T H
P
E
O
L
COUNTY
K
P O S T .
A S a n 1-Weskly Newspaper.
Published
Twice
a W eek
at Independence, Polk County,
Oregon,
on
Tuesday and Friday
KEEP CHIEF OF
ARMY POUCE BUSY
Entered as second-class matter March 20, 1918, at the postoflice at In
American Troops Not Unruly, but
dependence, Oregon, under the Act of March 3, 1879.
Full of Mischief.
Subscription Rates:
$1.50 a Y ea r S tric tly in A d va n ce; S ix Months
$1.00; T h ree months 50 cents. A ll subscriptions stopped at expiration.
FROLIC LIKE COLLEGE BOYS
C LY D E T. ECKER, Editor.
Cigars, Eggs, a Baseball and -a Bottle
o f Wine Among Missing Articles to
Be Traced One Day— Escapades No
More Than Reaction From the
USE SHORT WORDS
eavy Strain of Very Active Army
(Eldorado Republican.)
Maneuvers.
Literary aspirants should religiously eschew polysyl-
-----
labic orthography. The philosophical and philological
When the whole story o f this war
shall have been written it will be in
substructure of this principle is ineluctable. Excessive complete
without u chapter about how
ly atenuated verbal symbols inevitably induce unneces the American boys behaved in France.
sary complexity, and consequently exaggerate the obfus- The historian should get the materlul
that chapter from the provost mar
ication of the mentality of the peruser. Conversely, ex for
shal.
He is the chief o f police, so
pressions which are reduced to the furthermore minimum fur us the Americans are concerned.
I am at present living with a regl
of simplification and compactness, besides contributing
stutioned in a little French vil
realistic verisimilitude, constitute a much less onerous I ment
luge where from time to time we can
handicap to the reader’s perspicacity. Observe for in-1 hear the booming o f the guns on the
stance, interjectional, monosyllabic utterances, especially battle front, keeping the boys always
reminded o f the direction In which
when motivated under strenuous emotional circum they
are headed, writes a correspond
stances. How much more appealing is their euphonious ent o f the New York Times. There
pulchritude than the preposterous and pretentious pom are few French folk In the place
they moved to where It is safer. And
posity of elongated verbiage.
so the Americans are pretty much in
JELLY, JUICES AND JAM
ONE T H IN G A W O M AN N E V E R A PO LO G IZE S FOR
Wbeu it woman lias company she will apologize for
everything about the table except the man she picked out
to sit at the head.
— x—
A S E T IM E N T A L SON
(Awgwan.)
The prisoner earnestly requested that he be placed in
cell 118 as it was the one that father used to have.
— x—
HOW TO P LE A S E A H E N
(Idaho Statesman.)
To please a hen give her a chance to run across the road
i n front of a fast car.
BLESS H E R ! S H E ’S S A V IN G A L L SHE C AN
Mrs. Tugg Watts has put her piece of smoked glass
away for the total eclipse of 1991.
C H A R L E Y ’S A T TH E FR O N T
The discomfort of a hammock becomes apparent when
She has to sit in it alone.
— x—
B I L L ’S R H E U M A T IS M IS B O TH E RIN G A G A IN
(Osborne Farmer.)
The order of the government to work or fight has caus
ed old Bill Shiftless to have a terrible rheumatism attack
and other ills. Old Bill says the world will never know
how he suffered of late years from bad health. Old B ill’s
health always gets had when a job of work is headed in
his direction.
— x—
W H A T EVE H AND ED TO P O S T E R IT Y
(Burlington Republican.)
When Eve was invited to a party, she discovered she
had nothing to wear and it’s been the same with the
women since.
— x—
M A Y AS W E L L SHOOT HIM
An Eastern bride and groom have been arrested for tak
ing pictures of Fort Hamilton, and we have very title use
for a bridegroom who would want to photograph a fort
on his honeymoon.
— x—
S T IL L SOME W A V S TO TH E TO P
The climax of perfection will never he reached until
some one makes bread out of dandelions.
ROYAL POWDER
In many recipes the num ber of eggs may be reduced
with excellent results by using an additional quantity
of Royal Baking P ow der, about a teaspoon, for each egg
omitted. The following recipe is a practical example:
Chocolate Sponge Roll
|4n
I aquara. naaltad chocolate
tablaapoon. malt ad abortantes
t tab
H c cup
u hot w atar
aaapoon vanilla
1 taa
ttaaapoona Rural Bakins
Paw dar
Tke aid m li a i eailed far 4
DIRECTIONS— Sift flour, baking powder and aalt together thra#
times. Beat whole eggs. Add «lowly augar, than boiling watar
•lowly;add nast vanilla, malted chocolate and malted ahortening,
without beating. Sift In dry ingredients, and fold in aa lightly as
possible. Pour Into larga baking pan lined with oiled paper, and
bake in alow ovan twenty minutes. Whan dona, turn out on a
damp, hot cloth, apraad with white Icing and rolL
Booklet of re c ip e , which econom lie In asga and other
«■ p e n s iv e In g r e d ie n t, mailed free.
