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WEDNESDAY, MAY 4, 2022
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APPEAL TRIBUNE
Skills Parents Can Teach
Kids to Resolve Conflicts
Address: P.O. Box 13009, Salem, OR 97309
Phone: 503-399-6773
Fax: 503-399-6706
Kerrie Barton
Willamette Connections Academy
In the past few years, kids have
faced challenges that often bring up
difficult social and emotional re-
sponses. These could be caused by
things like pandemic changes in their
learning, bullying from other chil-
dren, political protests and turmoil
on the news.
Education experts point to chil-
dren struggling with social and men-
tal health challenges after nearly two
years of pandemic disruptions in the
classroom. Two-thirds of teachers
and school district leaders say stu-
dents are misbehaving more than be-
fore the pandemic, according to a re-
cent survey by EdWeek’s Research
Center.
Conflicts are unpleasant and un-
avoidable, but learning how to deal
with them is an important lesson for
kids. For example, because I teach in
a virtual classroom, I use smaller
breakout rooms for my students so
they are more comfortable talking to
each other when discussing ques-
tions at the end of a lesson. Not only
does this help them listen to one an-
other, but it helps them understand
their peers' opinions. When students
learn how to reduce conflicts, they’ll
be better able to achieve academic
and personal goals, according to the
American School Counselor Associa-
tion.
This is only one way I try to create
an environment where children can
develop valuable skills to resolve
conflicts. Read on to find out other
strategies parents can use in their
daily lives.
Regulate Reactions
Nothing will get solved when kids
are extremely emotional, so the first
step is showing them how to calm
down. Teach them tools for relaxing
like taking deep breaths, playing
with a pet, getting a hug, or splashing
water on their face.
Help children label what they’re
feeling so they understand what’s go-
Micro-shelters
Continued from Page 1A
guest.
Family, friends and neighbors donat-
ed more than $2,800 to help the couple
pay for the 9x8 foot structure, like the
ones placed in designated villages to
house the homeless on northeast Port-
land Road and southeast Turner Road.
The city’s commitment to establish-
ing managed micro-shelter villages
throughout the city has floundered, de-
spite significant public fundraising. The
City Council received pushback over
proposed locations last fall from a
northwest neighborhood and this
spring from a northeast apartment
complex owner.
Arana and Chandler understand the
apprehension because of negative
stereotypes about the homeless. They
are cautious, too, which is why they
sought help vetting someone to
participate in the pilot project.
Their first guest is Cindel Mikesell, a
42-year-old woman who has a full-time
job but can’t afford housing.
Mikesell moved in a couple weeks
ago after signing a guest agreement de-
fining the arrangement and outlining
expectations. She can reside in the mi-
cro-shelter free for up to 12 months, giv-
ing her time to gain financial stability
and housing security.
Hosts are passionate about
housing security
Arana and Chandler have been to-
gether for 20 years and married for 10.
Arana is retired and disabled and once
Crafters
Continued from Page 1A
ticipates the 120-foot-by-300-foot mar-
ket area should easily fill up on this
year’s May 6 opening evening alongside
the city’s First Friday event.
“Some vendors won’t be coming to
the opening weekend or will have spo-
radic schedules,” she said, “while some
want to come every weekend, and still
others just wanting to come on Fridays
or Saturdays.”
“Though we have 42 spaces, there’s
room to wiggle and put in a few more,
maybe,” she said. Purchasing an Oregon
Crafters Market membership can help
alleviate the scheduling frenzy for ded-
icated vendors, she noted.
“The first year we were open (the
summer of 2020) it was really scary for
me,” Ewing said. “My anxiety level was
Barton
ing on, instead of shut-
ting down when dis-
putes happen. Ask if
they’re frustrated, em-
barrassed or angry?
Students feel loved and
supported when par-
ents demonstrate em-
pathy.
Communication Conflicts
Once emotions have cooled it’s
easier for parents to communicate
with children about the root cause of
the conflict.
Using “I” statements is a great way
to help children not only label their
emotion, but express why they feel
the way they do. Try having them
practice “I feel ___ when ___.” When
my son has an issue with a friend, I
use this technique so I can under-
stand his perspective. I empathize
with him, letting him know I under-
stand why he feels the way he does. I
offer some possible explanations for
why the friend might have acted the
way he did; perhaps they were having
a bad day. By considering the other
person's point of view, I’ve found it
can help deescalate the problem.
