THE MEDPORD DAILY TRIBUNE, MEDFORD. OREGON. FRIDAY. SEPTEMBER 10, 1000.
Y Kty Undar th Door.
"It l customary for the back door
key to be put liKlfwny under tlie door
so that I ct i. ivai-li It w lien coiuIuk
off duty laic at night," remarked an
urtiHi to n Loudon Tll-liila writer.
"The other morning nt breakfast uiy
landlady said to nu. -Io yon know. I
had an aw ful frljslit last nit:ht. I put
tUe key halfway under the door, as
usual, wheu, to my horror. 1 saw It
drawn slowly out of sijtlit. I of course
thought some one luul got the key and
would unlock the door and oome In,
so I quh'kly boiled It and shouted
through the keyhole, "My word. If you
don't brlus that key backP Not daring
to retire to rest, I sat quietly listening
for a time. Then I got a table kuife
and pushed it under the door to see if
the key had really been taken right
away and to my surprise drew the key
bark again. So, very cautiously. I un
locked and unbolted the door, looked
out and found not a burglar, but our
owu wicked cat, who. while sittiug on
the doorstep and seeing the key pushed
under the door, must have drawn the
key out of sight with her paws, think
ing I was playing with her.' "
An American Joke From England.
The typical American, says a Con
tributor to the English Illustrated
Magazine, although partial to iimkiu.;
Jokes, Is often quick tempered and un
able to recognize a Joke made liy an
other, with results that are sometimes
unpleasant.
Thus, a senator was onee at a fash
ionable dinner party at Washington
when he was asked wbnt fish he would
take.
"Waal," he said, "I reckon I'll take
plaice."
A wit who chanced to be present re
marked, with a twinkle in his eye.
"Ah, senator, still a place seeker?"
"Yaas," answered the senator, at the
same time whipping out a revolver
and shooting the wit dead, "but what's
that to you, you dern'd stranger?"
Afterward, when the joke was ex
plained to him, the senator confessed
that he had acted rather hastily, and
to show that he bore no grudge he
went to the funeral of the lnopiortune
wit.
A Queen Elizabeth Joke.
Queen Elisabeth liked her jokes, and.
although her-pleasuntries were of a
less sanguinary turu than her father's,
she must have been even more for
midable than usual when disposed to
be frolicsome. A tale may be found
In one of Lord Essex's letters with
regard to a new dress belonging to oue
of her mnlds of honor, over the pos
session of which the owner had been
rash enough to exhibit some elation.
The young lady. It seems, was several
Inches taller than her majesty, hardly
perhaps quite n nice or loyal thing to
be. Having desired -, that the dress
should be made over to her custody,
the queen, first carefully selecting an
extremely wet day, was pleased to put
It on and trail It for yards behind her
In the mud, the owner of the hu
miliated garment having to appear as
delighted with the royal fan and con
descension as the rest- of the lookers
on. London Tatlcr.
And All With Company There.
"Now,- children." said the mother as
a whole roomful of company had come
in, "suppose you run off and play by
yourselves."
"All right, mollier," replied Edith.
"Can we go up and play Hamlet and
Ophelia?"
"Certainly." smiled the mother, while
her guests looked on at the tableau.
"Goody.", replied Edith. Then, turn
ing to her sister, she said,- "Now,
Maude, you run up to mamma's room
and get all her false hair that you can
find." Ladies' Home Journal.
Woodchopping a a Sport.
lu Tasmania is (o he found a national
pastime that Is special and particular
to that'Klato alone the sport of wood
chopping. It says much for the grit
and vigor of Tasmanlans that this
really serious and arduous work should
be regarded as the finest sKrt. Ar
Hobart and I.aunceston they have
their turf meetings, their cricket, foot
bail, goir. cycling, and so forth, but to
a woodchopping contest people will
flock from far and near men, women
and children-ami watch the ax wleld
ers hewing away at huge blocks of
timber as If life and reputation de
pended upon the Issue. Thud, thud,
thud, go the axes, and the splinters fly
in all directions, the judges calmly sit
ting near, taking notes of the strokes,
the spectators cheering the compet
itors from time to time as frantically
as If they were raco horses. To bo n
woodchopping champion means some
thing to a man In Tasmania. Dundee
Advertiser.
