8B — THE OBSERVER & BAKER CITY HERALD THURSDAY, APRIL 9, 2020 COFFEE BREAK Mom feels she is caught in the middle between dad, adult children DEAR ABBY: My husband wants me to stop speaking to our adult children. He says they have both offended him, and he wants an apology from them. My daughter didn’t help him when he was out of the home for a few months and had nowhere to go. At the time, she was living in her boyfriend’s grand- parents’ home. She had asked them if it was OK, but they said no. My husband was hurt by this and wants her to apologize for “treating him this way.” They no longer speak to each other and exchanged hurtful texts until my daughter blocked him. My son, who just turned 18, is in college. He came home for a break and asked if he could stay with his girlfriend. I said yes. When my husband found out, he ordered our son to come home. My son pulled the “I’m 18; you can’t tell me what to do.” He then said our family crisis was causing his girlfriend to have anxiety and depression. This upset my hus- band because he felt he was being blamed for her issues and disre- spected when my son refused to come home. My husband feels I should stop speaking to him, too, to support him. I cannot bring myself to do this. My husband says our mar- riage is over if I can’t support him. What would you do? — IN A FAMILY MESS DEAR “MESS”: DEAR Your husband is a ABBY handful. With his authoritarian atti- tude, he cannot seem to stop him- self from alienating family mem- bers. He is acting like a bullying child. Right now, he is two for two and counting. I do not think you should stop talking to your daughter for things beyond her control or for telling the truth. If you have any power at all in your marital relationship, please insist that all of you get family counseling from a licensed professional. Your husband needs to learn to communicate more effectively with his son. If your husband refuses to participate, and he may, then you have some important decisions about your future that I cannot make for you. DEAR ABBY: My younger sister died two years ago. She was only 43. She left behind her hus- band of 19 years, three children, my parents and myself (along with many other family members and friends). Her choice was to be cre- mated. As a family, we discussed my brother-in-law’s plans for the ashes. He discussed various options and we, of course, shared our desires and wishes. Her ashes remained in the cardboard box from the funeral home on a shelf in their living room until my brother-in-law moved into a new place a year later. My mother fi nally confronted him. She said it was disrespectful not to have fi nalized a resting place for her daughter. She said she knew the ashes belong to him because he’s the husband. His response was he was sorry she felt that way. Now we don’t know what he’s done with them. He became engaged 15 months after my sister’s death and has been living with his fi ancee. This seems so wrong to me and so dismissive of my sister and my family. What can we do? We want a fi nal resting place for her. We think his actions show he obvi- ously doesn’t care. — DISILLUSIONED AND HEARTBROKEN DEAR D&H: That’s not nec- essarily true. Your former broth- er-in-law may care so much about his late wife that he cannot let the ashes go. I hope you will main- tain contact with him because it’s a way to keep track of those ashes. As his wedding date grows near, he may soften his stance and allow them to be divided, perhaps with some prodding from his new wife, which may be the solution that’s best for everyone concerned. DEAR ABBY: How would you suggest I deal with people who continually want to sabotage my diet? I worked very hard to drop more than 30 pounds. I also have digestive health issues that are no one’s business. An example: During the coffee break at a meeting at work, someone offered me lovely home- made baked goods. I said, “No, thank you.” I then got a snide remark about being ungrateful for all the “effort that went into them” and was urged to “ just try a little bit to be sociable.” Another time someone plunked a huge chunk of frosting-laden something in front of me. Or, a friend brings me a large quan- tity of candy or wine or strange “gourmet” stuff I can’t eat, all of which wind up in the trash even after I have asked them to please don’t. When I visit my mother, she continues to pile stuff on my plate even after I repeatedly say, “No more, thank you.” Then I get a lecture about wasting food. What do I need to be doing or saying differently? — SABOTAGED IN CONNECTICUT DEAR SABOTAGED: Take your easily offended co-workers aside and tell them that you cannot eat their tempting pastries because your doctor has told you you mustn’t. I am sure it is the truth, and you should not feel guilty. As to your mother, the next time she accuses you of wasting food, I don’t think you would be out of line to tell her that she, not you, is the one wasting food by piling more than you can eat on your plate. Tiger at NYC’s Bronx Zoo tests positive for coronavirus By Jennifer Peltz Associated Press NEW YORK — A tiger at the Bronx Zoo has tested positive for the new coronavirus, in what is believed to be the fi rst known infection in an animal in the U.S. or a tiger anywhere, federal offi - cials and the zoo said Sunday. The 4-year-old Malayan tiger named Nadia — and six other tigers and lions that have also fallen ill — are thought to have been infected by a zoo employee who wasn’t showing symp- toms, the zoo said. The fi rst animal started showing symp- toms March 27. All are doing well and expected to recover, said the zoo, which has been closed since March 16 amid the coronavirus outbreak in New York. The test result stunned zoo offi cials, but director Jim Breheny said he hopes the fi nding can con- tribute to the global fi ght against the virus that causes COVID-19. “Any kind of knowledge that we get on how it’s transmitted, how different species react to it, that knowledge somehow is going to provide a greater base resource for people,” he said. The fi nding raises new ques- tions about transmission of the virus in animals. The U.S. Department of Agriculture, which confi rmed Nadia’s test result at its veterinary lab, said there are no known cases of the virus in U.S. pets or livestock. “There doesn’t appear to be, at this time, any evidence that suggests that the animals can spread the virus to people or that they can be a source of the infection in the United States,” Dr. Jane Rooney, a veterinarian and a USDA offi cial, said in an interview. ed ne ORE M Show Listings, rds, o w s s o r C , u Sudok ts r o p S , h c r a Word Se ...? e r o M & s e Quizz The USDA said Sunday it’s not recommending routine corona- virus testing of animals, in zoos or elsewhere, or of zoo employees. Still, Rooney said a small number of animals in the U.S. have been tested through the USDA’s National Veterinary Services Lab- oratories, and all those tests came back negative except Nadia’s. The coronavirus outbreaks around the world are driven by person-to-person transmission, experts say. There have been a handful of reports outside the U.S. of pet dogs or cats becoming infected after close contact with conta- gious people, including a Hong Kong dog that tested positive for a low level of the pathogen in February and early March. Hong Kong agriculture authorities con- cluded that pet dogs and cats couldn’t pass the virus to human beings but could test positive if exposed by their owners. Some researchers have been trying to understand the suscep- tibility of different animal spe- cies to the virus, and to determine how it spreads among animals, according to the Paris-based World Organization for Animal Health. The American Veterinary Medical Association and the fed- eral Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have been recom- mending that out of an abundance of caution, people ill with the coronavirus should limit contact with animals — advice that the veterinary group reiterated after learning of the tiger’s test result. In general, the CDC also advises people to wash their hands after handling animals and do other things to keep pets and their homes clean. Check out our new TV Magazine Julie Larsen Maher/The Bronx Zoo/WCS Nadia, a 4-year-old female Ma- layan tiger at the Bronx Zoo, New York City, has tested positive for COVID-19. She is expected to re- cover. Y R E V E Y A D R SATU BLACK E LOGO REVERS LOGO R - COLO G N CHAN BAR CA