history there is nothing finer or nobler the service of the Red Cross nurss to humanity and her devotion to her task; my membership makes this pomllilo. Becaune the Red Cross is ministering to human wants and relieving human suffering; and I want to do my part. Because the dollar I give for membership may result in the saving of a life. Because my dollar, your dollar and your neighbor's dollar send the best of, trained nurses and skilled physicians to every battle front and to the scene of every other disaster; it is an efficient service. BecauHe Red Cross service ia as essential in time of peace as in time of war; the Red Cross sombats the disease plagues of mankind ia time of peace. -ooo- :: HONOR AMONG THIEVES -ooo- HE atol a kiss, but cava It back. And now tha lrl believes That there Is still same honor Uft Anions some sort of thieves. Yonkers Statesman. i ASKING TOO MUCH 1 a WOMAN went Into a big department store the other day to pun hane Houie linens. As she couldn't locals the liix.nl she wautt-d, she approached the floorwalker, woo was remarkably knock kneed, find aHked 111 id to direct her to where ttu-y were on sola. "Walk this way, please." said the Boor walker as be started to lead the way to the pruer counter. The woman gazed at him for a second or two lu a sort of fascinated way aa he stepped off In front of her, and theu in a somewhat scared voice that brought a aid: "Uooduew gracious me'. If you were to give me all the iIik uh In the store for nothing 1 couldn't walk that way, and I dun't want to." "Wslk this way," please." broad smile to all within bearing she ttiiMmnmn