2A | WEDNESDAY, MAY 4, 2022 | APPEAL TRIBUNE Skills Parents Can Teach Kids to Resolve Conflicts Address: P.O. Box 13009, Salem, OR 97309 Phone: 503-399-6773 Fax: 503-399-6706 Kerrie Barton Willamette Connections Academy In the past few years, kids have faced challenges that often bring up difficult social and emotional re- sponses. These could be caused by things like pandemic changes in their learning, bullying from other chil- dren, political protests and turmoil on the news. Education experts point to chil- dren struggling with social and men- tal health challenges after nearly two years of pandemic disruptions in the classroom. Two-thirds of teachers and school district leaders say stu- dents are misbehaving more than be- fore the pandemic, according to a re- cent survey by EdWeek’s Research Center. Conflicts are unpleasant and un- avoidable, but learning how to deal with them is an important lesson for kids. For example, because I teach in a virtual classroom, I use smaller breakout rooms for my students so they are more comfortable talking to each other when discussing ques- tions at the end of a lesson. Not only does this help them listen to one an- other, but it helps them understand their peers' opinions. When students learn how to reduce conflicts, they’ll be better able to achieve academic and personal goals, according to the American School Counselor Associa- tion. This is only one way I try to create an environment where children can develop valuable skills to resolve conflicts. Read on to find out other strategies parents can use in their daily lives. Regulate Reactions Nothing will get solved when kids are extremely emotional, so the first step is showing them how to calm down. Teach them tools for relaxing like taking deep breaths, playing with a pet, getting a hug, or splashing water on their face. Help children label what they’re feeling so they understand what’s go- Micro-shelters Continued from Page 1A guest. Family, friends and neighbors donat- ed more than $2,800 to help the couple pay for the 9x8 foot structure, like the ones placed in designated villages to house the homeless on northeast Port- land Road and southeast Turner Road. The city’s commitment to establish- ing managed micro-shelter villages throughout the city has floundered, de- spite significant public fundraising. The City Council received pushback over proposed locations last fall from a northwest neighborhood and this spring from a northeast apartment complex owner. Arana and Chandler understand the apprehension because of negative stereotypes about the homeless. They are cautious, too, which is why they sought help vetting someone to participate in the pilot project. Their first guest is Cindel Mikesell, a 42-year-old woman who has a full-time job but can’t afford housing. Mikesell moved in a couple weeks ago after signing a guest agreement de- fining the arrangement and outlining expectations. She can reside in the mi- cro-shelter free for up to 12 months, giv- ing her time to gain financial stability and housing security. Hosts are passionate about housing security Arana and Chandler have been to- gether for 20 years and married for 10. Arana is retired and disabled and once Crafters Continued from Page 1A ticipates the 120-foot-by-300-foot mar- ket area should easily fill up on this year’s May 6 opening evening alongside the city’s First Friday event. “Some vendors won’t be coming to the opening weekend or will have spo- radic schedules,” she said, “while some want to come every weekend, and still others just wanting to come on Fridays or Saturdays.” “Though we have 42 spaces, there’s room to wiggle and put in a few more, maybe,” she said. Purchasing an Oregon Crafters Market membership can help alleviate the scheduling frenzy for ded- icated vendors, she noted. “The first year we were open (the summer of 2020) it was really scary for me,” Ewing said. “My anxiety level was Barton ing on, instead of shut- ting down when dis- putes happen. Ask if they’re frustrated, em- barrassed or angry? Students feel loved and supported when par- ents demonstrate em- pathy. Communication Conflicts Once emotions have cooled it’s easier for parents to communicate with children about the root cause of the conflict. Using “I” statements is a great way to help children not only label their emotion, but express why they feel the way they do. Try having them practice “I feel ___ when ___.” When my son has an issue with a friend, I use this technique so I can under- stand his perspective. I empathize with him, letting him know I under- stand why he feels the way he does. I offer some possible explanations for why the friend might have acted the way he did; perhaps they were having a bad day. By considering the other person's point of view, I’ve found it can help deescalate the problem. Solve Problems After the problem is