The
Scrap Book
(appointing-
hcr book m,r ot " ri(v
- j)r, Anna Shaw tolla of her first
lltlou n schoolteacher when Mho
wna fifteen and
the salary of 'i
n week not to be
1 I a until the
dog tat wae col
lect ea In th
spring. With the
Slid for hor Brat
lultur of thir
teen weeks alio
went "outside"
to the noarett
shop anil bought
n liciiiitlful party
dress her first.
It liroiiKtit her
her flrHt propos
nl, Hindu by a
youth of twenty,
"whoso costume,
like liliiiHclf. left
much o lj de
sired." On tho
night of t ho pro
IMiHiil tie woro a
ill no (liiiinel Mhlrt
nnd a ixilr of
trousers imiilo of
ur hug. "Is mother huil tlmught-
iv m-livtcd n eli iin ui I r of sinks for
10 uirHHi. im one leu of tho trousers
m tlic word A. A. urccn." II nil
tin- ri'.ir of tho garment was the
.(ml, "Ninety "lx Im.iiihU." To
grtlve n spouse to hi propoMul the
ulli exclaimed:
That's dinned disappointing to n
kiw."
8omhov Good,
jrt Iruxt Huil omnoliow (k4
Will Im lliti lln.il iiniil ur III,
Tc doiiish of iiittuir, ulna of m ill.
LfKia of ili'UliI unit tuliiti of blood;
il notMnit wnPia with nlmlraa fnct,
ihAt no one llfn almll tin UcNlroyatJ
if C'lrt n I'iiIiMhIi to III Villil
w hiilli nuulQ thr pile compute
it not tviinn la cluvi-n III vain.
,h.it n it n iimlli uifh villi Ui-alre
i nhrlvuli it hi a frulilrM lira
but iuIhwi v another's unln
mid, kirn tu t mi) thing
Inn but t.u-l Unit l aliall fall
II tai-t f ir(T -lit I ml to all
d v-ry Hlnii-r rhiituia to spring,
ram my ilre im. Hut whnt am If
An Infant cryliiH In tho ulitht.
An Infant rnlnit fur the llullt,
A alth nu liinttuiiKU tint k cry. ,
-A If nil Trnnyonn
CHANGED HER TACTICS.
She Laokad Beauty, but She Had
Fine 8tme of Humor.
Thero U on the Breton count a little
acnsldo rciiort nestled In an admirable
citing of rock and grovce and equip
ped with a Grand hotel of the beach
which ban been transformed In iheNe
sadly dimmed days Into n hospital for
tho wounded soldl.-r of France; fr
II that there are other people on the
, nu.iu, in-Hiue tne convalescent lieroci
and especially any number of pretty
women nlwaya ready to lend their help
to the doctor In cbargo. Among those
charming actress was particularly
, lavish with her attention to the iol
dlors. One day when she wo present
a big durk fellow manifested nn n.
I vlnclblo rciiiiitnnnco to a bitter done
( which by the doctor' ordcra lie waa
to drink.
"If you ore a cowl Im mwi ,i,. .!,
tho dot tor tells you," auld the dnncer,
"you may kiwi me."
Instuntly and with one gulp the big
fellow awallowcd tho Bluff, wiped qui
ST- HELENS MlSt, FRIDAY. NOVF.MRFP 12, 1915.
1 . - i '
i-uuu ur A LUNATIC.
rs rmT rnoconAi.
Only en Approval.
At llin WedneHiliiy evening nerrlre In
dmn ti pin lurn In n i cilnln New
rk parish the niliilHti-r cIiimo linnmty
t llir milijei't of IiIh lirti-f dUcounte
Im lliiin a iiiurtcr of nn hour he
nil lime In tuiiiliiiHte iienrly every
Ijr nliu hud ever tlcvlnlcd fnnn tin
mnr imili. Inn he wim iiiirtlculurl:
nl mi thii-ie permniH who otiloi
ir approval. After the iwriuoh
'T)l""ly eiiliiyeil lilunw-tf mxlultv
ore were wnne liljr ciiiih thero fron
ir imrWieH, mnl the pii.-tora huil
'il dime up cipct'lnlly for tho even
Tlieie were two lovely new rev
iirt ihiili'4 Unit the niliiUler foimi,
rtt. utiirt.v ( fortnliU., lie compll
mod the heml of the fiirnl.ihln;'
hiul!iei im her thrift iiinl tiiHte.
