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"THE PAPER THAT EVERYBODY READS"
INDEPENDENCE, POLK COUNTY, OREGON, FRIDAY, MAY 18, 1917
THE RHYMING SUMMARIST
Our boys are going away
Morning, noon and night,
The call to arms has summoned them,
Perhaps they'll have to fight;
It is with tears that we say goodby
And mother hearts are burning,
How happy we
Are sure to be
When they're all returning.
Graduates will soon show off
In commencement caper,
Each will say his lengthy speech
And get his final paper;
After all is said and done
With flowers and much conversing,
The boys may fight
With all their might
And girls do Red Cross nursing.
Ross Nelson to Luther Burbank wrote,
The letter is here presented,
"Enclosed find a million dollars,
Send all the freaks invented;"
Ross wrill grow a podless bean
And a square potato,
A colored pea
Like a nigger's knee,
And a white tomato:
In thinking out things to worry of,
Those that happen never,
Ever stop to think what we'd do
If it should rain forever;
Sadie says when prices drop,
With peace on land and navy,
At every meal
She will spiel,
"Pass the pork and gravy."
Old Pap Pinkham He Wants Instructions From Washington
IT DEAR MR. PRESIDENT, the book of instructions to post
masters was published some years oko, and It dues not cover
cases which have arisen since. I wish when you happen to
meet the postmaster general you would call his attention to
this matter. Never a week passes but I find myself in a quan
dary, and the fact Is giving mo many anxious hours.
Kor Instance, there Is a young Japanese student here at our
hijli echooL It la two stories high. The Jap saunters In the
postofflce most every day, and, with a grin on his face, he says to me:
"Old Pap, we have finally got it"
"Do you mean the measles V I says.
"No, sir; I mean the name."
"The name for what?"
"For that part of the United States lying west of the Rocky mountains.
When Japan conquers it we shall call it Japan In America, the same as Turks
call part of their country Turkey In Europe."
Mr. President, I can feel the bristles on my spine rise up with Indignation.
I want to go out Into the corridor and take that Jap by the scruff of his neck
and throw him Into the street and hit a hog with his body. Should I do that or
smile in a supercilious way and reply to him, "Oh, yes; you can call It anything
you darned please when you have conquered It?"
There la nothing whatever In the book
of Instructions to guide my conduct In
The other evening, In spite of what I
could say to the contrary, the Jericho
Bloodthirsty rangers elected me as
their captain and demanded that (
pledge my honor to perish on the bloody
field or drive the Invaders from our sa
cred soil I made an excuse to go back
to the postofflce and consult the book of
Instructions, but It was as I feared It
would be The place where Instructions
should have appeared was a blank.
I am at a loss to know whether a
postmaster should drop his official du
ties to become captain of a band of he
roes or keep light on holding the Job
and let the heroes wander all over a
ten acre lot.
If I go to war with them and perish
on the spot It will Interrupt business
between Jericho and Washington. Have
I any rig.it thus to throw things out of
gear? There Is a demand that the
Bloodthirsty rangers have a photo
graph taken with me at the head wav
ing my sword as we charge the enemy,
but I dare not do It until I receive In
structions In the matter.
Mrs. Perkins has twice
but she la not posunas-
The Bloodthirsty Ringers.
Something happened only last night to complete my anxieties. 1 attended
the usual Thursday night prayer meeting. It is well known all around Jericho
that I am for war. There are probably a hundred citizens who are for peace.
Most of these were at the prayer meeting mentioned, and they uttered pray
ers that all war should cease. There was a genera "Amen" to that, but I had
to keep still because I had no postal instructions. They waited for me to say
something, but I didn't say It. and after a strained silence of five min
utes I thought It beet to get Bp and tiptoe my way out. Does the gov
ernment expect me to be a wamor or a peacemaker? 1 want to know
so as to shape my course accordingly and hold on to my J"b.
OLD PAP PINKHAM. Postmaster In a Quandary.
Copyright. IJIS. by McClure Newspaper Syndicate.
ARMY BILL PASSED
The army bill, which provides
for conscription, passed congress
yesterday and will be signed by
the President today.
Within the next ten days by
proclamation of the President
day will be set aside for the
registration of every man be
tween the acres of 21 and 31. If
you are over 21 and under 31
you must register. No one is
exempt. A jail sentence is the
punishment meted out to those
who attempt to avoid service.
