Commentary
Oregon Daily Emerald
Thesday, October 4, 2005
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■ In my opinion
My girlfriend’s nutrition tips
Samuel L. Jackson has a great line
at the beginning of “Pulp Fiction,”
where he says, “My girlfriend’s a
vegetarian, which more or less
makes me a vegetarian, but I sure
love the taste of a good burger. ” My
girlfriend isn’t a vegetarian, but she
does love to eat right. As a result, I’ve
been eating healthful food for longer
than I care to remember.
I’m glad about it, though. I feel
better when I’m eating sensible por
tions of nutritious foods. I have
much more energy and concentra
tion, which I use to concentrate on
how good half a box of Oreos would
taste right about now. However, as
someone who has used Doritos as a
cure for writer’s block my entire
adult life, eating right does have
some negative impacts on my work.
In all seriousness, though, I’m
glad I have my girlfriend by my side
to guide me through the wild and
woolly world of eating right be
cause I couldn’t do it without her,
literally. Who can keep track of
what’s supposedly healthy these
days? When I was growing up, we
were told that bacon would kill us
and we should eat more bread than
anything else throughout the day.
Then I hear that bacon will add
years to my life and 1 shouldn’t eat
any bread at all. But that’s just the
tip of the food pyramid.
After all the salads I’ve scarfed
down, I hear there are certain types
of lettuce that don’t have any nutri
tional value. I didn’t even know there
were different types of lettuce. And
celery apparently doesn’t do your
body any good either. Drink lots of
milk, but not when you’re sick. Eat
bananas, but not too many. Take a
multivitamin, but only every other
Wednesday and not the ones with
GABE BRADLEY
THE WRITING ON THE WALL
too much vitamin E. Also remember,
I before E except after C.
For crying out loud in the cold,
wet rain! What’s going on here? I
don’t understand how anybody can
keep track of what we’re supposed to
eat. When my girlfriend and I go
shopping, she’s a pro. She adeptly
flips over cans and bags to scan the
labels and actually understands what
she’s reading.
Slowly but surely, I’m learning
too. Not because I understand any
thing about nutrition, but because
I’m being conditioned the same way
chimps are taught sign language. I’ve
learned what types of bread I can put
in the cart without getting punished.
I think it has something to do with
fiber, but I’m not sure.
Here at the University, I’m study
ing economics and philosophy.
Both of these fields basically deal
with figuring out that anything any
body tells you is just totally made
up. As such, I’m way too cynical to
wade through the avalanche of mis
information out there in order to
find out how our bodies work and
what kind of fuel they really need.
I do know, however, that when I eat
what my girlfriend tells me to, I
have energy and feel good.
Is it emasculating to be so totally
reliant on another person for my ba
sic nutritional needs? You better be
lieve it is. Have you ever seen a
grown man being coaxed into eating
his vegetables through the “here
comes the airplane” method? That’s
emasculating. Also, every night
when I come home I have to check
myself for crumbs and brush my
teeth, so she doesn’t find out that I
eat a monster cookie every day, not
every couple of days like I tell her. It’s
like having an affair with a baked
good (emphasis on the “good”).
Having said that, I recently had an
experience where I learned the bene
fit of a healthy diet. My girlfriend
was just minding her business,
singing some songs, when a big,
burly sailor came by and started
charming her. I got upset about this
and tried to charm her back. But not
only was this fellow much more
physically intimidating than I am, he
was also much more charming. It
looked like my girlfriend was about
to run off with this sailor, until he
started trying to take advantage of
her. I attempted to stop him through
use of force, but he beat me up and
tied me into a pretzel. Luckily, I was
able to suck a can of spinach through
my corncob pipe. After that, it was a
simple matter to decimate the brute
in unarmed combat and sail off into
the distance with my girlfriend
swooning in my ridiculously en
larged forearms.
Or maybe that was something I
saw on TV once. I can’t remember.
The point is, nutrition is too damn
confusing. So I’m just going to eat
what my girlfriend tells me. And if
we ever break up, I’ll just end up eat
ing what my other girlfriends Wendy,
Shari and Izzy tell me to eat.
gbradley@dailYemerald.com
INBOX
Peter Sorenson shows he
is incapable of sensitivity
I was appalled upon reading in
last Wednesday’s paper that Oregon
gubernatorial candidate Pete Soren
son would ask Governor Ted Kulon
goski to direct the Oregon Lottery
into prohibiting the use of the fed
eral disaster relief checks for gam
bling purposes (ODE Sept. 28,
“Governor’s challenger urges
gambling ban”).
I question Sorenson’s motivation,
and feel his actions display a pro
found thoughtlessness and insensi
tivity for victims of Hurricane Kat
rina, a national tragedy.