Solve Problems
After the problem is identified it’s
time to brainstorm solutions. Parents
may want to jump in and referee con-
flicts, but kids need to navigate prob-
lem solving for themselves eventual-
ly.
Monitoring the conflict resolution
process and offering some helpful
suggestions is a great approach. Be
available for guidance and emotional
support. Encourage children to come
up with options, which could include
compromise. If they are having trou-
ble knowing where to start, activities
such as role playing can help children
explore different ways to solve their
problem.
Make Apologies
In some conflicts, kids need to
worked as a behavioral specialist and
community integration coach. Chandler
is a physician’s assistant in orthopedics.
They moved to their South Salem
farmhouse in 2017. Since then, they
have opened their spare room to those
in need of temporary shelter and shared
the bounty of their garden with local
homeless shelters.
But they wanted to do more and saw
an opportunity after talking with Russ
Monk, their neighbor across the street,
about his latest project. Monk had been
working with the city to design comfort-
able and secure temporary shelters to
meet the needs of unhoused individ-
uals.
Arana and Chandler have a soft spot
in their hearts for those struggling with
housing security.
“It can happen to anyone, that’s what
people need to realize,” Arana, who ex-
perienced
homelessness
in
her
mid-20s, said. “They might be interact-
ing with somebody who is sleeping in
their car or doesn’t know where they’ll
be sleeping the next night.”
She and Chandler were proactive in
talking to neighbors about their plan, in-
cluding those next door and closest to
the micro-shelter. Their neighbors in-
clude social workers, police officers,
educators and medical professionals.
They laid a gravel pad, purchased a
Compact Livable Temporary Shelter
and connected with a women’s shelter
run by the local United Way to find a
candidate for their first guest.
Email: sanews@salem.gannett.com
Web site: www.SilvertonAppeal.com
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News Director
Don Currie
503-399-6655
dcurrie@statesmanjournal.com
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apologize. In these teachable mo-
ments, parents should explain to stu-
dents that it’s OK to make mistakes
and apologizing will help repair their
relationships with others.
The child making the apology may
want to write it down before saying
the words. They should say “I’m sor-
ry,” state what they did wrong, prom-
ise to do better in the future and ask
for forgiveness.
Model Good Skills
Children learn peacemaking skills
from their parents. After parents deal
with a tough situation, they should
talk to their kids about why they used
certain techniques to manage the
conflict.
Helping students understand
kindness, compassion and fairness
are among the best conflict resolu-
tion tools they can have. Encouraging
signed by Monk and manufactured by
Edomo Homes in West Salem.
Monk said he didn't believe the struc-
ture, because of its dimensions and por-
tability, was subject to city approval or
permits. City officials told the States-
man Journal homeowners should con-
tact the city to determine if the use is al-
lowed and permits are required for their
property.
The shelter is made of standard
building materials, including sheetrock,
insulation and a metal roof. It has heat-
ing and air conditioning, three small
windows, vinyl plank flooring and 110-
volt electric outlets.
Inside there’s room for a bed that’s
smaller than a twin, a table on the oppo-
site side, and a mini-HVAC unit against
the back wall.
Monk paid a third of the cost for the
micro-shelter, which retails for $5,900.
The price did not include the HVAC unit
(about $400), the bed and the front
porch.
The shelter does not have plumbing,
which means the guest needs to access
Arana and Chandler’s home for bath-
room and kitchen facilities. The use of
those facilities is outlined in the guest
agreement.
Guest is thankful for opportunity
to save money
The micro-shelter on Arana and
Chandler’s property is the prototype de-
Cindel Mikesell and her 20-year-old
cat Natty have settled comfortably into
their new temporary home.
She was recommended to the proper-
ty owners by Lynelle Wilcox, program
manager for SafeSleep United, where
Arana volunteered before the pandem-
ic. Mikesell had been a guest there.
“When Lisa told me about this pro-
up to here just trying to start something
new.”
In the second year, she said she felt
the market could have been busier, but
attributed that to vendor and pedestrian
absences due to the ongoing pandemic.
“I know that this year’s opening
weekend will be full,” she said, “but
things are ever-changing as far as com-
mitments from people since we have an
ongoing open-to-apply plan. We’re al-
ways accepting new vendors.”
