MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING
The Absent Members
The regular meeting o f the Ladies Bean
Club was held recently and Mesdames
Crank, Lank, Rank and Tank were absent.
During the session, it was learned from the
conversation that Mrs. Crank was so ornery
that none of the members liked her, Mrs.
Lank was so extravagant that her poor
husband had lost a fair sized portion of his
nose on the grindstone, that Airs. Rank was
vulgar and chased men and Mrs. Tank was
stuck up because her husband happened to
inherit some money.
There was a good one to tell on Mrs.
Sank but she was present. -
T S U I CAPTIVE
GERMANS KINDLY
The Rhyming Summarist
Once more we eat the flour of wheat
And it tastes most awful well,
But just how long w e’ll have it tho,
No one knows to tell;
Barley, sawdust, oats and rice
Which was used for baking,
Say .weren’t we hooked!
When it was cooked
To curb our hunger’s acheing.
0
A Ladies Home Journal Story
The following story from the most recent
issue o f the Ladies Home Journal was much
read, possibly with sufficient reason:
“ A man put a bundle in the rack of the
railroad car above a man sitting next to the
window and sat down in the unoccupied
part of the seat. It was a warm day and
Switzerland fo live. 1 would go to
America, but they don’t like Germans
over there any more.”
“ Why are you going to leave Ger
many?”
For an answer there was a shrug o f
shoulders and a half scowl, half smile.
“ Are you satisfied here?”
“ It’s a lot better than being in a
grave where a lot of them are.”
the man under the rack had his hat in his
hand. Suddenly a gentle little trickle came
down from the bundle on the man’s head.
Wiping the top of his head with a hand
kerchief he turned to his neighbor and said:
“ Something in your bundle seems to be
leaking. Pickles?” “ No,” said the man,
“ Puppies.”
Hint For the Food Administration
According to the gospel of Bill Craven, it
is not essential for all ice cream to have
sugar in it. There are evenings he
says when it gets so sweet in his serving
room that it tastes way out in the front end
of the store. He advocates two kinds
of ice cream— sweet and unsweetened. The
sweet be served to children, married people
and old maids and the unsweetened to
lustrates why. in dealing with all types
o f ships, gross tonnage, or the actual
size regardless of the space allotted to
cargo, has been chosen Internationally
as more truly Indicative o f the size of
a fleet.
There has been a steady Increase in
new ships this year, the May tonnage
being three times as great as the Jan
uary output, and greater than the
whole output for the year 1914. In
the first month o f 1918 there were 57
ships o f 64,759 tons given official
numbers.
In February 84 ships o f
117,601 gross tons were numbered.
March saw a notable jump In the pro
duction o f small ships, numbers being
awarded to 138, the tonnage being 147,-
145.
The record In April was 165
ships o f 163,050 tons, and In May 185
ships o f 194,465 tons.
young folks hopelessly drifting toward
matrimony.
0
AN UN FINISH ED POME
The farmer toils in the blistering siin,
He has his do to do,
His wife stands o ’er a red hot stove,
Rather uncomfortable too;
The hired man— then we happened to
think that the hired man is a creature
that is rapidly becoming extinct and if
any farmer has one he keeps him in a
glass jar and charges an admission price
to see him.
0
Homer \\ ood, who was up on a wind
mill once, says that a “ pancake landing”
like Lieutenant^Floyd used to jump in a
French lake, means Hat. A ll right.
THE A N SW E R OF THE FOREIGN BORN
(Coutuiued from Huge 2.)
lie would, there was always that man above— the man on
the hill— whose place he could uot reach.