Look Prosperous or Pay In Advance.
"While there Is a good deal of the
American spirit prevailing In Sydney
and Melbourne, they do things there In
a peculiar way.'.' said a traveling man.
"It is hard to get used to them.
"They have excellent restaurants
there, lut they ruu on a peculiar plan.
A man goes in and sits down nt a table,
and a wuiter. generally a woman.
hands him the bill of fare. Ue makes
out his order on a slip, and before he
Is waited on the waiter goes to the
cashier and has a little private talk
with him. The cashier looks over at
the customer, and if he appears to be
good for the bill he is served; other
wise he Is asked to pay In advance.
The meals are good and cheap. The
same careful scrutiny Is made when a
fellow registers at c hotel. Good looks
will go further than any amount of
baggage'-MSmaha Bee.
Clear Waste.
"He has a quick temper, you know,"
was the excuse given by a friend, for
a boy's rude act.
"Is he quick at his lessons?" was the
question. .
"No," was the reply.
"Is lie quick at sports?" the ques
tioner went on.
Again the answer was "No."
"Is he quick in obedience ?'
"No." '
"Well." said the questioner, with a
twinkle in his eye. "if he has so little
quickness he'd better use It where It
will do him some good. It's clear
waste to put It on his temper."
The Town of Bushire.
Itesidents of n miserable seaport on
the Persian gulf called their town Bu
shire (Boosheer).. It has narrow, dirty,
111 paved streets. The city is visited
by earthquakes aud simooms and stints
its children of wholesome air and fresh
water. It appears, however, to have
enjoyed high repute among the ancient
Elnmites, who have left buried about
under molderlug heaps bricks with
cuneiform inscriptions. In summer the
citizeus of Bushire live In a heat that
is almost unbearable.
Her Sorrow.
"P-papa." sobbed small Sadie, "m-my
canary is d-dendl"
"Never mind, dear." replied her
father: "I'll buy you another one."
"Oh. I'm cairn now," rejoined Sadie,
"but when I first saw the poor little
thing I cried like a child." Exchange."
Love.
Properly there Is only one verb for
love. It is not "amo." It Is not
"aimer." It is uot the softest Italian
verb. . No printed language of man
knows it. But the violin knows it,
aud the wild bird knows it: even the
sea knows it. The rose Is it. and Hie
moon 'is it, and the look of a man's
eyes into a woman's is It. and the look
of a woman's eyes back again is it.
But no man or woman can say it In
any luuguage that endures. "Love Let
ters of the King."
After the Race.
"So your horse was distanced, was
Ue?"
"l'es."
"Did you have anything on him?"
"I thought I had a Jockey on him,
but it seems I didn't."
Times to Laugh.
A. Is the old man always so glum
as this? B. By no means. He laughs
twice a year, spring and fall, when
the new women's hats come In. Flle
geudc Blatter.
Strictly Business.
Theorist Von believe In giving cred
it to whom credit Is due, don't you?.
Practical Man l'-yes, but I make ev
erybody else pay cash. Chicago Trib
une. ; - . v
- - V1-.
lillliiili
i
Nod
For Whom are You Sowing
If you pay house rent for the landlord. If you are paying for
your home for yourself and family.
Let us help you reap the reward of the money you have
been paying for rent, by building you a home and allowing
you to pay for it in easy monthly payments and low rate of
Interest.
We will furnish mono.y to build Churches. .Parsonages,
homes or business houses, or pay off debts on real estate.
Moneys can be returned any time, thereby stopping Interest,
or we give you nine years to return any loan, either large or
small.. We also allow you 3 percent interest on all advance
payments.. We give you three months grace on all notes
without a fine. We can arrange with farmers for annual pay
ments.. If these terms suit you, call and see us at the Real
Estate Office of
WHITE & TROWBRIDGE, MEDFORD
Daniel S. Walker, Home Office, IJoseburg
Boarding and Day School
For Girls and Young Ladies
DEPARTMENTS PKKPAKATORY, GUAMMAH. HIGH SCHOOL,
COMMERCIAL.