Addreaa R O Y A L B A K IN G P O W D E R CO.
control o f the town, and incidentally
there are about ten times us many
American soldiers here us there ever
were civilian Frenchmen and French
women. They are quartered In every
available house, and In some that
would not he available were It not that
they had to be.
In one that falls In the latter cate
gory I am living.
Myself, this type
writer, and some blankets are the only
furniture it has.
T o get out o f my
room I have to go through the room
o f the provost marshal. His room is
better than mine; It has a bed.
He
didn’t know it was a bed until the
owner o f the house put In a charge for
billets. Under the army plan, a room
with a bed In It costs one franc a day,
but If there Is no bed the charge Is
only 30 centimes. And so the provost
marshal knows he has a bed to sleep
on and not a box.
It says so in the
official records o f the w ar department
o f the United States.
W e were In
specting the room o f .the provost mar
shal the other day and noticed a part
o f the wall at one end was corrugated
steel. W e pushed It up, and lo, there
was a fireplace. W e Immediately call
ed the owner o f the house and
demanded a fire. It was very diffi
cult, he said, because he had no wood,
and never used fire except for cook
ing.
it.”
The corporal departed and as he
went out of the door a private entered
in a bedraggled state. He explained
that he hail got lost the night before
and when he located himself he had
lost a hundred francs and that the seat
of his trousers had been cut out. H e
didn’t remember just what time it was
done. Noticing his Insignia, the lieu
tenant said sharply “Go back to your
i own regiment. Stny home and stay
sober and you can keep your money,”
and turning to me he said, “that was
good dope for me In New Y o rk ; It
ID W illia m St., N ew York
V
It only Takes a Minute
to send him a pouch of
Real GRAVELY Chewing Plug
Just drop into any wide awake dealer around
here, give him 10 cents for the pouch of Real
Gravely, complete in the special envelope ready for
mailing.
Address it according to the official directions he
will give you. Put on a 3 cent stamp—and Uncle
Sam’s Mails will see that he gets it.
ought to work here.”
Here the M. P. corporal returned.
“ I came to report to the lieutenant,”
he said, “ that I asked Private -----
where he got his cigar, and he said It
was given him by a friend und he can’t
Real Gravely is the tobacco to send. Not ordinary plug
remember who.”
loaded up with sweetening, but condensed quality. It’s worth
“ All right,” said the provost marshal;
sending a long way, and when he receives it he’s got something.
“ stick on the ease and you might
Give any man a chew of Real Gravely Plug, and he will tell
you th a t’« the kind to send. Send the best!
watch out for any baseball games.”
Ordinary plug is false economy, it costs less per week to
Then came In the large French wom
chew Real Gravely, because a small chew of it lasts a long
an to say that she had five witnesses
while.
who saw an American take her bottle
SEND YOU! FRIEND IN THE U. S. SERVICE A POUCH OF GRAVELY
o f wine. The lieutenant thanked her.
Even “over there” a 3c. stamp will put it into his hands.
Then the Y. M. C: A. man entered and
said he didn’t want any one punished
fo r taking the cigars and baseball, and
The Patent Poach keeps it Frtrh and Clean and Good
that he was glad they had not taken
—It it ant Real Gravely without this Protection Seal
more. H e had had hts breakfast.
Establish ad 1831
A moment later an M. P. sergeant
entered to say that he had arrested a
private on suspicion o f having taken
the bottle o f wine, and that he had
Star Beams
been identified by the large French
The End of a Perfect B ray
woman’s five witnesses as the culprit.
On the other hand, the sergeant added,
(Kansas City Star.)
(By James J. Montague.)
the private had five other privates who
When the time* comes that we
By operating on a mule scientists
would sweur five different sorts o f
wear paper clothing it probably will have succeeded in making him
alibis for him.
take nine paperhangers to make a voiceless.—News Item.
Six Eggs Missing.
“ Lock him up and w e’ll see about man of some of us
it,” said the lieutenant, and he finish
JIow often as the dusk drew near
ed shaving in time to receive a French
Chicken can be cooked in twenty
And vagrant breezes stirred the
shopkeeper, who reported that six eggs, different ways. But there is only
pool,
fo r which he had been charging the one way to eat tlie wing of a chicken
W
e’ve
paused beside the path to
Americans 11 cents each, had disap
and society frowns on that.
hear
peared, and that since he, Monsieur
Tit evening carol of the mule.