Cleveland, O.— One o f the
For that man’s sous there were schools and professions
least surprising thing to be
t
------------
seen on the streets o f Cleveland
and places of honor. For our sous there was work, work
French Generous to Prisoners De
now is a taxicab driver calmly
without hope, the work of stalwart, steady oxen, work for
sitting In a taxi at Its stand,
spite Brutal Course of
a living, not for the full life of the boy’s yearning and his
purling and dropping, while sox
Enemy.
and sweaters develop before
capacity.
your eyes. But the drivers a re»
The girl of his heart he could not marry, for she lived
girls, fo r Cleveland Is rapidly**
on the hill, and the hill to him was a world apart, never to
getting a large proportion o f Its
M E GLAD TO BE OUT OF IT
X day drivers from the other sex.
be scaled by his aspiring impulse. The way of public
service was closed to him, save as the servitor of the man
Italian Invents Canned Lightning
Sight of Long American Columns Do-
above. A soldier he could be; aye, he must be, under a
“NO CHILDREN’” RULE BANNED
Capable of Destroying
•troy» Hun Hope* of Victory— Live
captain who knew him only as a shield or a spear, under a
Like Happy Family In
GETS BROTHER TO RECRUIT king he had no part in choosing, under a Hag that gave
Trenches of Enemy.
Landlords in Seattle Are Appealed to
Prison Camp.
to Remove Signs From Their
Agent From Canada Had flot 8een him bounty, uot opportunity.
Buildings.
Him In Twenty Years.
And we, the foreign born, are here now to do our part,
With the American Forces In France.
“ Why don’t you Join the army and
— France knows that her prisoners In TERRIBLE ENGINE OF DEATH
Seattle, Wash.— “ No Children A l
our
full part, in the making of America. A ll the thous
Germany are treated badly, but Ger
lowed" signs must be removed by Se do your bit, friend?” said Sergt. Harry
ands of years of upward struggle, the climb from serfdom
man prisoners are treated humanely
attle landlords from their properties. Black, on recruiting service for the
and even generously In French pris Claimed Invention Could End W ar In ] according to J. W. Spangler, vice pres British recruiting mission to a roan up, has led to the land of equal chance.
Thirty Days and Allies Could March
ons Just the same, writes Don Martin
ident o f the Seattle chamber o f com standing idly on a corner in Minne
W e tied from the man above.
In the New York Herald.
I asked
Unchallenged Into Berlin.
merce. H e has Issued an appeal to apolis.
Here
we have no master but ourselves. Our hats come
“
Beg
pardon,
but
Is
your
name
an officer in charge o f a French prison
rooming house proprietors, hotel men
Testa Prove Ite Value.
camp why this Is, and he shrugged
off to genius, not to rank. The great house on the hill is
I and owners o f rental properties, de- Black?” was the stranger’s answer.
“ Yes, it Is, but you are a strauger
Ills shoulders and said m erely:
Rome.— The kaiser’s dream o f vic ’ daring that owing to the scarcity of
the home of one who once was a section hand. His money
to me,” retorted the sergeant.
“ Ah 1”
quarters
fo
r
shipyard
workers
and
tory and world supremacy may be
“
I
may
be
a
stranger,
but
I
am
also
gave wages till we had money to pay wages.
Unless one could see the gesture blasted out by “ canned lightning,” a ■ others engaged In war work the sltu-
accompanying the monosyllable he terrible death engine Invented by an ! ution in this city Is becoming alarming. your brother,” was the reply.
There was hope in our hearts and that hope has blossom
A fter the first Interchange o f experi
would hardly know what meaning to Italian scientist. Dazzling swords o f
ed
into brigbt-eved boys and girls, into homes where
ences gone through In the last twenty
attach to I t
It really meant:
fire, more deadly than are highest ex
years
of
separation
the
brothers
stalk
pianos
play, into schools and colleges and law courts and
“ Oh, what’s the use o f being bru plosives, followed by annihilating ex
ed Into the recruiting headquarters
tal to Individuals just because some plosions, are capable o f destroying en
legislatures,
where our boys work beside other boys and
and the civilian brother made applica
one else Is? W e wish we could, but emy trenches with one blinding flash,
win
ahead,
into
honors which come with talent, leadership
tion for enlistment and was accepted.
w e can’t.”
according to his claims. Mine sweep
that comes with character, into fellowship that knows no
I have Inspected several prisons, ers equipped with this device could
some large and some small, and In fire mines thousands o f yards distant.
