COFFEE BREAK 8B — THE OBSERVER & BAKER CITY HERALD FRIDAY, AUGUST 23, 2019 Mother-in-law’s Alzheimer’s keeps couple tied to home DEAR ABBY: I have been moved in with you and your married 35 years. During the husband until his death, last six years, my mom died, yes, I think your attitude is my dad moved in and then he selfi sh. That said, Alzheimer’s passed away at 91. Dad trav- patients need constant super- eled, including to see my three vision, and it is possible that siblings, and had a girlfriend. in the right kind of assisted Three years ago, my mother- living situation, your mother- in-law, who is in the begin- in-law could be doing better ning stages of than she is. Alzheimer’s, Social stimula- DEAR moved in. My tion is impor- husband is tant, and the ABBY an only child activities that and has no are provided other family nearby. A couple could be good for her. The of years ago, our sons, both of Alzheimer’s Association is a whom are in their 30s and trusted source of information, had been in the Air Force, and you and your husband moved in. They have steady should be getting help from it. jobs and contribute to the Find it online at alz.org. The household. One just bought a toll-free phone number is 800- house. 272-3900. My problem is with my husband. Because his mother DEAR ABBY: My daughter can’t be left alone, we rarely go is marrying someone of a dif- anywhere anymore. And even ferent faith. She doesn’t want when we are out, he’s glued to to invite my husband’s fi rst his phone. They don’t have a cousin and her spouse to her strong relationship and rarely wedding. The spouse is openly speak to each other. When I try racist, anti-Semitic and homo- to talk to him about it, his an- phobic, and the cousin doesn’t swer is, “I promised I’d never contradict him. put her in a nursing home,” My daughter is inviting and, “Honor thy mother and people of different faiths, father.” ethnicities and sexual orienta- We have been to counseling. tions. She does not want to It didn’t help. We are in our share her wedding day with mid-60s and in good shape. I someone who is fi lled with would like to travel before we hate for her other guests and won’t be able to anymore. His for her fi ance. Although we mother is almost 90 and has don’t socialize with this cousin no other health problems, so and her spouse, my husband she could live fi ve or six more believes “family is family” and years. I feel he should put her they should be invited. What is in assisted living so we can get your opinion? on with our lives again. I’m — ON MY tired of taking care of others, DAUGHTER’S SIDE and I want to “retire,” too. Am DEAR O.M.D.S.: I disagree I selfi sh for feeling this way? with your husband. Because How do others deal with this? someone is a relative does not — HOW MUCH LONGER? require the individual to be DEAR HOW: I have mixed invited to every family func- feelings about your letter. tion, particularly when your Considering that your father branch of the family doesn’t socialize with them otherwise. However, if your husband still insists they receive an invitation, he should follow up the invitation with a phone call detailing what will be expected of guests regarding civility and decorum. she’s willing to go anywhere and do almost anything, but I’m increasingly resentful that my wife acts more like a daughter than a partner. I have been trying desperately for years to accept this, but I’m sick of it. — TIRED OF IT IN OHIO DEAR TIRED: Your wife appears to be a follower rather than a leader. You should have raised this issue a long time ago and included her when you were planning outings. Because the status quo is no longer working for you, you must tell her exactly what you have put in your letter. And while you are at it, show her HOW to do the research so she can suggest things to do, and things may improve. But do not blame her entirely because some of it may rest with you. DEAR ABBY: My wife of 36 years has never introduced me to a restaurant, bought concert tickets or planned a vacation. She seldom suggests movies she wants to see or introduces