As Ellen Cedergreen, founder of
Eugene Cares, an organization pro
viding assistance to hurricane vic
tims in Lane County, indicated in
the news brief: “The majority of
people I’ve met are just looking to
get back on their feet...They’re not
spending their money on anything
other than trying to survive."
Sorenson should apologize, not
only to hurricane victims, but to his
Oregon constituency as well. Soren
son’s sentiments are misplaced,
and he is obviously incapable of
displaying the regard and sensitivi
ty inherent to the position that
he seeks.
Adam Howard
University Graduate Student
Gates' presentation
leaves much desired
I went to the University Convoca
tion on Sunday to hear Sylvester
James Gates Jr. speak about string
theory. It was a disappointing pres
entation. There were two things
that were disappointing: 1) Gates
didn’t spend more time speaking
about his area of expertise, and 2)
Gates spent too much time speak
ing about something he apparently
has not researched.
Gates implied that the percentage
of scientists who believe in intelli
gent design is about the same as the
percentage of ordinary people, of
the general public, who believe in
the flat earth. This is not accurate.
Naiure, a scientific journal, report
ed in 1998 that there are a number
of scientists that believe in intelli
gent design. Additionally, Nature
reported that between 35 and 40
percent of scientists believe in a
God that communicates to people.
I do, however, agree with Gates’
opinion that it is certainly time for
the scientific community to openly
debate the intelligent design theory.
Brian Michaels
Science teacher, Springfield
Journalism ethics
is addressed incorrectly
Bivins got a deserved honor
when he made a State Department
speaking tour of Jamaica last sum
mer (ODE Sept. 29, “Journalism
teacher returns from lecturing in Ja
maica”). But the meaning of his trip
was spoiled when journalism
dean Tim Gleason overstepped
himself again, saying Bivins’ invita
tion “reflected his expertise in
journalism ethics.”
Tom likely has expertise in the
area, but it is meaningless when he
joins the dean in hypocritically ad
dressing journalism ethics at a
school that awards degrees to stu
dents majoring in something far
from journalism: public relations.
George Beres
Eugene
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■ Editorial
Protesting
not a valid
substitute
for classes
Graduate student Brian Bogart is spending a lot
of time outside Johnson Hall lately — about five
hours a day. He’s protesting the government’s
military priorities and military funding of
University research.
Bogart, who created his own interdisciplinary
peace studies graduate program, has repeatedly
announced that he “will refuse to study inside the
classroom of any school that sells itself to war.”
He has kept his word. Bogart has yet to attend
Political Science 540, his only class this term.
And he’s getting credit for it.
The Emerald commends Bogart for voicing his
opinion and demonstrating his strong feelings
against military research. Yet it’s ludicrous that
Bogart receives academic credit for protesting the
University he attends.
Instead of earning 35 percent of his Causes and
Prevention of War grade through in-class participa
tion, Bogart has arranged with his instructor, assis
tant professor Jane Cramer, to write a longer re
search paper. Bogart and Cramer argue that Bogart
has more knowledge about the subject than his
classmates and thus shouldn’t have to complete
assigned readings or attend class.
Using this reasoning, many students who have
completed internships or have other “real world”
experience in their fields of study should be ex
cused from classes.
Further, protesting is a political act, one that oi
ten involves personal sacrifice. Although Bogart is
clearly well-intentioned, it seems slightly hypocrit
ical that he pays tuition to protest.
Granted, he is trying to change the University’s
fundamental priorities. But doesn’t giving money
to the University ultimately make him another cog
in system he believes has misplaced priorities?
We can’t blame Bogart for protesting for credit;
no student in his or her right mind would pass up
an opportunity to earn four credits for sitting out
side for hours each day. The real problem is that
Cramer allows his protest.
We strongly support academic freedom and giv
ing students leeway to pursue their interests. Yet in
the interest of fairness, work done for academic
credit should meet certain standards applicable to
all students.
Even murkier than the logic behind awarding
Bogart grades for striking is the status of military
funding on campus. Clearly, programs such as
ONAMI and the Brain, Biology and Machine Initia
tive receive funding from agencies with ties to
the military.
Bogart’s assertion that government, and by ex
tension the University, must turn its focus away
from the military is a lofty ideal. Realistically, a dis
tinction must be drawn between military research
and weapons research.
Research funded by military agencies has led to
scientific breakthroughs with peaceful applica
tions. Yet there is always a possibility that
innovations can be used as weapons.
University officials claim no weapons research
is being conducted here, and we sincerely hope
this is true. We must also urge administrators to be
fully candid about all military-related research
that’s underway.
Students deserve to know what their school is
up to. And if they deem it necessary to strike
against the University, it shouldn’t reward them
with credit for that protest.
EDITORIAL BOARD
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