Derntel, and his father before him, had
Mr. Hoover’s request to use beef A simple and unstudied strain,
kept shop In that very place fo r gen
erations and had never before missed substitutes causes the people to rise
As from a heart that overflowed,
so much as six eggs. It must be the heartily in response and the substi It rose and fell and rose again,
Americans who took them.
tutes to rise heartily in price.
And died in echoes down the road.
The lieutenant thanked him. By
this time there was another caller who
It is estimated that since April 6, It lacked the robin's silver trill,
had an empty cartridge that had once 1917, 483,000 poems have been writ
The melody was often bad,
been In the belt o f an American sol
ten bearing the line “sadder and The nuances, ill-spaced, but still,
dier. She had found It In front o f her
It was the only song he had.
house and was sure it was not right wiser” to rhyme with “kaiser.”
It had a certain zip and zest,
fo r It to be there. The lieutenant
Then again, nine times out of ten
thanked her. He was about to start
A quality that seemed to soar—
to a belated breakfast when a French a statesman is,only a politician who The artless singer did his best,
farm er came In to say excitedly that has died.—Houston Post.
And nightingales coulcj do no
some Americans were “ mixing It up”
We see. Like “a loving husband
more.
with several German prisoners o f war and a good father."
who were being worked on a road a
But science with its ruthless knife,
short distance away.
Women are falling into masculine
These vibrant chords have learned
“ Well, that damage, Ht least, won’t
to sever,
matter,” said the lieutenant; “ I’m go professions quite naturally as the
war progresses.
Women clowns That song that spoke the joy of life
ing to breakfast.” And he did.
It Is not to be supposed from these have already appeared at Luna
In zigzag bars is still forever.
Incidents o f an hour or two o f the life Park, Coney Island, and the experi A kindly and impulsive brute
o f a provost marshal that the Ameri ment as to whether a woman can
In silence must pursue his ways,
cans are an unruly lot. Far from It; be funny at the same time she wants
The song upon his lips is mute,
they are the best behaved o f fighting to be will L>e watched with interest.
And all his days are brayless days.
men. These incidents represented per
haps the twelve hours’ devilment o f
Japanasa Pencil Industry.
Now, science may be right, of
some 2.500 iden, most o f them under
In 1811 Japan imported 60,000,000
course,
twenty-seven years old, and their es
pencils, most o f which came from
capades were no more than the reac
Perhaps
the mule is no musician,
America and Germany. But with the
tion from the heavy strain o f very ac
opening o f the European conflict Ger And merely brayed till he was
tive maneuvers. When the bugle call
lioarse
man sources o f supply were cut off,
tells them at 9 :30 o’clock at night to
To gratify a false ambition.
and native manufacturers, who had
get off the streets, he who refuses to
been producing only In comparatively Perhaps the Muses passed him liy,
obey Is the rarest exception, and gen
small quantities, seized their oppor
Caruso’s genius may linve missed
erally a new man in the army.
tunity and made the most o f It. The
iiim;
And here comes the provost marshal
result was that In 1916 the Japanese
And yet it's sad that he must die
from breakfast. He is followed by two
manufacturers were able to supply the
French civilians with some tale o f woe,
With all that music in his system.
demand and to furnish 168,000,000
but be is whistling, is the chief o f the
pencils fo r export.
provost guard, and I have heard the
Microbes Everywhere
same tune used for a certain verse
In
Shelter.
from Gilbert and Sullivan when De
(Cooper.)
“ What has become o f the dove of
W o lf Hopper tried to sing the “ Pirates
peace?”
Microbes in the snowdrift,
of Penzance.
“ Sha’a safe, but not visible. The
Melting in the street;
American eagla has taken her under
Microbes in the clothing
B U R IE D B A R R E L O F P O R K
hlg wing.”
Threat to Burn Bed.
When we convinced him that unless
we got wood quickly the provost mar
shal’s bed was going to be sacrificed
he changed his mind about the diffi
culty und said that perhaps fo r five
francs It might be that someone had
some wood to sell.
H e got the five
francs and two hours later reappeared
with three bundles o f fagots, explain
ing his delay by saying that on the
way he had stopped to milk three
cows.
W e got the fire started and
quickly saw thnt at the rate the fagots
burned we were soon going to be cold
again.
W e explained to the man o f
the house that we must have hlg pieces
o f wood.
He r .died that Only the
cure had such wood, and that It was
Impossible to buy wood from the cure,
and besides It was Sunday. The pro
vost marshal gave him ten francs and
told him to bring the wood. And he
did.