BRITISH OFFER GRATUITIES circle beside a common taste, into a pride, a compelling
every one I have found the Germans On the land, “ canned lightning” could
pride, a spurring, life-giving pride that we are of, that we
treated quite as well as civil prisoners be used to form a most successful bar Department of Commerce Gives
Men Promoted From Ranke to Re
In normal times and in many Instances rage and could wipe out the defenders
are for— this land of equal chance.
ceive
Grant
of
$250.
First War Statistics.
better. Officers are rtbt humiliated In o f German trenches with unerring cer
Important concessions to noncom
I f justice falls in this land, ours is the fault. I f the
any way. In fact they receive better
missioned officers and men who receive |
tainty.
torch
of liberty fades or fails, ours be the blame. I f our
treatment, a stranger would think,
temporary commissions are announced
The scientist Is credited with hav
than they are really entitled to.
Hag
falls,
Jill the eager and struggling ones in other lands
ing discovered a means o f concentrat SECOND ONLY TO BRITISH in a new British army order.
Prisoners Live Happily.
Men promoted from the ranks will will lose heart; all those who painted its starry field in
ing and reflecting electric rays In snch
On a low hill about 1,000 feet from a manner as to produce the results de
receive a grant o f $250 fo r the provi
hopeful blue and drew its stripes in courageous red will
h main road of France stands a prison scribed. It Is reported that this In ! Merchant Marine of America Now
sion o f kit and uniform, and those who
— five low wooden buildings surround- ventor has proved to representatives
reproach
us forevermore.
—
10,000,000 Tone— 692 Vessels Built In sign an undertaking to serve at least
ad by two barbed wire fences, with o f his government that electric cur
two years after the termination o f hos
W e know that this freedom is at once our glory and our
Last Five Months— 8ingle Month’s
armed pickets always patrolling out rent can be concentrated and directed
tilities will receive a further outfit al
Growth In 1918 Equals Whole Num
danger. For now there is no .man above; we have no will
side. H ere are 200 Germans, many o f In rays.
**w
lowance of $537.
— - —-—
ber Launched in 1914— Now Reckon
them prisoners taken In the early bat
Tests Held on Banks of Tiber.
I f an officer ceases to serve within | to guide but our own. We have come to the time of test.
by Deadweight Tonnage.
tle o f the Somme, but some taken
that period the allowance o f $537 shall
In describing the results o f these
We will not falter; we will not weaken. The Old World
more recently. They are all privates tests, held on the banks o f the
be deducted from the gratuity or re
and constitute as happy a fam ily as historic Tiber, F. H. Randnll, writing
The steady growth o f the American tired pay due to him, but If he should shall not see us break and run when challenged.
one could find where personal liberty In the Illustrated World, says that the merchant marine In all classes o f ves die before the end o f the war the
What has been gained and given to us we hold for our
Is the one thing desired and denied.
scientist was asked to burn through sels has been revealed fo r the first 1 amount w ill be credited to his estatf I
selves
and our sons.
_ _
J
The Germans stood at their barbed a three-inch plank o f hardwood. In time since the war began In statistics
TAXICAB DRIVERS KNIT
BUT THEY ARE WOMEN
BLASTS KAISER'S
HOPE BF VICTORY
OUR TRADE FLEET
NOW27171 SHIPS
fences hours at a time and watched an Instant, the writer says, the plank
the endless line o f soldiers. When it was seared and broken as I f It had
w as the blue o f France that was mov been brokpn by lightning.
in g past the Germans were not pai ilcu-
Officials «hen asked the scientist to
la riy Interested. They bad seen that explode two bombs, one hidden along
fo r years. They know France always the bank o f the river and the other In
bas had an endless line of everything the bed o f the stream. Within ten
needed fo r war. But when they saw minutes the bomb along the bank ex
the khaki o f America filing or rolling ploded.
It required a mueh longer
by fo r a whole day and then fo r an time to explode the other bomb, but
other, and heard the muddy shuffle o f this, too, was finally accomplished.
fe e t through the night, there was a The entire outfit used by thp Inventor
change In the dull expression o f those was placed on a single small barge.