identified it’s time to brainstorm solutions. Parents may want to jump in and referee con- flicts, but kids need to navigate prob- lem solving for themselves eventual- ly. Monitoring the conflict resolution process and offering some helpful suggestions is a great approach. Be available for guidance and emotional support. Encourage children to come up with options, which could include compromise. If they are having trou- ble knowing where to start, activities such as role playing can help children explore different ways to solve their problem. Make Apologies In some conflicts, kids need to worked as a behavioral specialist and community integration coach. Chandler is a physician’s assistant in orthopedics. They moved to their South Salem farmhouse in 2017. Since then, they have opened their spare room to those in need of temporary shelter and shared the bounty of their garden with local homeless shelters. But they wanted to do more and saw an opportunity after talking with Russ Monk, their neighbor across the street, about his latest project. Monk had been working with the city to design comfort- able and secure temporary shelters to meet the needs of unhoused individ- uals. Arana and Chandler have a soft spot in their hearts for those struggling with housing security. “It can happen to anyone, that’s what people need to realize,” Arana, who ex- perienced homelessness in her mid-20s, said. “They might be interact- ing with somebody who is sleeping in their car or doesn’t know where they’ll be sleeping the next night.” She and Chandler were proactive in talking to neighbors about their plan, in- cluding those next door and closest to the micro-shelter. Their neighbors in- clude social workers, police officers, educators and medical professionals. They laid a gravel pad, purchased a Compact Livable Temporary Shelter and connected with a women’s shelter run by the local United Way to find a candidate for their first guest. Email: sanews@salem.gannett.com Web site: www.SilvertonAppeal.com Staff News Director Don Currie 503-399-6655 dcurrie@statesmanjournal.com Advertising Westsmb@gannett.com Deadlines News: 4 p.m. Thursday Letters: 4 p.m. Thursday Obituaries: 11 a.m. Friday Display Advertising: 4 p.m. Wednesday Legals: 3 p.m. Wednesday Classifieds: 4 p.m. Friday News Tips The Appeal Tribune encourages suggestions for local stories. Email the newsroom, submit letters to the editor and send announcements to sanews@salem.gannett.com or call 503-399-6773. Missed Delivery? 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In these teachable mo- ments, parents should explain to stu- dents that it’s OK to make mistakes and apologizing will help repair their relationships with others. The child making the apology may want to write it down before saying the words. They should say “I’m sor- ry,” state what they did wrong, prom- ise to do better in the future and ask for forgiveness. Model Good Skills Children learn peacemaking skills from their parents. After parents deal with a tough situation, they should talk to their kids about why they used certain techniques to manage the conflict. Helping students understand kindness, compassion and fairness are among the best conflict resolu- tion tools they can have. Encouraging signed by Monk and manufactured by Edomo Homes in West Salem. Monk said he didn't believe the struc- ture, because of its dimensions and por- tability, was subject to city approval or permits. City officials told the States- man Journal homeowners should con- tact the city to determine if the use is al- lowed and permits are required for their property. The shelter is made of standard building materials, including sheetrock, insulation and a metal roof. It has heat- ing and air conditioning, three small windows, vinyl plank flooring and 110- volt electric outlets. Inside there’s room for a bed that’s smaller than a twin, a table on the oppo- site side, and a mini-HVAC unit against the back wall. Monk paid a third of the cost for the micro-shelter, which retails for $5,900. The price did not include the HVAC unit (about $400), the bed and the front porch. The shelter does not have plumbing, which means the guest needs to access Arana and Chandler’s home for bath- room and kitchen facilities. The use of those facilities is outlined in the guest agreement. Guest is thankful for opportunity to save money The micro-shelter on Arana and Chandler’s property is the prototype de- Cindel Mikesell and her 20-year-old cat Natty have settled comfortably into their new temporary home. She was recommended to the proper- ty owners by Lynelle Wilcox, program manager for SafeSleep United, where Arana volunteered before the pandem- ic. Mikesell had been a guest there. “When Lisa told me about this pro- up to here just trying to start something new.” In the second year, she said she felt the market could have been