' rrlilny eveufiiit there wan an
i-r uiii-tlii-; In tll( purloin. The inln
'flunked uroiind IIi-hI thliij for thinu
I'lrt i liiili -i.
W'lini Imve you done with them
Illiink" he mii Id to the bend ol
r'nininltlec.
"Uli," wild nhi Hereiiely, "they cnl
yesterdny! The furniture atore
I 'iit them up for Wctlnend.iy nluhl
I'I'roviil."
Paid Hr Bock.
'Warn I won In Aiin rlcii." write
"sl:i Shiilen In "Tweulv Ye:ini ol
Life." "Kuuene I'leld cdllisl oin
me (jient Clilciiuo d.illlca mid win
K prlmlpul nuihor of the we-t. My
luiei'llim with hi in wint n chnrartor
f1' wie, I wim ut nn ,u lionic In New
tiiluhm to the o.lllri.n of n fiiNh
'Hlii-r who hud oIno written look
iwrnldly etiHh nlinlit tnivel. The
hroin-ht up Kleld nnd Intro
"1 linn to t in ixlltn.tm
'ITV 11 1 ml to iniii,! t-mi iiin'iim hi.
'l 'I Ihli, l I ,i..,, i i
iiihj Fiti mill I iimi
'J nil ynnr liiinkH with thi irrnntenl
1'eri-st.
'Are yon n tvrlfni-. Mr n.ilitr uh.i
'I um Horry to any that 1 have
r heiird of you.'
"Nnr I of yon, mn'nm, but you mlglu
pn ieiiilcd, biiiiio im I did.' "
Fittiirl l KlL.lu
F'loro w ii no inluliiiie nlinlit It. the
''w wn iiMleen. Tho cmburrnnricd
h')'l'ri "Im huil roiiehml thn tnlllnu
"'of IiIh niKuuiont. apolto In high
eJ nnd then mlsed hlx voice until
nlln of the room reverbemted.
F' fie Jiiduo alept on.
' court odlccra wcro blind to the
Inwyer'H hints. At lust In dea
Jjihnn ho turned to his opponent
Mr. nruliimi- vi ttt inn thn Aot
f! altiintlon I nm in. and there'a
7 "no wny out Unfortunately 1
fu'"t nil v book with mo. tint If Ton
f"' "lil I nm soliiir to knock over
pl Pile of yotnu."
'lib n ivnii .ii. ... ),
I , -. uiiui itil uniiitu mo
1UB Inwyor itruek tho Iwoka, mid
' well nn the olinlr on which
rf l)nd hAiltl utn...HnM a.... A,nn
'" a terrldc crnBli Jnat M hla naton
"1 opponent lotped to hla feet and
"iimi'il;
"'It I (1(1 llluil I, n,lll.. nl.1u.H"
V(llllllll H.IIHJT VUjUlM
tllO lllilirn n.,l,.,t ,lol hla
I'"1 'fnm tho position It hnd been oc
.. R for tho Inst fifteen minute.
J,"1' with nil hla wonfed dlgultyi
vuon overrulcdl"
The Craiy Man Knew Where to Draw
the Lla on Hla Contraot.
Orvllle L. Klplinger, cuaplaba of the
Mlcblgun City (hid.) reformatory, tell
tho following liiHtnuce of a acrupuloua
consclvuce:
Some years ago an Insane patient
wna given to tho Immodest, not to aay
expeuslve, habit of tearing hi clothing
from him and converting Jeans, tick,
lug. denim or whatever the clothea
were mudo of Into carpet rag.
The prison phyalclaji remonstrated
with the shredding nut as follow:
"Boy, old man, you'ro certainly mak
ing a lot of unneceasary trouble for
ua. Wo don"t think It'a fair. Wouldn't
you like to mnko moueyr
Tho Insnno man emphatically aTer
rcd hi wllllngnciia to earn ready caah.