The census will be taken at the
regular election polling places,
All those registering will not
be called into service. There
will be many exemptions and
just enough lo fill Oregon's
quota under the first call will be
The Independence branch of
the American Red Cross is ready
to begin active work. Saturday,
May 26, will be Red Cross day
and a strenuous effort will be
made to increase the local mem
bership. At the various stores,
Members of the organization will
enlist all those who care to help
support the admirable cause.
At the meeting last night Mrs.
Duganne was appointed to visit
the Salem Chapter to receive in-
sttuctions in making certain
hospital supplies. She will then
give instructions to the class
here, and soon young and old
alike will be engrossed in pre
paring surgical dressings. Mrs.
J. W. Walker kindly offered the
use of her sewing machine,
which will be used at the Red
Cross sewing rooms.
The Bureau of First Aid at
Washington has authorized Dr.
C. F. Cropp to give lectures to
the First Aid class, and several
have already signed for the
Dr. Mattson of Portland, who
has just returned from the front,
will lecture here June 12. Dr.
Mattson is a fluent speaker and
his experiences while in Belgium
are said to be most thrilling.
Mrs. Clyde Ecker,
"There are two Germanys,"
says the Kansas City Star. One,
as we see it, is a-plenty. Macon
Berlin's idea of a British defeat
13 when Haig tries to advance
three miles and makes two.
That wagging Austrian tail
looks friendly, but the bite is on
the German end of the dog.
Wall Street Jeurnal.
We hear a good deal these days
about "pin-Germany," and we
gather that this country is going
to do it. Chicago News.
"Wotan line impregnable,"
Berlin claimed; but the Allies
knocked the "n" out of the first
two word. Chattanooga Newi.
In the hope of shielding them
from submarine attacks. Great
Britain has left off her hospital
ships thuir distinctive insignia.
Now, if some way could be found
to make the French cathedrals
look like breweries. New York
McCALL IN ROW
M. H. McCall attacked another
"lifer" at the pen Monday with
a pair of scissors, inflicting a
severe scalp wound. It is not
known what caused the row but
it is surmised the prisoner at
tacked must have made some in
direct reference.to the "chicken
scandal". McCall is now in
KEEP OUT OF COURT
It is rumored that several suits
for damages against the city be
cause of alleged injury to proper
ty in North Independence grow
ing out ' of the street line
controversy. It is hoped that
further litigation will be avoided
and before cases are placed in
all i m i
me nanas oi lawyers, who gen
erally reap a good portion of the
harvest, that all property own
ers in North Independence, who
feel they have been damaged,
appeal in person to the city
council. It is our opinion that
the members of the council, or a
majority at least, will be willing
to recompense all those who have
been really damaged and have a
legitimate claim. Law suits are
expensive to all concerned and
should be and can be avoided.
L" BOYS THANKFUL FOR FAVORS
A quiet home wedding took
place Wednesday evening, May
16, at the home of Mr. and Mrs.
J. R. Collins when their youngest
daughter, Cecil, was unitei.iel
holy wedlock to John H. Beer,
F. Claude Stephens, pastor of
he Christian church officiating
Only the immediate friends of
the bride and groom were pres
Mr. and Mrs. Becker have
grown up from kids in Inde
pendence and both. are held in
"May their lives be one of pleasure,
Gentle a the flowing- streams.
And life's cares be no mors painful
Than the waking from the dreams."
On Saturday evening, May 12,
Albert F. White and Cora B.
Klepper were united in marriage
at the home of the bride s
mother, Mrs. Langtry, by Dr.
C. Dunsmore. Only immedi
ate friends and relatives
witnessed the ceremony.
Vancouver, Wash., May 11.
Corporal Tice On behalf of
Company L, I want to extend to
yoe and the dear people of Inde
pendence our sincere thanks for
that great bunch of smokes that
we received from you yesterday.
Just to have a little joke I had
the First Sergeant form the com
pany as though we were going
to police the parade grounds,
then he told those who didn't
use tobacco to fall out. Well, as
you may guess, several who
didn't want to work fell out
Then I appeared on the scene
with a satchel full of smokes. I
was certainly one on them and
eeryone enjoyed the joke.
There was enough to go around
about twice, and when we would:
halt to rest during drill hours a j
person off a ways would think1
that we were on a real honest to
God firing line, every one smok
ing and the smoke just roiling
up in clouds. -
Captain Stafrin and all of us
send our best regards to you and
Lieut Waldo Finn.
Vancouver, Wash., May 13.
Editor Monitor -I will write a
few lines to state that we Inde
pendence boys received the box
which was ser t to as. We wish
to thank the ladies of the Civic
League and also Mrs. Eldridge,
Mrs. Hays and Mrs. Ecker whe
took the time to haul it to the
depot. The box contained
ervnges, lots of cakes, lemons,
smoking tobacco, towels, butter,
eggs and soap. When dividing
up the butter two pounds of the
butter was stolen. The boys
were on the warpath and ready
to fight. The corporal stopped
the fuss by finding the butter.
