Oregon Daily Emerald
Monday, June 6, 2005
“Life itself is a quotation.
Jorge Luis Borges | Writer
SUMMER MOVIE GUIDE
BY RYAN NYBURG
PULSE EDITOR
It's time for another wonderful, funderful sum
mer of movie excitement, when the stars come
out, the audiences weep for joy and the critics
offerto perform sexual favors on studio execu
tives just to express their joy over the sheer fan
tastitude of it all. So let's pop a few more happy
pills, mix another Benzedrine mocha and take a
look at this summer's theater offerings.
On June 10, one of the mosttalked-about
celebrity romances of the minute comes to the big
screen in "Mr. and Mrs. Smith," which stars possi
ble pelvic polka partners Brad Pitt and Angelina
Jolie. Legions of Jennifer Aniston fans, their brains
awash in the blinding glow of superficiality, are al
ready planning to boycott the film. Futile wastes of
energy aside, the film apparently features one of
the most brilliant plot twists to come out of Holly
wood in ages (get this, there is this married couple
and they're both leading secret lives as assassins)
and, more substantially, depicts Pitt riding a tricy
cle while firing a machine gun. Big budget enter
tainment doesn't get any better than that.
June 17 brings us to the pinnacle of all hu
| man endeavor with the release of the "Bat
man" prequel, "Batman Begins." The film
stars Christian Bale as the dark crusader
1 against evil. Bale, who played a piece of
cardboard in "Reign of Fire," is best known
for playing a serial killer who devours hu
man flesh in "American Psycho." So we
know he's got a range.
[ Pedophiles of the world will rejoice
on June 24 with the release of Disney's
I "Herbie: Fully Loaded," in which the
fully loaded Lindsay "Holy Statutory" Lohan stars
alongside a Volkswagen bug that races in a
NASCAR race. Good, wholesome corporate syn
ergy forthe kiddies. Speaking of brainless zombies
walking across the big screen, the 24th also brings
us "Land of the Dead," the fourth installment in
George Romero's "Night of the Living Dead" se
ries. It stars both Dennis Hopper and Asia Argento
(yummy) and promises to be the single greatest
thing in the history of human existence.
July 1 brings the biggest movie of the summer,
Steven Spielberg's "War of the Worlds." It stars
that whacked out, twice divorced Scientologist
(the one who's currently banging a woman 16
years his junior) as outstanding father figure. It
also stars some awfully expensive special effects.
July 8 heralds the release of "Fantastic Four,"
in which Tim Story brings all the directorial power
he displayed in 2004's Jimmy Fallon/Queen Latifah
vehicle "Taxi" to bear on a comic book no one has
cared about for approximately 40 years.
Prepare to revel in the magic of childhood as Tim
Burton brings "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory"
to the screen July 15. The film promises to stick
close to the source material, which means it will be
a delightful morality tale for children, teaching them
that if they misbehave they will be devoured by
squirrels. In a brilliant casting move, it stars Johnny
Depp as a lunatic who wears bizarre outfits.
July 22 bring s the release of Michael Bay's lat
est opus, some piece of crap about clones, as
well as Richard Linklater's latest, a remake of
"Bad News Bears" that will star Billy Bob Thorton
as a lovable, drunken child abuser.
ryannyburg@dailyemerald.com
. maA J
■ In my opinion
AMY LICHTY
POP ROCKS
Tom & Katie ‘cruise’
onto couple radar
Because I'm a gossip fiend, my friends always
come to me when they need their daily fix of
celebrity dirt, and I'm always prepared to shell it
out. Lately, the hottesttopic is: Whatthe hell is up
with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes? They have
been everywhere since jetting on to the couple
radar less than two months ago, and the rumors
LICHTY, page 10A
PULSEMUSIC PULSEMUSIC
This being the last issue of the 2004-2005 school year,
the Pulse Desk (in the form of its intrepid editor) has de
cided to round up some of the best CDs of the past 10
months. Not all of them were reviewed in these pages,
but let's just pretend they were for the moment
The Blood Brothers, "Crimes." Scathing post-punk fe
rocity from some Seattle-based surrealists. What could
be better?
The Futureheads, "The Futureheads." Define "angu
lar" in the musical sense, add cool harmonies and a
catchy song writing.
"Moody Bluegrass: A Nashville Tribute to the Moody
Blues." What could have been a cheesy stocking stuffer
is instead a groovy collection of catchy songs and one
of the best country albums of the year.
Green Day, "American Idiot" Nineties wonder boys
make a play for cultural relevance and craft a great
album. Whodda thunk it?
The Cloud Room, "The Cloud Room." Wicked catchy
opening track backed by solid pop rock glory. And you
haven’t heard of it
The Stereophonies, "Language. Sex. Violence. Oth
er?" Pure groovy rock 'n' roll from this British group.
The Mars Volta, "Frances the Mute." Twisted, Latin
tinged prog rockers of the world unite!
Bloc Party, "Silent Alarm." Dance rock indie band
goes all U2 anthemic. And the peasants rejoice.
"World Psychedelic Classics Vol. 3: Love's A Real
Thing." West African psychedelic rock of the late 1960s
and early 1970s collected on one of the sweetest compi
lations of the year.
Spoon, "Gimmie Fiction." Smart, well-crafted rock
from one of the most consistently good bands out there.
— Ryan Nyburg
MUSIC
s m t w th f s
Thursday
Built to Spill
Wow hall
9 p.m., $15 advance,
$17 atthedoor
Rock
Friday
JC Rico & Zulu Dragon
Luna
9:30 p.m., $6
Chicago style blues
Saturday
Yelstin CD release party
Sam Bond's Garage
9:30 p.m., $5
Rock
Sunday
Kung Fu Karaoke
Diablo's
10 p.m., Free
Karaoke and
kung fu movies
TOP 5 MOVIES
1: "Madagascar"
2: "The Longest Yard"
3: "Star Wars: Episode
III-ROTS"
4: "Cinderella Man"
5: "Sisterhood of the
Traveling Pants"
NEWYORKTIMES
BEST-SELLERS
1: James Patterson,
Maxine Paetro
"4th of July"
2: Nicholas Sparks,
"True Believer"
3: Michael Connelly,
"The Closer"
4: Dean Koontz,
"Velocity"
5: John Sandford,
"Broken Prey"
BILLBOARDTOP 5
1: Audioslave,
"Out of Exile"
2: Common,
"Be"
3:Mariah Carey,
"The Emancipation of
Mimi"
4: System of a Down,
"Mezmerize"
5: Toby Kieth,
"Honkytonk University"