Longtime OCM vendor and member
Ruth Patching sells tie-dye items such as
dresses, baby clothes, shirts — and the
shoelaces — at her booth, called Soap
and Stitches.
She said the event is “really enjoy-
able; it’s long hours but it’s a welcoming
environment and there is a great mix-
ture of people, which is fun.”
Brent Rutter and Patty Tatum are Al-
bany residents who have made the pil-
grimage to the Oregon Crafters Market
for the past two years to sell their eclec-
tic wares. Rutter’s booth is called Rut-
ter’s Rustic Creations, which peddles
wood carvings, “Funky Fish” art and
other items.
He said the Oregon Crafter’s Market
was “the only game in the state” that
functioned well during the pandemic,
since it was “open-air and outside.”
Oregon Crafters Market owner Glen
Damewood also owns the iconic 1890’s-
era Mac’s Place, as well as two Wooden
Nickel eateries. He purchased the mar-
ket lot from a friend who had had experi-
ence in working the longtime Portland
Saturday Market, where Ewing was once
a vendor.
The lot houses a small building that
Damewood has converted into a kitchen
area. A two-story addition will feature
an open-air restaurant on the bottom
floor and a second-floor adults-only
lounge called the Rong Bar. The entire
structure — situated as it is at the inter-
Micro-shelter has heating and air
conditioning
Classifieds: call 503-399-6789
Retail: call 503-399-6602
Legal: call 503-399-6789
children to work together, taking
turns, and other positive behaviors
can go a long way in preventing un-
friendly behavior.
Disagreements can be healthy be-
cause they usually come from differ-
ences of opinion or interests. If chil-
dren acquire solid conflict resolution
practices, they’ll have stronger rela-
tionships.
These skills will not only help stu-
dents express feelings, and solve
problems, but they’ll also become
more resilient and happier adults,
hopefully with fewer conflicts.
Kerrie Barton is a Willamette Con-
nections Academy middle school
teacher. Willamette Connections
Academy is now enrolling for the
2022-23 academic year. To learn
more about the school or to begin the
enrollment process visit www.Willa-
metteConnectionsAcademy.com or
call (800) 382-6010.
ject and their wish to shelter someone,
Cindel came to mind because she has
some similar interests and values as the
homeowners,” Wilcox said. “All three of
them love gardening and cats; they each
are vegetarians, interested in frugality,
growing much of their own food, and
ecologically friendly living.”
Having access to the property own-
ers’ garden will help Mikesell eat health-
ier and control her Type 2 diabetes.
She had been discouraged about not
being able to afford a place to live, even
after getting a full-time job and what
she called the best pay of her life.
She is thankful for an opportunity
that allows her to live rent-free and save
money, and she couldn’t ask for more
hospitable hosts.
“They’re kind and they’re encourag-
ing,” Mikesell said. “It’s like having a
family. They’ve really embraced me.”
Arana and Chandler designated a
couple of barrel planters, already filled
with dirt, for Mikesell to grow whatever
she likes. A $500 gift card was donated
to give Mikesell as a welcome gift.
The guest agreement indicates the
micro-shelter arrangement will be re-
viewed on a month-to-month basis for
up to one year. It is a free will arrange-
ment, meaning the guest may leave or
be asked to leave at any time for any rea-
son.
“For Cindel, for ourselves and for our
neighbors, we hope we have success,”
Chandler said. ‘We hope it will inspire
other neighborhoods to do the same.”
Capi Lynn is a veteran reporter and
columnist at the Statesman Journal.
She can be reached at 503-399-6710 or
clynn@StatesmanJournal.com, or fol-
low her on Twitter @CapiLynn and
Facebook @CapiLynnSJ.
section of High and Water streets and
fronting Silver Creek — will be known as
the High Water Grill.
A street-level family outdoor dining
area hugs the Water Street sidewalk and
the existing Rong Stage hosts live music
during the First Friday events each
month as well as the Saturday/Sunday
market days each weekend through Oc-
tober 30.
All proceeds from the market, Ewing
said, go to the Silver Fox Foundation,
which disburses funds back into the
community by allowing local students,
youth sports and clubs to fundraise at
the market.
Weekend dates and event and vendor
information can be found at www.ore-
goncraftersmarket.com.
Freelance writer/photographer Geoff
Parks is based in Salem. Have a Silver-
ton story idea? E-mail him at geoff-
parks@gmail.com.