Oregon Daily Emerald
Monday, February 14, 2005
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JEN SUDICK
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NEWS EDITORS
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SENIOR NEWS REPORTERS
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NEWS REPORTERS
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SPORTS EDITOR
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SENIOR SPORTS REPORTER
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PULSE EDITOR
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PULSE REPORTER
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AILEE SLATER
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The Oregon Daily Emerald is pub
lished daily Monday through Fri
day dunng the school year by the
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Co. Inc., at the University of Ore
gon, Eugene, Ore. The Emerald
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Unlawful removal or use of
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Bret Furtwangler | Graphic artist
■ In my opinion
I7-Day Diary
Taking a page from genius essayist
David Sedaris, I present a diary of the
time prior to Valentine’s Day:
I really should avoid a clichd col
umn full of cynicism about Valentine’s
Day. It’s just that that stupid cupid is
staring back at me every way I turn. In
the words of a dear roommate: The
public is so focused on keeping guns
away from children, and yet here we
are promoting an icon of a baby
packing heat.
Today I saw a three-pack of Valen
tine’s Day thongs at American Eagle
Outfitters. Why do you need three
separate thongs in one night? And
don’t give me that crap about wear
ing them year-round. The sales girl
is no help. I was about to ask her
opinion of Valentine’s Day, but I held
off, as she was already on the phone
with security after my interrogation
involving intimate apparel.
Apparently, there is something
called “Sweetest Day,” because one
day to express romantic love is not
enough. Now we need a “Valentine’s
Day: Part Two” in October. You’d
think people in relationships were just
sitting around, twiddling their thumbs
and nervously waiting for the next na
tional greeting-card holiday to roll
around so they can lean over and give
each other a kiss.
Here’s the single male perspective:
apathetic. This particular male friend
_^ ..N/v
AILEE SLATER
FURTHER FROM PERFECTION
of mine doesn’t care a smidgen that
the big V is fast approaching. Then
again, he also doesn’t care about con
suming pizza that has remained un
refrigerated overnight. He’ll be spend
ing his Feb. 14 in an enclosed space
for three hours with his two most
recent crushes.
Do you remember that movie “The
Thiman Show”? I swear, I swear, my
life is just a set-up for a reality TV
show. What else can explain the sud
den surge of ex-boyfriend sightings in
the week leading up to Valentine’s
Day? Some sadistic bastard is appar
ently executive director of my life.
I tried to research the history of
Valentine’s Day. It proved an ardu
ous task, as there is apparently no
consensus on any plausible reason
why it even exists. Was Valentine a
prisoner in love with the jailer’s
daughter? A priest who married
lovers in secret? Groundhog Day:
There’s a worthwhile holiday with a
simple history.
How about we just re-christen
Valentine’s Day: “I’m Single So Let’s
Get High Day. ”
Last week, the Vermont Teddy
Bear Company introduced the Crazy
For You Bear. It’s a teddy in a strait
jacket. If Valentine’s Day has come to
the point where stuffed animals are
manufactured to look like mental pa
tients, perhaps there is a larger point
we should be looking at here. Also,
why stop at a straitjacket? I’m per
sonally holding out for Electroshock
Therapy Bear. His eyes don’t just
light up because of the electricity
passing through his brain; they light
up because he loves you!
My taken friend swears that Valen
tine’s Day is actually worse for peo
ple in relationships than for singles.
She says expecting everything the
media promise and getting an “Oh
shit, it’s what day?” is worse than
singledom. I’d say that at least in
that situation, there’s a flesh-and
blood companion there with you.
Sure, you might spend the night
standing around a local Skate World
and slapping your flesh-and-blood
companion in the face, but at least
there’s somebody there feeling your
frustrated fist.
My analysis is falling on an empty
room. My friend has moved onto the
couch and is engaging in some
significant necking.
aileeslater@dailyemerald. com
INBOX
Nothing's conservative for
regressive Republicans
In modern political parlance, the
term “progressive” is heir-apparent
to the term “liberal.” This is a result
of the word “liberal” having been
so badly crucified by Republicans
as to be beyond resurrection in
our lifetimes.