German eyes. It was at this time that
An approximate Idea o f the power
I went to the prison to learn what they o f the arcing electricity may be ob
thought o f what they had seen. First tained by watching an electric furnace
it should be stated that these prisoners at work. It will cut the hardest steel
see little o f recent developments In like putty.
To flash such a flame
the war. They must form their opin through an aeroplane, submarine, bat
ions from ruch fragments o f conversa tleship or a trench would leave a to
tion as they hear from their keepers tal wreck. Mines placed In the North
and from what they see, as, fo r In sea by the Germnns could be elim
stance, from the long, long line of inated, and mine sweepers could de
Americans, the first they had seen.
stroy all o f these hidden terrors o f the
In this particular prison the new sea located within thousands o f yards
comers had brought the news situation o f the ship.
up to early spring, but as for the big
Death to Airplanes.
offensive the prisoners knew only that I In a graphic description. Mr. Rand
there probably would be one.
all paints a picture o f what would
Americans Surprise German*.
happen with this machine In aetlon.
When I asked 11 there was a German Every enemy airplane or any fleet of
among the two hundred who could them would fall to earth, a crumpled
apeak English, a good looking young wreck. A t the touch o f n button, a
man, with a typical Teutonic mustache, bolt o f electricity would suddenly
red cheeks, a glow o f health, was call shoot forward with Incredible speed.
ed out. H e stepped Into my presence A few scarred parts would be all that
like an automaton, clicked his heels to was left o f what had been a soaring
gether and saluted the French captain. airplane a few minutes before.
H e told roe he was a private; that he
A scout could lurk with his deadly
has a home in Lucerne, Switzerland; weapons, connected with the gener
that he fought eight months, but was ators and concentrators behind the
never wounded ; that he Is in the whole lines, In shell holes or craters In “ no
sale dry goods business In Berlin, and man’s land.”
When
the enemy
that he does business with John Wana- charged he could sweep the whole line
maker, Marshall Field and Stern as It passed, annihilating each succes
Brothers.
sive wave o f advancing Germans.
"W hat d if you think o f all the Am eri
Mr. Randall says that he can’t say
cans you have seen pasr ng here recent that this has been donfc or will be
ly?” I asked him.
done, but he don’t dare to suggest that
"I have seen many Americans,” he It cannot be accomplished.
Light,
•aid. " i was surprised that you have heat and rays o f other kind can be
reflected. He conclude* by saying:
ao many In France.”
“ Once this problem Is solved there
Another prisoner, less prepossessing
in appearance than the first, was asked will be no wsr. I f the allies were pos
abont things In general. He spoke sessed o f equipment that would permit
the arcing at a distance o f powerful
English poorly.
“I live in Berlin and work In a bank, electric currents, the war would be
but eras In the war for two years. won In SO days and allied troops would
Wbaa the war la over I am going to be marching unchallenged Into Bar-
from the department o f commerce.
They show that In the first five months
o f this year there have been built in
this country and officially numbered
, by the bureau o f navigation a total
of 629 vessels o f 687,055 gross tons.
The merchant fleet o f the United
States now amounts to approximately
10,000,000 gross tons, not Including
merchant craft under control o f the
army and naviy as transports and sup
p ly ships.
A t the beginning o f Jan
uary 26,242 merchant vessels o f 9,353,-
224 gross tons were flying the Stars
and Stripes on trips across the Atlan
tic with food and munitions, Into the
Caribbean and Pacific with American
products fo r foreign customers and on
the lakes and rivers o f this country as
part o f the nation’s domestic trans
portation system.
Includes New Vessels.
This tremendous fleet is second only
to the merchant tonnage o f Great Brit
ain. It Includes all new vessels built
under the direction o f the shipping
board and thousands o f other ships,
smaller In tonnage but greater in car
rying capacity, which play so large a
pHrt in commerce and the maintenance
o f a favorable balance o f trade.
A ll merchant vessels are required by
law to register with the bureau of
navigation o f the department o f com
merce and to receive an official Iden
tification number, before being per
mitted to fly the flag o f the United
States. The number is awarded when
the finished ship is measured fo r gross
tonnage capacity, which is the content
o f the ship in terms of 100 cubic feet
and the internationally accepted meth
od o f expressing size.
