Coffee: EMU has several stops for addicts
Continued from page 5
their protractors steady for a couple
more hours. The seats are plastic
patio chairs, and the tables are
covered in clear hard plastic, which
is conducive to both draft work and
late-night human sacrifices to
Gordo, the powerful and vengeful
god of blueprints.
Interesting coffee fact: Did you
know that tea causes rectal can
cer? (This fact broughtto you by
the National Board of Coffee
Bean Growers.)
Speaking of cancer-causing
agents, let's move on to the science
buildings and the Atrium Cafe in the
lobby of Willamette Hall. The small
coffee stand sits in the vast open
space that is this section of the Uni
versity. It's a nice place to stop for a
quick cup and a snack, provided you
don't mind the overwhelming sense
of insignificance the building im
bues upon all who walk through its
hallowed halls. The massive echo
chamber will magnify every dropped
pencil and every squeaky shoe
across the cavernous space, end
lessly amplifying your mistakes
and deficits.
Interesting coffee fact: Did you
know that Balzac died of a caffeine
overdose? (This fact brought to you
by the Institute for the Study of
Stuffy Old French Naturalists.)
Speaking of pathetic insignifi
cance, let's move off into Dormland
and the Common Grounds cafe (an
other clever coffee shop name!
Yippee!), on the ground floor of the
Hamilton complex. This dorm rat en
clave is the perfect place for upper
classmen to pick up underage dates
without having to go through the le
gal hassles involved with dating high
schoolers. Want to know about the
latest "Dance Dance Revolution"
competition or the upcoming "Buffy
The Vampire Slayer" showing? Then
this is the place for you. It's open
late and the coffee ain't half bad,
provided you don't mind reliving
your ego-shattering, socially inept
dorm experiences while drinking it.
Speaking of something complete
ly unrelated to the last sentence, the
EMU has a couple of nice little stops
for the wandering collegian. The first
is Grateful Bread (Ha! Pun!), which
doesn't actually sell that much bread
but rather a wide selection of gooey,
sugar-and-dough confections. The
other stop is the Buzz (oh, subtle),
which has a nice bit of artsy-fartsy
coffeehouse atmosphere. It's a
place forthose who like open mic
nights and amateur poetry.
Interesting coffee fact: Did you
know that coffee is conducive to
Zen states?
So we didn't quite get through
every coffee stop here on campus,
but I can only handle so much caf
feine before I get so jittery that I
lapse into nonexistence. Happy
stimulant consumption.
ryannyburg@dailyemerald.com
Lichty: Hometown girl 'not that innocent'
Continued from page 5
centerfold of Playboy magazine, es
pecially at 19 years of age, although
she was always a pretty girl. She
just wasn'tthat knock-down, stop
in-your-tracks-to-check-her-out
kind of girl. In fact, her freshman
year picture is shown in her biogra
phy, which is the'Jill I knew, braces
and all.
I wouldn't call us friends, although
we knew each other and said "hi" to
each other in the halls. She liked to
party and that wasn't really my
scene, although we did hang out one
night at a small get-together. There
were just six or seven of us there,
and we were all pretty trashed. Like
normal high school kids, we began
to play a "girls versus boys" game of
strip poker. Now, before you start
getting any kind of ideas in your
head, I'll tell you that none of the
girls got naked. Sorry. No, we kicked
those boys' asses very quickly, and
they were the ones begging for mer
cy. Jill, my friend Megan and I did
not give it to them. That's mainly how
I remember Jill.
Afriendtold me over Christmas
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break that Jill was going to be Miss
March. We couldn't help but laugh.
That never happens to anyone from
our small home town. No, the closest
we got to fame was Jack Wagner,
who played the recurring character
Dr. Peter Burns on "Melrose Place."
But he’s not nearly as scandalous as
Jillian Grace.
Not only is Jill the newest Play
mate, she is also the very first girl to
ever be picked by shock-jock
Howard Stern. Hundreds of girls go
on his show in hopes that he'll send
them on to Hugh Hefner, but before
Jill, it had never happened. Her
mother had written Stern a letter ex
plaining Jill's dream to become a
Playboy bunny, and Stern felt he had
to at least get herto come in. Appar
ently, he was very pleased with what
he saw, calling her "a Playmate in
every sense of the word. Boom!" He
made Jill's dreams come true.
Just last week she was on "The
Howard Stern Show." It was her first
big appearance since her pictorial
had come out, and she was there to
spill the beans on her newly found
fame and fortune. She talked about
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the parties at the Playboy Mansion,
although she was quite aloof and
shy about it all. She did confess that
she watched Hef getting it on with
several of the bunnies, and that
there were wild times she didn't
want to discuss on the air.
She did come clean about the first
celebrity she slept with, however. I
warn you, this is not pretty, so pre
pare yourself: She slept with Pauly
Shore. That's right, Buuuuudddie.
The guy who played Stoney Brown
in "Encino Man." The guy who was
in "Son In Law," "Bio-Dome" and
"A Goofy Movie!" That's right,
readers; Jillian Grace had sex with
Pauly Shore. Take a moment to
compose yourselves.
So, if you'd like to see a naked girl
(who doesn't?) from a tiny little town
in Missouri where I'm sure the ru
mors are flying, check out the March
issue of Playboy. Paris Hilton's on
the cover, but no, she isn't featured
in the magazine. And don't buy Jil
lian Grace's little "country bumpkin"
act. She may be from the country,
but she's not that innocent.
amylichty@dailyemerald.com
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