"Well. I'll tell you what I'll do," re
sumed the doctor. "I will gtva you 10
cciita for every day you don't tear
your clothea off, ehr
Tho offender assented eagerly and
started In to unike good. Tuesday hla
clothe remulncd Intact; Wednesday
ditto; Friday and (Saturday the same.
His refurmntloD was the talk of the
Institution.
But ou Buuday . morning the gar
ment tho craey man bad worn all
week were torn Into trlp and thrown
to the four winds of his cell.
"Whnt doe till meanr aaked the
liidlgunnt puysldnn. "I thought I had
you hired to keep your clothea on and
lie good?'
"Well." auld tho prisoner Innocently,
"you didn't suppose I wa going to
work on Sunday, did jrouV-Judge.
Avoiding Trouble.
A great part of the happlnes of life
conslHt not In Denting battles, but In
avoiding them. A masterly retreat la
In Itself a Vlctory.-Lougfellow.
Had the Laugh on Dow.
Neal Dow was once called Into the
1'ortlund police station on a Saturday
night to confront a tipsy book agent
who Inslst'.-d that tbey drank brandy
and wntnr together on n Sound boat
Wbeu the Irute apostle of temperance
got there the fellow explulued that he
drank the brandy and Dow the water.
Vent FaTIKNT MADS a fACB
great mustacbo and claimed his re
ward. It waa all done ao prettily that
even tho bead aurgeou permitted him
self to aiulle.
Hut tbo real comedy began when tb
bead nurse, a homely matron turning
Dfty, appeared tho ueit morulug and
announced:
"Every one of you who takes bit
medicine will be allowed to kUa me."
Tho effect waa Immediate. Each and
every patient made fuce and put
down on the table beside blm the dots,
which be had been about to awallow.
Now thu head uunte la goodnesa It
aelf, and her koodnesa Is well spiced
with wit She was the Drat to laugl)
t tho result or her InvltaUou. Then
he pretended to be angry.
"Very well!" she cried. "Every niotn
er'a son of you that hasn't tuken hli
medicine In five minutes will be con
doomed to kiss mo!"
Tho soldiers luuKhed In their turn
and every gluss was hastily picked iif
and promptly emptied. New York
Post
Mistakes.
Neither let mistakes nor wrong direc
tions discourage thee. There U pre
clous Instruction to lie got by lludlug
we are wrong. Curlylc.
A Dual Reputation.
As Gniiitlnnd Rice tells the story, a
rertulu distinguished English actor.
whom we may safely call Jonea
llrown. pluya a iwrsliHcnt but horrible
game of golf. During a recent visit to
I this country the actor In question oc
casionally vlMlted the links of well
No Roclproolty.
Knrl Wellmun pitches for ono of tin
St I-ouU teams In the big leagues. Al
might bo guessed from bis name, he U
German.
"Sny," demanded an opjioslug but
muu one day last spring, "why don'l
you go back to Uermnuy and light foi
tho fatherland r
"Who, moJ" demanded Karl. "Not
on your life! Did the kaiser, send any
body over here to help me last fall
when I was pitching In all those tough
doublo hendersf'-Saturday Eveulng
Tost
A Bit of Correspondence.
Tbo following correspondence, end
Ing In true Irish fushlon, actually pass
ed between two men In England som
years ago:
"Mr. Thompson presenta hla compll
meuta to Mr. Simpson and begs to re
quest thnt ho will keep his doggs from
trespassing on his grounds."
"Mr. Simpson prcscuts his compll
meuta to Mr. Thompson aud liegs u
suggest that In future he should uot
pell 'dogs with two gees."
-tr 1'hnmnaon's respects to Mr
Simpson aud will feel obliged If he
will add tho letter "e- to mo ium u.
In tho nolo Just received, so us to rep
resent Mr. Simpson aud lady."
"Mr. Simpson returns Mr. Tbomp
on' note unopened, tbo Impertinent.
It contalus being only equaled by IU
vulgarity."
The Cruolal Tsst
At an adjourned town council meet
ing a member casually moutloned that
person could not enjoy or even dis
tinguish between drluks In (he dark.