I was sorry I didn’t go along to
see how he got the wood from the cure
on Sunday, hut the main point was
that he got It. The provost marshal
has dominion only over the misbe
havior o f Americans, and so It was
none o f our affair how the man got
the wood.
But when It comes to Americans
this provost marshal Is a very differ
ent man. He is a young first lieuten Found In Good Condition A fte r Be*
ing Hidden F iv e Years.
ant, and his home Is In New York
A barrel o f fresh pork, government
city.
He has told me thnt after the
war he Is going to get out o f the army. Inspected, waa unearthed on the farm
H e hasn't said what he Is going to o f former County Commissioner Henry
do, but I think he is training to be a Bergman In Rice township, near Fre
rival o f one William J. Burns. He has mont, O., by Mr. Bergman, as he waa
to do some very nice detective work. plowing In the field. The pork was
The American - soldiers behave gen found to be In good condition.
It Is believed the barrel containing
erally like a lot o f college hoys in
their moments o f relaxation, hut It Is the pork has been buried In the ground
It
not to be supposed thnt they don’t since the flood o f March, 1913.
break loose a bit at times. And be was discovered in a low spot, along the
cause they do the provost mnrshnl has Sandusky river, and covered with sev
bis hands full, and sometimes the lock eral feet o f dirt. The bnrrel contained
up.
As college boys do, the soldiers 500 pounds.
make It as difficult as possible fo r the
provost guard to obtain material for
Empyema Cure Found.
conviction of violators o f army rules.
Medicine has found a cure for
It was eight o’clock in the morn empyema cases, or pulmonary troubles
ing. The provost marshal was sleep which usually are an aftermath of
ing soundly, having got to bed at one pneumonia. The Carrel-Deakin meth
o'clock after bis last round o f the vil od, which has been found so success
lage »treets, which he found de ful in the treatment o f wounds. Is the
serted o f the regiment’s "comedians," new cure. It has been tried out among
as the trouble makers are called. There National army soldiers at Camp Meade,
was a loud rapping at his door Md., and cures have been effected In
and the “ Y " man entered to say that a few days in cases deemed almost
early In the morning the Y. M. C. A. hopeless nnder o'd methods o f treat-
but had been entered and one box o f | mout.
cigars and one baseball taken, and
I
that the damage was 35 franca.
He
Q uick Sentence fo r F r it * .
asked that It would not happen again.
“ T o hell with Uncle Sam. H e never
The lieutenant thanked him fo r the
did anything for me, and I am fo r the
Information and sent for a corporal o f
kaiser, an yw ay!" Fred Esser. a Ger
the military police, and put him on
man o f Sedulla. Mo.. Is alleged to have
the case.
said. Fifteen minutes later Fred be
Stolen Bottla of Wins.
gan serving a 16-months’ sentence in
Tan minutes later a largo French the county Jail for hi* unpatriotic re-
woman cr.xs with the Information that | marks. Ha la married and has a fun-
• bottle of Yin ordinaire had dlaap- Uy,
feared from her shop and (hat t a a 1
Fewer Eggs are
required with
m c a p * Roar
a spoon aalt
H taasi
I cap aasar
— peoted the Americans. The lieu-
tenant thanked her and got up and
started shaving.
In a very few minutes the M. P.
corporal come in and reported that he
had found Private ----- o f —— bat
talion In the company barber shop
smoking a cigar that had a band like
those taken from the Y. M. C. A.
“ Good,” says the provost marshal.
“ Go back and ask him where he got
P. B. GRAVELY TOBACCO COMPANY, DaovUle, Va.
4 p
Footnotes.
The Sportsman — “ What are those
peda’s under the organ used for?”
Ths Bookworm— “ Those are for foot
notes."— London Answers.
A t the A r t E x h ibition .
“ Look at these statues, Jane. How
do you suppose they got so broken up?”
“ Maybe they were stored at the same
place our furniture was.”
There are over six hundred empty
houses in Eugene, Too many people
moved to Portland
Of strangers that you meet;
Microbes in the street car
Hiding in each nook—
Microbes in your money
And microbes in your book.
!
Microbes in the hydrant,
j
Microbes in the well;
Perhaps you can avoid them
But it's mighty hard to tell;
Let us all he joyful,
There's no excuse to fret;
W e must confess we’re lucky
That they haven't caught us yet.
Buy W ar Saving Stamps.
The Independence National Bank
Established .1889
A Successful Business Career of
Twenty-Five Years
INTEREST PAID ON TIME
___
DEPOSITS
Officers and Directors
H. Hirschberg, Pres.
D. W. Sears, V. P.
W. S. Kurre, Cashier
W. H. Walker
I. A. Allen
0. D. Butler