busier, but attributed that to vendor and pedestrian absences due to the ongoing pandemic. “I know that this year’s opening weekend will be full,” she said, “but things are ever-changing as far as com- mitments from people since we have an ongoing open-to-apply plan. We’re al- ways accepting new vendors.” Longtime OCM vendor and member Ruth Patching sells tie-dye items such as dresses, baby clothes, shirts — and the shoelaces — at her booth, called Soap and Stitches. She said the event is “really enjoy- able; it’s long hours but it’s a welcoming environment and there is a great mix- ture of people, which is fun.” Brent Rutter and Patty Tatum are Al- bany residents who have made the pil- grimage to the Oregon Crafters Market for the past two years to sell their eclec- tic wares. Rutter’s booth is called Rut- ter’s Rustic Creations, which peddles wood carvings, “Funky Fish” art and other items. He said the Oregon Crafter’s Market was “the only game in the state” that functioned well during the pandemic, since it was “open-air and outside.” Oregon Crafters Market owner Glen Damewood also owns the iconic 1890’s- era Mac’s Place, as well as two Wooden Nickel eateries. He purchased the mar- ket lot from a friend who had had experi- ence in working the longtime Portland Saturday Market, where Ewing was once a vendor. The lot houses a small building that Damewood has converted into a kitchen area. A two-story addition will feature an open-air restaurant on the bottom floor and a second-floor adults-only lounge called the Rong Bar. The entire structure — situated as it is at the inter- Micro-shelter has heating and air conditioning Classifieds: call 503-399-6789 Retail: call 503-399-6602 Legal: call 503-399-6789 children to work together, taking turns, and other positive behaviors can go a long way in preventing un- friendly behavior. Disagreements can be healthy be- cause they usually come from differ- ences of opinion or interests. If chil- dren acquire solid conflict resolution practices, they’ll have stronger rela- tionships. These skills will not only help stu- dents express feelings, and solve problems, but they’ll also become more resilient and happier adults, hopefully with fewer conflicts. Kerrie Barton is a Willamette Con- nections Academy middle school teacher. Willamette Connections Academy is now enrolling for the 2022-23 academic year. To learn more about the school or to begin the enrollment process visit www.Willa- metteConnectionsAcademy.com or call (800) 382-6010. ject and their wish to shelter someone, Cindel came to mind because she has some similar interests and values as the homeowners,” Wilcox said. “All three of them love gardening and cats; they each are vegetarians, interested in frugality, growing much of their own food, and ecologically friendly living.” Having access to the property own- ers’ garden will help Mikesell eat health- ier and control her Type 2 diabetes. She had been discouraged about not being able to afford a place to live, even after getting a full-time job and what she called the best pay of her life. She is thankful for an opportunity that allows her to live rent-free and save money, and she couldn’t ask for more hospitable hosts. “They’re kind and they’re encourag- ing,” Mikesell said. “It’s like having a family. They’ve really embraced me.” Arana and Chandler designated a couple of barrel planters, already filled with dirt, for Mikesell to grow whatever she likes. A $500 gift card was donated to give Mikesell as a welcome gift. The guest agreement indicates the micro-shelter arrangement will be re- viewed on a month-to-month basis for up to one year. It is a free will arrange- ment, meaning the guest may leave or be asked to leave at any time for any rea- son. “For Cindel, for ourselves and for our neighbors, we hope we have success,” Chandler said. ‘We hope it will inspire other neighborhoods to do the same.” Capi Lynn is a veteran reporter and columnist at the Statesman Journal. She can be reached at 503-399-6710 or clynn@StatesmanJournal.com, or fol- low her on Twitter @CapiLynn and Facebook @CapiLynnSJ. section of High and Water streets and fronting Silver Creek — will be known as the High Water Grill. A street-level family outdoor dining area hugs the Water Street sidewalk and the existing Rong Stage hosts live music during the First Friday events each month as well as the Saturday/Sunday market days each weekend through Oc- tober 30. All proceeds from the market, Ewing said, go to the Silver Fox Foundation, which disburses funds back into the community by allowing local students, youth sports and clubs to fundraise at the market. Weekend dates and event and vendor information can be found at www.ore- goncraftersmarket.com. Freelance writer/photographer Geoff Parks is based in Salem. Have a Silver- ton story idea? E-mail him at geoff- parks@gmail.com.