A worthy ballio denied thla and of
fered to bet thnt blindfolded, he could
namo any arum given
bolug accepted and the balllo blind
folded, tbo test commenced. The balllo
drank everything aubmlttcd, aiuacked
hla llpa and correctly named the drluK
until he taker waa In despair. 1 hen
try blm wT water." whlscred a coun
cilor, and the hint waa taken. Hl-amock-alp-n
ebake of the head- I
canna Just mind the name o' this, but
mind o' tnatlu' It when I wa a wee
laddie."
1
"A WOllHtf FLAT KB IBlN toU ARB."
known cotititry club In Westchester
county, near New York.
After an especially miserable show
ing of liiuptnt'Hs one morulug. he fluug
dowu bis driver In disgust
"Cuddy." he suld, addressing the si
lent youth who stood ulongsldo, "that
was awful, wusn't It?"
"Purty bud. sir," stated tho boy.
"I freely confess that 1 am the worst
golfer In the world." continued the ac
tor. "Oh, I wouldn't suy thut. sir." said
tho caddy soothingly.
"Did you ever see a worse, player
than I amr
"No. sir. 1 never did," confessed the
boy truthfully. "Out some of the other
boys was telllu' me ytstuiuy uuoui
gentleman that must be a worse player
thnu you nre. They stud his name wns
JouesBrown."-Sturuuy isveuing rosi
Baalda the Waters.
I A hidy who lives at Oyster Bay, on
' going to ber front door the otuer morn
' lug. was startled to And a burly policy
I ninn nretiurlnaT to ring.
"What do you wantr she asked.
I'm aorry, tunrui, but tneres ucen a
man committed suicide down there on
the shore."
"Ob, horrible I" broke In the lady,
trembling.
"And I'm mighty aorry to tell you
tbnt the cont be left behind blm ha
your husband'a name In It"
"Oh, oh!" shrieked tho lady and
promptly fainted. '
But her Irish maid, who hnd a good
, i .... i.AM uiirtithini-a. av,n tiefore she
neitu uii m i """-" '
I tried resuscitation, called np her mas
ter's town office and got the reassuring
news that he waa (hero aafa aud sound
and doing business as usual
And tho lady speedily recovered from
her swoon.
"It's had one good effect." the bua
rlteil Inter "June doesn't
mi I, ..........
give away my ulce. comfortable old
clothes quite na freely as aho used to."
"Yes, r do," quoth Jane, "only I cut
the name out of the llulng first "-New
York Post
t
PITCHED A NO HIT GAME.
And Just For That the Managor of the
Ball Club Firod Him.
"I'll bet that I am the only manager
who ever fired a no bit pitcher right
after be established that record," suld
Bobby Qulnn, the veteran business
manager of the Columbus American
association team. "In the days that
Tom Bryce owned the Columbus team
be bought the Lima club, then In a
bush league. One morning be told me
to By to Lima as fast as the (team
car would carry me. Tbey tell mo
that they've got forty men on the pay
roll,' he said. 'Get up there and clean
em out before they break me.'
"Up I goes and finds that they bad
only thirty-eight all eating three square i
meals a day. A little grand Jury work
brought out the fact that some of them
bad never played professionally before '
and about ten of them had no shoes,
gloves or uniforms. Most of them had '
not even practiced, because there
wasn't enough equipment to go round. ,
I couldu't get them all Into a room.
but we assembled in the park, and I
chased over half of them.
"The next day we were to have a '
game at Van Wert and the bush man
ager wanted to ship the whole gang
over. 'Nothing doing,' aald I. 'Pick
out about a dozen.' En route it waa
fixed up to let Iron Mountain Miller,
one of these big, awkward bushera, do
tbo pitching. 'Ue'a a bearcat,' says
the manager. 'Uncago blm.' says I.
'I got up In the grand stand and
watched him perform. He had noth
ing, not even a wrinkle on the ball,
and thoiie Van Wert guys Just laid
back, nnd, wham, you could bear 'em
whistle. Alex Rellly. out in center,
caught sixteen Hue drives, and the two
other fielder were pulling them down
against the fence and making one
handed catches after running a quar
ter of a city block. They luld down
lKtween Innings to rest
'Well, Iron Mountain shut them out
nitbout n hit or run, and the buttons
flew off his shirt. After Bupcr I fired
blm. 'What! Fire tnc,' he howled.
after a no bit gumeT Didn't you bear
all the people talking about It T" 'Yes,'
suy 1. 'I hcurd tbem talking about It,
but I saw It On your way.'" Cin
cinnati Enquirer.