me to any form of music. She claps her hands like a little girl when I say we are going out for ice cream, a walk or to a festival. I have encouraged her repeatedly over the years to be a more active participant in our relationship and to be my partner. Nothing changes. If not for my encouragement, she would have never gotten her degree, gone to concerts or on vacations or experienced life. I plan everything. To her credit, should go to next year. I think it should be our son’s decision to choose the college with the degree program he wants. My husband disagrees. He wants our son to leave the nest, explore the world and become more independent. My hus- band says Wyatt is a “mama’s boy” and too reliant on me. Wyatt wants to go to our local university, which offers the degree program he wants. He said: “I can go to the local school. You and Dad won’t have to pay room and board or out-of-state tuition, and I can keep my job and help pay for groceries or help with tuition.” For some reason, that state- ment means nothing to my husband. He wants Wyatt out of the house. Should I let my husband duke it out with our son because I have already stated my opinion more than once, or keep arguing that Wyatt should pick the college? This whole thing is stressing our son out because he wants DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are arguing about what college our son, “Wyatt,” Summer Clean Out! What you should know about the disposal of household hazardous waste. What is household hazardous waste? HHW is anything labeled toxic, flammable, corrosive, reactive or explosive. These materials can threaten family health and the safety of pets and wildlife. What are some examples of hazardous waste? Aerosols, Bleach, Drain Cleaners, Metal Polish, Mothballs, Oven Cleaners, Toilet Bowl Cleaners, Ammonia-based Cleaners, Mercury Thermometers, Wood Polishes, Waxes, Fertilizers, Insecticides, Herbicides, Rodenticides, Spa and Pool Chemicals, Roofing Compounds, Antifreeze, Batteries, Motor Oil, Paint Strippers and Thinners, Gasoline and more. Americans generate 1.6 million tons of HHW per year! Where can I safely dispose of my hazardous waste? La Grande Facility: Open to any resident of the three counties every other Tuesday, 8am-12 noon. By appointment, however, small labeled quantities accepted daily. (541) 963-5459. Baker City Facility: Open the first Wednesday of each month, 10am-12 noon. By appointment only. (541) 523-2626. Enterprise Facility: Open the 1st and 3rd Wednesday of each month 10am-12 noon. By appointment only. (541) 426-3332. weather The average home can accumulate as much as 100 pounds of hazardous waste. AROUND OREGON AND THE REGION Astoria Longview 53/70 Kennewick 52/74 St. Helens 53/77 60/79 60/82 56/78 49/79 Condon SAT SUN MON TUE Partly cloudy Mostly sunny and pleasant Sunny and pleasant Sunny and delightful Plenty of sun 81 41 86 43 90 44 Eugene 9 7 7 49/83 78 46 84 47 89 50 10 8 6 La Grande 54 84 48 Comfort Index™ Enterprise 7 8 9 52 81 46 Comfort Index™ 9 86 51 10 9 6 ALMANAC NATION (for the 48 contiguous states) High Wednesday Low Wednesday High: 117° Low: 31° Wettest: 3.56” 89° 60° 91° 54° PRECIPITATION (inches) Wednesday Trace Month to date 0.21 Normal month to date 0.46 Year to date 6.29 Normal year to date 6.82 0.01 0.48 0.57 11.29 10.59 0.00 0.37 0.42 20.77 14.79 HAY INFORMATION SATURDAY 25% WNW at 7 to 14 mph 10.7 0.23 RESERVOIR STORAGE (through midnight Thursday) 35% of capacity 45% of capacity 77% of capacity 60% of capacity 48% of capacity 29% of capacity STREAM FLOWS (through midnight Wednesday) Grande Ronde at Troy Thief Valley Reservoir near North Powder Burnt River near Unity Umatilla River near Gibbon Minam River at Minam Powder River near Richland Grants Pass Thermal, Calif. Bridgeport, Calif. Baton Rouge, La. OREGON High: 101° Low: 42° Wettest: 0.61” Ontario Lakeview Sexton Summit 583 cfs 86 cfs 110 cfs 40 cfs 106 cfs 24 cfs SUN & MOON FRI. 6:03 a.m. 7:47 p.m. 11:54 p.m. 2:06 p.m. SAT. 6:04 a.m. 7:45 p.m. none 3:12 p.m. MOON PHASES Last Aug 23 New Aug 30 First Sep 5 Full Sep 13 nee R d E O M oku, d u S , s