The company also received a box
of useful articles such as cigars,
cigarettes and smoking tobacco
collected by Corporal Tice after
he got home. The Independence
people have not forgotten the
boys who had the courage to join
In a few days we expect to
move into tents and drill in
trenches. Company L has tke
best drilled soldiers here. They
won a $100 prize last week fer
being the best drilled soldiers in
Mr. Hart and family were here
visiting their son Sunday.
DELAYING THE BEETS
Continued cold and rainy
weather has greatly retarded the
planting of the large acreage of
sugar beets in this section. Of
course, all other planting has
also been delayed, but not to the
extent that it has the beets. As
it is the first year for the sugar
product here, the planters had
hoped for every advantage in
order to make a good showing
on the first trial. But the
weather bureau proclaims that it
is going to warm up now which
12 TO GRADUATE
Eight girls and four boys will
comprise the 1917 graduating
class of the Independence schools.
They are Hazel Calbreath, Edith
Dawes. Ruby Gentry, Helen
Gillespie, Madaleine Kreamer,
Eva Mills, Hazel Porterfield,
Gertrude Ruch, Wendell Den
linger, Wayne Hanna, Keith
Roberts end Buren Smiley. The
commencement exercises will be
held on Friday evening, June 8.
Rev. Carl P. Downey of the
Willamette university will give
the address. The baccalaureate
sermon will be delivered by Rev.
Chester P. Gates of Corvallis.
Do you know that you can buy
a flivver by sending three, fair
sized runters over the scales?
Portland Live Stock Reporter.
HOMER McKEE'S PRAYER
"Teach me that sixty minutes
make an hour, 16 ounces one
pound and 100 cents one dollar.
"Help me to live so that I can
lie down at night with a clear
conscience, without a gun under
my pillow and unhaunted by the
faces of those to whom I have
"Grant, I beseech Thee, that 1
may earn my meal ticket on the
square, and in doing thereof that
I may not stick the gaff where it
does not belong.
"Deafen me to the jingle of
tainted money and the rustle of
"Blind me to the faults of the
other fellow, but reveal to me
"Guide me so that each night
when I look across the dinner
table at my wife, who has been a
blessing to me, I shall have
nothing to conceal.
"Keep me young enough to
laugh with my children and to
lose myself in their play.
"And then, when conies the
smell of flowers, and the tread
of soft steps, and the crushing
of the hearse's wheels in the
gravel out in front of my place,
make the ceremony short and
the epitaph simple:
" 'Here Lies a Man.' "From
the Kansas State Board of Health
WHY I'LL JOIN THE RED CROSS
Because I want to do my bit in tke nation's time of need.
Because I dollar to the Red Cross gives such a big service for
so small a price.
Because it doesn't bind in any way; dollar makes me a Red Cross
member, and then I am free to do whatever else I may desire
to help out.
Because in all history there is nothing finer or nobler the service of
the Red Cross nurss to humanity and her devotion to her task; my
membership makes this pomllilo.
Becaune the Red Cross is ministering to human wants and
relieving human suffering; and I want to do my part.
Because the dollar I give for membership may result in the saving
of a life.
Because my dollar, your dollar and your neighbor's dollar send the
best of, trained nurses and skilled physicians to every battle front and
to the scene of every other disaster; it is an efficient service.
BecauHe Red Cross service ia as essential in time of peace as in
time of war; the Red Cross sombats the disease plagues of mankind
ia time of peace.
:: HONOR AMONG THIEVES
HE atol a kiss, but cava It back.
And now tha lrl believes
That there Is still same honor Uft
Anions some sort of thieves.
i ASKING TOO MUCH 1
a WOMAN went Into a big department store the other day
to pun hane Houie linens. As she couldn't locals the
liix.nl she wautt-d, she approached the floorwalker, woo
was remarkably knock kneed, find aHked 111 id to direct her to
where ttu-y were on sola.
"Walk this way,
please." said the Boor
walker as be started
to lead the way to
the pruer counter.
The woman gazed
at him for a second
or two lu a sort of
fascinated way aa he
stepped off In front
of her, and theu in a
voice that brought a
"Uooduew gracious me'. If you were to give me all the
iIik uh In the store for nothing 1 couldn't walk that way, and
I dun't want to."
"Wslk this way," please."
broad smile to all within bearing she