MUSIC IXCLUD1XG PIAXO, VIOLIN". GUITAR. MANDOLIN',
ZITHER, 1UNJO, 'CELLO. t
ART INCLUDING PEN AND I NIC, CHARCOAL, PASTEL, WATER
COLORS. OIL, PORCELAIN. ..
SEND FOR CATALOGUE.
ST. MARY'S ACADEMY, Medford, Oregop.
Trie Best Meal
. In Medford is to be.had
At The Star Restaurant "
All white help. Home cooking. Room
and board $5.00 a week. Give us a
trial and be convinced.
MRS. W. ErGQODE Prop. 322 E7th St.
RESOLVED
The best resolution for you
to make is to come to us for
your next suit, if you want
something out of the ordinary.
Wo do the best work and charge
the lowest prices.
W. W. EIFERT
THE PBOORfcSSTVB TATLOK
Why Not Be
Comfortable ?
and do away with that hot, stuffy
atmosphere in your store, office or
home.
Invest in a G. E. Fan
and get the best something that will last a lifetime with proper
care. Cost of operation only 12c to Ic per hour.
12-inch size $15.00; 16-inch siz $20.00; 4 Bid. Ceiling $36.00.
ROGUE RIVER ELECTRIC CO.
Successors to Condor Water & Power Co.
"For you particular customers who demand the
best groceries, wc recommend Folgcrs Golden Gate
Coffee."
It is so good we cannot obtain a belter coffee not If we paid
SI a pound for it.
Iiverythinn about Folder's Golden Gate Coffee is perfect, and
e sell it with the positive guarantee that it will please you.
Allen & Reagan
GROCERIES, CHINA WARE, FRUIT AND FEED.
TO SURVEYORS AND OTHERS.
I hnve complete field notes of ull donation lstnd claims and a I n r-u
portion of the government surveys in Jaekson county. These nolo
may he copied in my office for 50o a claim or section. Complete maps
of Medford, Talent, Central Point, Tolo, Gold Hill, Eagle Point,
Woodville mid Ilulle Falls. Surveys, maps, blue prints and des
criptions of lots and tracts made.
J. S. HOWARD. C. E.
Rooms 7-8, Adkins Bldg. Medford, Or.
Rest - Romp - Recuperate
At the Seashore
Newport
Is a delightful resort and a happy combination
of pleasure ground possibilities. An ideal climat",
diversion of recreation perfect bathing boating
fishing riding driving, and exploring, make New
port a most charmng and popular play ground.
Southern Pacific
Has a
SPECIAL SUMMER EXCURSION RATH TO
NEWPORT OF
$10.00 from Medford
Ask for our booklet "Outings in Oregon."
A. S. ROSENBAUM, Agent, Medford.
WM. McMURRAY,
General Passenger Agent,
Portland, Ore.
State Depositary
Etabiibod 1888. .
Capital and Surplm $125,000
Hetoarroa $700,000
HIGHEST ATTAINMENT IN
SYSTEMATIC BANKING SERVICE
The Jackson County Dank respect
fully solicits your account, subject
to your chock, with the strongest
gunrantoe of safety and efficiency.
We offer the highest attainment in
systematic banking service, which
assures tho greatest care in every
finaneinl transaction, with this oMig
ing institution.
W. I. VAWTKR, President.
G. R. LINP.LEY, Cnslnor.
WANTED
Timber and Coal Lands
ENGINEERING AND SURVEYING CON
TRACTS TAKEN AND ESTIMATES
FURNISHED. '
B. H. Harris & Co.
MEDFORD, OREGON
Office in Jackson County Bank Upstairs
x yttrs, Krme "Hampton 3aacs
"Jitstuctor of "Plane, Tl$t 5llfttl)o6
Sluilo at 3Utl6nc. Morlb Oranat Strull