g n i t s Show Li , Crosswords orts p S , h c r a e S Word re...? o M & s e z z i Qu Jordan Valley 54/90 Paisley 50/90 Frenchglen 55/92 58/94 56/99 Klamath Falls 48/87 Lakeview 45/90 McDermitt 52/94 RECREATION FORECAST SATURDAY SUN. Hi/Lo/W Hi/Lo/W 70/55/pc 69/55/pc 84/46/s 82/46/s 94/58/s 84/54/s 72/54/s 76/59/s 90/44/pc 84/41/s 70/55/s 69/55/s 80/50/s 80/52/s 89/50/pc 83/48/s 82/48/s 77/48/s 83/52/s 82/53/s 88/59/s 85/52/s 79/58/s 79/54/s 87/53/pc 82/50/s 87/50/s 81/50/s 83/44/pc 76/44/s 89/59/s 86/52/s 87/45/s 87/47/s 90/44/s 86/46/s Grand View Arock 52/95 57/96 Shown is Saturday’s weather. Temperatures are Friday night’s lows and Saturday’s highs. City Astoria Bend Boise Brookings Burns Coos Bay Corvallis Council Elgin Eugene Hermiston Hood River Imnaha John Day Joseph Kennewick Klamath Falls Lakeview Diamond 55/90 Fields Medford Brookings SAT. Hurricane Andrew wreaked havoc from south of Coral Gables to the northern tip of Key Largo on Aug. 23, 1992. A wind gust of 164 mph was recorded at the National Hurricane Center in Coral Gables. Sunrise Sunset Moonrise Moonset Silver Lake 49/85 Boise 63/94 58/93 54/72 54/94 48/87 REGIONAL CITIES WEATHER HISTORY AGRICULTURAL INFO. Phillips Reservoir Unity Reservoir Owyhee Reservoir McKay Reservoir Wallowa Lake Thief Valley Reservoir 52/80 55/87 Chiloquin TEMPERATURES Baker City La Grande Elgin Lowest relative humidity Afternoon wind Hours of sunshine Evapotranspiration Powers WED. EXTREMES 89° 56° Beaver Marsh Juntura 45/90 49/83 46/82 Roseburg Ontario 57/95 Burns Brothers 54/81 Coos Bay Huntington 51/84 51/84 Oakridge 54/89 62/94 Seneca Bend Elkton Council 49/88 55/87 49/84 53/70 Comfort Index takes into account how the weather will feel based on a combination of factors. A rating of 10 feels very comfortable while a rating of 0 feels very uncomfortable. 49/81 John Day 48/86 Sisters Florence 53/69 54/91 Baker City Redmond 52/81 80 47 9 Newport Halfway Granite 49/80 50/69 75 43 55/87 53/79 50/78 Corvallis Enterprise 52/81 54/84 Monument 56/82 Idanha Salem TONIGHT 7 Elgin 52/82 La Grande 57/77 Maupin Comfort Index™ 66/85 Pendleton The Dalles Portland Newberg Lewiston 63/87 Hood River 62/85 TIllamook 49 88 43 Forecasts and graphics provided by AccuWeather, Inc. ©2019 Walla Walla 62/89 Vancouver 52/76 49/72 Baker City to please his father, and I’m tired of my husband coming down on me for how I raised our son. — CHALLENGED IN NEW MEXICO DEAR CHALLENGED: I have to wonder if there is some other issue going on be- tween your husband and your son that you didn’t mention. Wyatt appears to be thinking logically. He’s working and has offered to contribute to the household expenses. Many parents would be thrilled their son chose a school nearby. That your husband would label your son a “mama’s boy” and toss him out of the house is not helpful; it is hostile. Criticizing you for the way Wyatt has been raised is a cheap shot. Before making up your mind, talk to Wyatt’s guid- ance counselor at school. If the person knows your son, it could prove helpful to hear his or her perspective. City Lewiston Longview Meacham Medford Newport Olympia Ontario Pasco Pendleton Portland Powers Redmond Roseburg Salem Spokane The Dalles Ukiah Walla Walla SAT. SUN. Hi/Lo/W 87/59/pc 74/54/pc 79/45/s 94/56/s 69/51/pc 75/50/pc 95/60/s 89/57/s 85/56/s 78/57/pc 80/54/s 86/44/s 87/58/s 78/53/s 81/54/s 82/58/s 80/43/s 85/59/s Hi/Lo/W 83/57/s 76/52/pc 75/41/s 93/57/s 67/52/pc 76/49/pc 88/54/s 85/53/s 82/52/s 78/56/pc 81/53/s 84/44/s 85/57/s 79/54/s 78/54/s 81/56/s 75/41/s 83/57/s Weather(W): s-sunny, pc-partly cloudy, c-cloudy, sh-showers, t-thunderstorms, r-rain, sf-snow fl urries, sn-snow, i-ice Check out our new TV Magazine ANTHONY LAKES PHILLIPS LAKE Partly sunny Mostly sunny 60 38 83 44 MT. EMILY REC. BROWNLEE RES. Mostly sunny Mostly sunny 70 45 90 52 EAGLE CAP WILD. EMIGRANT ST. PARK Partly sunny Sunshine and nice 69 37 75 40 WALLOWA LAKE MCKAY RESERVOIR Partly sunny; nice Sunshine and nice 83 44 84 54 THIEF VALLEY RES. RED BRIDGE ST. PARK Partly sunny Lots of sun; nice 88 43 84 48 Y R E EV Y A D FRI BL E LOGO REVERS R - COLO B