Look to Yourself.
Tbero In an Idea abroad among moral
people that tbey should make their
neighbors good. One person I have to
make good myself. But my duty to
my neighbor Is much more nearly ex
pressed by saying that I have to make
blm happy If I may. Stevenson.
The Rotort Courtaous.
An Irishman was oue day looking at
the notice, "Your King and Country
Need You." A delicate looking Eng
lishman happened to be passing by
and, thinking to haro a Joke at Pat's
expense, started the following:.
Englishman Well, Pnt. will you vol
untecr for the front?
Irishman Hcgob, I will If you come.
Englishman Why do you want me
with you?
Irishman Sure, when the kaiser
aees you be will look for peace. He'll 1
tbtuk the British are rising from the
dead. St. Louis Globe-Democrat
A Vlcaragol J attar.
Bishop Sidney C Partridge of Mis
souri recounts an amusing Incident that
occurred when he wus an Eplscopul
missionary at Canton. China. Invited to
visit the palace of the viceroy, the
churchman was shown Into the recep
tion bnll and requested to wait patient
ly while an nlniond eyed attendant
SOME SPECIALS
"I BXABD TIU BOBTUt OF BILK."
went to tell another attendant to In
struct still another to Inform the vice
roy of his presence.
"I looked around the ball and finally
discovered a beautiful modern piano
over tu one corner. Now, I can't play,
hut I llko tn trv when nobody la near.
Rn I sat down on tho stool and began
picking out "Home, Sweet Home," j
Wim ono nuger. w uiiu iuui cububuu j
I board the rustle or biik Deuiua me
and turned In confusion to confront his
excellency smiling In the doorway.
The viceroy niude a low bow and with
grave politeness paid:
"Oh, grout American, thnt does with
one hand what It takes a poor Chinese
gentleman's both bauds to dol'"-Bos-Jon
Globe.
FOR $1 DAY
Triangular Polish Mop and 1 qt. of polish ; 3 qt. Cov
ered Aluminum Kettle: 4 qt. Preserving Aluminum
Kettle; 3 qt. and y2 qt Aluminum Lipped Sauce Pan,
together; Cotton Linter Child's Crib Mattress; Child's
Express Wagon; Good Pacific Oak Dining Chair;
Solid Oak Tabourette; Child's High Chair, Rocker,
Nursery Chair or Straight Chair ; Stove Boards, 26x32
or 28x28; Clothes Drier; 16x20 Picture Frame; 5 lengths
best 15c grade Stove Pipe, 2 Elbows, Damper and Col
lar; $1 Discount on each $10 Purchase of any goods in
store, not listed above.
UNDERTAKING
FURNITURE
St. Helens Improvement Company
. HEWITT BUILDING
See ms before investing. We
will treat you right. We are
home people and work for the
best interests of St. Helens and
Columbia county.
Handle Real Estate, Fire Insurance and Rentals
AU Buses Call at Hotel
Courteous Treatment
STOP AT
ORCADIA HOTEL
Chicken Dinner
Sunday 35c
THOS. ISBlSTEIt, Prop.
RATES $1.00 PER DAY AND CP.
Special Rates to Regular Boarders.
In order to place the St. Helens Mist in every
household, we join in with the procession and
will offer the Mist on Dollar Day, Friday, No
vember 12, for $1.00. This offer applies for that
day and date only, not the day before or the day
after.
Subscribers at a distance should remit on
that date, no difference how far distant so remit
tance bears that date.
Those who are in arr ears on subscription can
settle up on the $1 basis. Ten years is the limit
that may be paid on a single subscription.
It is to be hoped that every subscriber will
take advantage of this opportunity, no matter
whether you are paid ahead or not, add another
year or two anyhow. Inform your neighbor that
this is the time to get his home paper for only $1.-
Send a year's subscription to your absent
friend, who will not only appreciate news from
the old home, but will think of you every week.
Address all communications and remittances
to ST. HELENS MIST, St. Helens, Oregon.