My fellow Democrats, let’s turn the
tables. There is nothing “conservative”
about launching wars of choice on lit
tle more than a hunch and a grudge.
There is nothing “conservative” about
running record federal deficits and
burdening our children with what
amounts to a birth tax. There is noth
ing “conservative” about a largely Re
publican corporate culture that is pol
luting our earth and the minds of our
children while paying little taxes and
sending our jobs overseas. There is
nothing “conservative” about selling
out our future in hopes that God will
someday sort things out.
Let’s start calling it like it is. More
and more, Republicans are not “con
servative,” they are “regressive.” The
true “conservatives,” honest and
civil and fiscally responsible, have
been marginalized within a party of
regressives who control our govern
ment and want our nation to regress
to the days when we didn’t take care
of our elderly, when abortions were
done in the back alley and when
social justice was the dream of a
black reverend.
So with every political conversa
tion, with every letter to the editor,
with every sign at a protest, say it like
it is: “regressives.”
Todd Huffman
Eugene
■ Editorial
Gov. Dean
perfect for
Democratic
leadership
Former Vermont Gov. Howard Dean is the
next leader of the Democratic National Com
mittee, replacing the insipid Terry McAuliffe.
Dean’s dramatic fall from grace and
rocket-like rise to the most senior position in
the Democratic Party is a testament to the
power of his message and the desperation
within the party for someone who can inspire
its base.
Dean, the man who coined the phrase
"Wrong war at the wrong place at the wrong
time,” was a controversial choice to say the
least. The other two Democratic leaders,
House Minority Leader Rep. Nancy Pelosi and
Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid, were
backing conservative Democrat Tim Roemer
for the DNC gig. Roemer is an anti-abortion
defense hawk who believes Democrats lost
the election due to opposition to the war in
Iraq. Both Reid and Pelosi have been pushing
for the Democratic Party to move further
right, especially on defensive and so-called
"values issues,” as a way of staying competi
tive in the so-called “American heartland.”
Dean represents a vastly different agenda.
He stands for liberals’ hope that the Democ
rats will one day be as bold and courageous
of an opposition party as the Republicans
were during the Clinton years. He represents
the hope that Democrats can reach out to this
deeply religious electorate without coming
out against gay marriage and abortion, and
we appreciate his solidification this weekend
of the party’s stances on these traditionally
tough issues:
un aDortion:
“We are the party in favor of allowing
women to make up their own minds about
their health care. ”
And on gay marriage:
“We are the party that has always believed
in equal rights under the law for all people.”
It’s about time this party has a leader who
will openly take a stand and let the United
States know it’s ready to put up a fight.
Dean said this weekend that he is ready to
dive into the most Republican regions of the
country, in which the “red” states greatly out
number the “blue.”
“I’ll pretty much be living in red states in
the South and West for quite a while,” Dean
told reporters. “The way to get people not to
be skeptical about you is to show up and say
what you think.”
This might scare some liberals who remem
ber the Iowa caucus “scream heard ’round the
world,” during his presidential campaign in
January. But Dean is not as extreme left as
some pundits have painted him to be. He is
fiscally conservative, and he has attacked the
current administration for its reckless spend
ing. Dean’s clear, powerful public speaking is
also a welcome change from the bumbling
incoherence of President Bush, the longwind
ed ambiguity of ex-presidential candidate
John Kerry, the senile pointless yarns of
Reid and the pissed-off soccer-mom lectures
of Pelosi.
When he was a presidential front-runner,
Dean proved he could effectively raise money
through grassroots organizing and, most im
portantly, inspire disillusioned young voters
to get excited about the Democratic Party. The
donkeys need that leadership now more than
ever. With Dean at the helm of the DNC, bat
tle lines have been drawn in the fight for the
soul of the Democratic Party. We hope
he wins.