Commentary
Oregon Daily Emerald
Monday, Jane 6, 2005
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■ In my opinion
Fiction TRUMPS reality
“Perhaps when you submit an arti
cle that isn’t written in crayon, some
one will take your liberal rantings seri
ously. Until then, drink a glass of milk
before bedtime and don’t forget to
snuggle-wuggle with your teddy
bear." — Reader mail.
Well, it’s been a hectic year. I’ve
been Drudge’d, Commentator’ed and
interviewed for national radio, and all
1 can say is that being a political
columnist is both more difficult and
more rewarding than I imagined,
though I do have a permanent con
cussion from banging my head on the
desk when brilliant satire metamor
phoses into toe-stubbing stupidity as
soon as it hits the page. If you want to
endure more of it, interested parties
can peruse my blog (basilthekiller
sheep.bIogspot.com) in which you
can learn about the nation of Togo,
read about the Department of Educa
tion’s proposed database and sign a
petition urging Attorney General Al
berto Gonzales to charge Michael
Moore with treason.
Because this is my last column for
the Emerald for a while, I’d like to say
thanks for all the reader mail. I didn’t
usually have time to respond, but I en
joyed the plethora of compliments and
death threats. I’d also like to thank my
brave editors and copy editors who
waded through labyrinthine phrases,
enduring my fetish for alliteration with
admirable stoicism. Without them, my
readers would think that “justicescalia”
was a skin disease.
That said, I offer my last ODE rant
JENNIFER MCBRIDE
QUASHING DISSENT
of the year:
The proliferation of reality television
is the Eighth Deadly Plague. I’m not
quite sure what audience to which
“Kept” (a British woman’s attempts to
domesticate American males) and
male “Strip Search” (fairly self-ex
planatory) are supposed to appeal, but
I have the feeling that nobody would be
crass enough to produce these pro
grams if the participants’ sexes were re
versed. Equality of gender was never
about reducing men to objects. The
tasteless “Playing It Straight” was can
celed due to lack of ratings, proving
once again that the remote is power.
Hopefully, these shows will make even
VHl’s audience vomit, and the series
will die unlamented.
Another interesting aspect of gen
der and “reality” shows is the recent
spate of nerd-dating. “Average Joe”
and “Beauty and the Geek” are both
attempts to shatter the myth that
dorks don’t date models. These shows
supposedly prove to men that they’do
have a shot with the women of their
wet dreams, but where’s the equity?
Where are the shows promising nerdy
women their fantasy hunk? My theory
is that, subliminally, society can ac
cept attractive women falling for
smart men, but an attractive man
falling for a woman with coke-bottle
glasses? That’s absurd!
Since the summer TV lineup seems
less than appetizing, I suggest that all
people of intellectual caliber do the
unthinkable and read a book. Being a
proud gamer girl of geeky propor
tions, I have a preference for science
fiction and fantasy. Recent spines I’ve
cracked include:
“Snow Crash,” Neal Stephenson:
Who couldn’t love a book starring
someone named “Hiro Protagonist”?
TVacing a deadly computer virus isn’t
all fun and games for this Web samu
rai. My favorite character is a skate
boarding pizza delivery girl with a
mechanism that, if ever invented, will
put an end to rape.
“Tigana,” Guy Gavriel Kay: One of
my favorite books, “Tigana” mixes
the best of sword and sorcery and po
litical thrillers with the subtly of vod
ka and cran. Kay follows a band of
guerilla warriors attempting to over
throw tyrants in a land rife with poi
sonous nationalism.
That said, I think the best thing we
can take away from modern media is
that it’s too easy to dive into the su
perficial. With critical hearts and open
minds, we can all build reach above
and beyond flashy stupidity.
See you online, unless, of course,
the Secret Service gets me...
iennifermcbride@dailyemerald.com
■ Letters to and about the late Joel Meyer
Joel, I’ll never forget the constant
wrestling matches against Taylor, the
late-night games of “Halo,” the pre
cise and ever-changing placement of
our living room furniture, and I’ll nev
er forget the positive presence you
brought to our house. It’s not good
bye; it’s I’ll see you later. — Your
friend and roommate, Sean B.
When I think of Joel I feel so safe. I
knew he would take care of anything
for me whenever I needed it. He
would drop anything, at any second,
and be there — armed and ready. He
always noticed the little things that no
one else would mention and knew
how to make me feel so special. I was
so proud to know Joel and be his
good friend. He knew so many people
and always made them feel individu
ally special. I was proud to walk into a
room with Joel and see everyone look
at him with excitement in their eyes.
He had this charisma about him that
no one could match; I knew he would
be somebody someday. I always pic
tured him on SportsCenter as a broad
caster. — With love, Megan Gilgen
Joel, your beautiful smile will stay
in my heart forever. Your spirit, charis
ma and charm have touched my life,
and everyone else who has had the
pleasure of knowing you. I admire
you in so many ways and want to
thank you for inspiring me and teach
ing me so much about myself. I feel
incredibly blessed that you were in
my life. Joel ... who’s going to flirt
with me and tell me I’m special now?