The shipping board, building exclu
sively cargo ships, has adopted dead
weight tonnage as the medium o f com
puting new tonnage, deadweight capa
city being the actual weight o f cargo
and bunker coal which can be carried.
Indicates Fleet's 8lze.
The deadweight tonnage o f a cargo
ship la about 50 per cent greater than
Its gross tonnage, but In a passenger
vessel is less, because the space la oc
cupied by passenger accommodation.
Tho form er German liner Vaterland.
now the Leviathan, has a gross ton
nage o f 54.000, but a deadweight capa
city o f only about 5.000 tons, which 11-
WHY GUYON FIGHTS
This
French Poilu Is
Fire-Eater.
iront une.
READY FOR A CHARGE
Regular
l g » r.
—
Bride Taken Prisoner and Horribly
Abused by Huns, Escapes to
Tell 8tory.
t \r 0 „ Jÿr*
<*•:'*
Parts.— Guyon’s a regular fire-eater.
H e has been cited six times. He wears
a erolx de guerre and a medallle d’hon-
neur. H e captured a German mitrail
leuse single-handed. He went out alope
In No Man’s Land to bring back a
wounded comrade. H e’s been wounded
himself four times.
When he Is back o f the lines, off
duty, he helps a Y. M. C. A. secretary
hand out writing paper to his com
rades In a foyer du soldat. But It
Isn’t active enough fo r him.
Since
Xugust, 1914. he doesn't seem to need
to rest. When he Isn’t in the trenches
he works off his surplus energy cuss
ing out the way the war Is run be
cause he Isn’t In active service every
minute.
There are a lot o f poitus like Guyou.
Get thrtn ten kilometers back o f the
front and they growl and roar all day.
Put them In the trenches and you sim
ply can’t hold them In.
Probably a story lies back o f most
o f them Jnat as one explains Guyon.
When the war broke out Guyon had
Just married. He and his w ife were
living In a little town np near the Bel
gian border. O f course he was called
and le ft fo r the front. For more than
a year he did not hear from his w ife—
not a word. A t last he received'* let
ter from her. mailed In Parts.
She had been taken prisoner at the
time o f the Invasion and deported In
to Germany. A fter a year o f horrible
auffertng and abuse, she escaped Into
Holland and got back to France by
way o f London. A t last she reached
Paris and went to work In a munitions
fketory, where she Is still working.
Onyon told his story to the Ameri
can Y . M. O. A. secretary with typical
French calmness. His fury against the
Bochee be puts Into action In tho
T \
'
-<X:r ' Z À
OREGON HAS NO W A R
PLANTS ’TIS CLAIMED
(Benton County Courier.)
Oregon has a nation-wide reputa-
I lion as I lie most patriotic of states,
; yet within its big boundaries there is
not a fori, offntnnmeiit, aviation field
or any oilier federal war activity.
Washington and California are full
of them. Whv is it?
# ' fr - »r
Max Goldman
Deals in
HIDES
PELTS
WOOL
FURS
MOHAIR
CASCARA BARK
VEA L
!
PORK
BEEF
POULTRY
BUTTER
EGGS
These French grenadiers are pre
paring fo r a raid on the German lines.
States soldier n o w serving
In France.
Dallas, Ore.— Mr. and Mrs. I. N.
Woods received a letter from their
son, Laird Woods, recently, and In It
he stated that h“ had Just received his
first mall since arriving In France.
The mall consisted o f 84 letters and
six package«. Young Woods together
with several other Company L boys of
this city, were left behind In a hospital
In Neyv York when the Oregon troops
•ailed fo r France, and he sailed on a
later date but never caught up with
the regiment.
He was finally assigned to a com
pany in the old Montana National
Onard and la serving with that regi
ment somewhere near the fighting
front la France now,__________________
]
FARM PRODUCE
WOOD
WOOD
GROCERIES
SHOES
FUR NISH ING S
DRY GOODS
CASH OR TRADE
SW O PE & SW OPE
LAW YERS
I. 0. 0. F. Building
Independence,
,
Oregom