Movie review
‘Constantine’ masks its arbitrary plot
with meaningless, flashy images
BY RYAN NYBURG
PULSE EDITOR
Sometimes movies can make you
weep, sometimes they can make you
jump and sometimes they can make
you laugh until your sides hurt.
Sometimes they can just make you
sigh as they crush you underthe
awesome weight of their mediocrity.
If you see enough movies, the latter
feeling is, unfortunately, the most
common one.
"Constantine," starring Keanu
Reeves and Rachel Weisz, is an
adaptation of the DC/Vertigo comic
book "Hellblazer," which doesn't
work as a comic book adaptation.
It is also a sort of horror/action film
thatfailsto build any suspense orto
pull together at least one fright.
The film deals with the adventures
of John Constantine, a man who
works as a sort of intermediary be
tween the planes of Earth, Heaven
and Hell, "deporting" demons who
overstep the rules of a balance set
up by God and Satan. With me so
far? The film's metaphysics are mild
ly interesting, but it soon becomes
clearthat nothing interesting is go
ing to be done with them. Instead,
the script turns the ideas of sin and
redemption into nothing but a set of
arbitrary rules that all characters
must follow. Dumbing down religious
ideas into nothing more than super
hero fodder really sucks all the fun
out of them.
The main thrust of the plot has to
do with the spearthat pierced Je
sus' side as he fell into the hands of
the son of the devil, who hopes to
use it to take over Earth. The plot
hardly matters in the context of the
film, which is all about image and
style. Pretty pictures flash before
your eyes and it really doesn't make
any difference what you are looking
at. It's emotionally disconnected.
Lacking too much in the way of origi
nal ideas, it rides a wave of cliches
to make it through to the end. The
performances are entirely uncom
pelling, without a strong role in the
group. Though he's not the worst,
Reeves in particular is noticeably
unremarkable. He simply cannot
build up enough charisma to make
the material work in his favor.
The tone of the film overall is un
successful, taking itself too serious
ly to be camp and not pulling off
enough drama to really be serious.
The characters are sketches rather
than real people. The filmmakers
make the mistake made in too many
comic book adaptations, assuming
that everyone who sees the film
already knows and loves the
characters. They nevertake the
time to really delve into what makes
them tick. The films that work on
their own outside of the comic
book world, such as "Spider-Man 2,"
"Hellboy" and the underrated
"Hulk," create real characters
on the screen, making no
assumptions about what the
audience knows.
The direction of "Constantine" is
probably the biggest problem. This
material has the potential to be
interesting provided it possessed
a little vision. Instead we are given
a first-time director with too much
music video experience. It ends up
being nothing more than perfuncto
ry, an entry on the resume of a future
Hollywood hack. The film ends up
being just flashy enough to be
diverting — no small change in
this otherwise drab cinema season
— but it's all empty calories and
meaningless style.
ryannyburg@dailyemerald.com
Lichty: Appeal rooted in looks, money
Continued from page 5
Simpson or her kid sister, Ashlee. I've
never understood how either of them
have any sort of appeal, both in looks
and in song. Jessica, for instance,
was a singer before "Newlyweds."
How many people had heard of her?
I think maybe 17. But then an MTV
show came along and thrusted her
into the spotlight. What is Jessica's
draw? She's stupid. What a way to
make millions of dollars — by ex
ploiting how completely brainless
she is. That's not talent. But hey, at
least Jessica doesn't lip sync (al
though I would advise her not to sing
at all), unlike...
The younger Simpson. Ashlee had
really good potential to be the anti
Jessica, with her dark locks and
slightly prettier voice, but she blew it
early on. After Ashlee's October
stunt on "Saturday Night Live," she
should have been kicked out of the
music business. There's no talent in
mouthing words to a bad song. And to
make matters even worse, she never
took responsibility for her actions.
Ashlee told Us Weekly: "I grew up
in a family that loves each other, so
you just don't realize how cruel and
critical people can be when you've
done nothing wrong." Sad to say,
many youngsters in "the business"
don't view lip-synching as wrong, but
it is. Watching the Grammys this year,
I was blown away by the skills of Ali
cia Keys. She has true talent and was
obviously singing live, but it's some
thing she shouldn't have to be ap
plauded for — it's just the way things
should be. But Ashlee isn'tthe only
lip-syncher on the teen scene ...
Lindsay Lohan's appearance on
"Good Morning America," just weeks
after Ashlee's stinky stint on "SNL,"
was overshadowed by viewers' com
plaints that Lohan was obviously not
singing live. One viewer said she did
"a woeful job of lip-synching her way
through two mind-numbingly generic
Britney Spears/Ashlee Simpson cast
offs," adding, "She looked like she
hadn't even bothered to learn the
songs properly."
On the acting front, "Mean Girls"
did well for Lohan's career, but how
hard was that role? Look at Scarlett
Johansson. Just two years Lohan's
senior, Johansson is already getting
nominated for countless awards,
proving that being young doesn't
mean good roles aren't out there, al
though I'm sure it has a lotto do with
Johansson's much better acting
skills. Like Lohan, anothertalentless
"actress" choosing horribly bad
roles is...
Paris Hilton — she epitomizes the
no-talent crowd of famous folks.
Sure, she lists her skills as acting
(urn ... "The Simple Life" isn't acting
and neither is having sex on cam
era), singing (although she's better
known for the feud with Hilary Duff's
older sister, Haylie, about who gets
to release the song "Screwed,"
which they both recorded) and —
here's where the real talent comes
in — modeling. Simply put, Paris is
famous for being famous. She's rich,
she's what some would consider
beautiful and she gets whatever she
wants. Anyone who saw her hosting
"SNL" a few weeks ago could un
derstand she can't play any other
character but herself. Guess what? I
can do that. Whoop-a-dee-do.
It's sad to say there are so many
famous people in pop culture who
are simply famous for being famous.
That doesn't mean there is no talent
in pop culture — Keys and Johans
son aren'tthe only ones who give
the showbiz industry some credit.
But it’s about time that we stopped
celebrating and admiring these peo
ple who are good-looking, rich, but
ultimately ordinary people with ordi
nary talents. But hey, this is just my
opinion. What is it about these peo
ple who have such appeal? E-mail
me and let me know what you think.
amylichty@dailyemerald.com
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