Your eyes, your walk, your laugh,
everything about you will be with me
always. I miss you and will love you
forever. — Yuki Tanaka
Joel, I am having trouble finding
the right words to tell you what an im
pact you have had on my life. Had I
not met you, my life would never
have been filled with as much laugh
ter and as many smiles as it has been.
I don’t know if I told you that enough.
Your personality was so infectious,
everyone who knew you loved you. I
am one of them. I know that heaven
is a brighter place because you are
there. Not a day will go by when I will
not think of you. I will miss you for
ever. I love you, more than you ever
knew, and I will never stop.
— Shannon Ross
Joel, you are one of the brightest,
most charming, inspirational people I
ever knew. You always knew how to
put a smile on my face even when I
was at my lowest. Now that you are
not here, I know that you are still
shining on all of us, helping us get
through this. I still remember the last
moments of your life, genuine and
caring as ever. I love you and will miss
you until we meet again... — Love
you J, Megan Tlirnell
Joel, you were a great friend and
one that can never be equaled. I will
never meet someone like you again;
you are a one-of-a-kind man. You just
always put a smile on everyone’s face,
and were always so positive. I just
wish you could know that some of the
best times I will remember were times
spent with you from our days in Tin
gle Hall up through the last two years.
There are so many good times we
had, and I will never forget any of it;
I’m really going to miss you. I wish
everyone could have a chance to meet
someone like Joel Meyer because I
feel privileged that I was able to know
you and be your friend. I love you,
man, and I’ll always be thinking of
you. — Chris Soles
My Jolly Joel, you were truly one of
a kind, always smiling and compas
sionate and ready to have a good
time. You knew how to sweet talk our
mothers, and you were such a good
role model for your younger brother.
Your carefree demeanor will be
missed, but know that it will never be
forgotten. — Love you, Krysta Marie
Joel had a gift for creating a special
connection with everyone in his life.
He was a person of a million charac
ters, a million stories to share, jokes to
tell and could always come up with a#
facial expression or shoulder shrug to
make you laugh. I can never thank
him enough for the confidence and
insight he exuded. I was always proud
to introduce Joel to people. I knew
they would like him and I felt honored
to bring such a wonderful person into
someone else’s life. I’m sure Joel
knows 10 times as many people as I
do on this campus and didn’t need to
know anyone else, but I didn’t care; I
knew he had a big enough heart to fit
them into. I’m sure he made each of
them feel just as special as he made
me feel. — Haley Harris
■ Out loud
“Do you pay incidental fees at the Univ. of
Oregon? If so, your money just paid for six peo
ple to sleep here for two nights. We got drunk,
played taboo, and learned about the finance
system, all on your dime. We are some cocky,
smooth, motherfuckers.”
— A note written in the guest book of one of
the houses rented by ASUO members on an
Oct. 8-10 finance retreat to Sunriver.
“She was just a part of our lives every day. It
was great that people just let her be there and
just sort of accepted her.”
— University student and bookstore employ
ee Emily Rogers remembering community
member Victoria “Hatoon” Adkins, who lived
on the comer of East 13th Avenue and Kincaid
Street and was killed in an accident in February.
“A black student was telling a story and the
professor said, ‘That’s not the perspective we’re
looking for right now. It doesn’t have any bear
ing to what we’re talking about.’”
— A College of Education graduate student,
who asked not to be identified, during a May
rally, which sought to shed light on allegations
of discrimination within the COE.
“It really shuts down that idea of diversity be
cause it’s not letting a group of people have a
voice in a classroom setting just because of
their skin color.”
— University senior Melissa Hanks, who
filed a complaint in May with the U.S. Depart
ment of Education’s Office for Civil Rights
against the University Office of Multicultural
Academic Support’s policy that reserves regis
tration for several classes for minority students.
“This is the biggest crisis Lane Transit has
been in, ever.”
— Carol Allred, executive board officer for
the Amalgamated TVansit Union Division 757
and LTD driver on Feb. 25 in reference to the
impending drivers’ strike.
“He was like a person in everyone’s family ...
to see a family member pass is about what it’s
like to see the pope die. ”
— Justin Schneider, senior, mourning the
death of Pope John Paul II.
“We, the students, faculty and administrators
of the University of Oregon, believe that the
Programs Finance Committee’s recent decision
to reject The Commentator’s mission state
ment, and thus deny their eligibility for student
fee funding is wrong ... it implicates the free
speech rights of all students.”
— A February statement issued by student
leaders and faculty members, condemning the
PFC’s decision to stop funding the Oregon
Commentator.
“I don’t support this part of the branch of stu
dent government anymore ... I think it’s obvi
ous that our money is going to hateful speech
... You guys are sleeping with the devil.”
— Former PFC Senator Mason Quiroz.
Then-ASUO senator Toby Hill-Meyer
approached Quiroz about statements published
in the Commentator that made Hill-Meyer feel
unsafe, on account of the senator’s transgender
identity.
“That is a fucking landslide.”
— ASUO President Adam Walsh, after
learning that his ticket won by 317 votes.
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