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For better or worse
For one student couple,
marriage is the next logical
step in a lifetime of love
BY CATHERINE RYAN
DAILY EMERALD FREELANCE REPORTER
Dec. 25 was not Rikki Higgins’
typical Christmas. Normally,
the University senior’s family
opens stockings together on Christ
mas morning. This year, the family
decided to skip the tradition, so Hig
gins’ boyfriend, senior Michael Ford,
packed her a stocking.
The two sat in Higgins’ living room
next to the fireplace while she pulled
hair scrunchies, lip gloss and M&M’s
(her favorite candy) out of the red
snowman-embroidered stocking.
She then grabbed a candy cane that
came with an attached diamond en
gagement ring. Ford asked her to
stand, then kneeled and proposed.
“She seemed shocked when she
saw the ring,” Ford said. “She didn’t
know how to comprehend it at first. ”
The two are part of a minority of
engaged and married students on
campus. In addition to worrying
about graduating in June — she in
psychology and he in geography —
they are planning to buy a house and
get married in December.
While they have complete support
from family and friends, the couple
has encountered some negative
reactions to their engagement.
“They say, ‘You’re too young.
Why’d you want to get married, it
hardly ever works out,”’ Higgins said.
The two realize that marriage is a
challenge, so they are attending pre
marital counseling. This is the first
serious relationship for both of them.
Higgins, 21, and Ford, 22, are post
poning their wedding date from Au
gust to December at the urging of
family members.
Ford said he knew he loved Hig
gins and didn’t want to postpone
their union too long.
“God’s telling you that she’s who
you’re going to marry,” Ford said.
“It’s really hard to put something
off like that when you know that’s
who you’re going to be with for the
Rikki Higgins and Michael Ford spend time together over the
The two got engaged on December 25.
Courtesy
holiday break.
rest of your life.”
Ford wasn’t the only one who
knew the two were meant for
each other. His longtime friend,
Higgins’ cousin Matt Gregory, intro
duced the two and saw the spark
between them.
Although he acquainted them, Gre
gory denies his role as matchmaker.
“They’re both the nicest people I
know,” Gregory said. “They were
bound to run into each other.”
Their major disagreement about
the wedding plans was over the alco
hol for their reception. Ford wanted
kegs, but Higgins hoped for mixed
drinks, fearing that kegs would en
courage overindulgence and look
tacky. Doing what couples should
do, they compromised: The kegs will
stay behind the bar, where servers
can pour beer and cocktails.
So what does the happy couple
have planned for Valentine’s Day?
Absolutely nothing.
“I hate Valentine’s Day,” Higgins
said, relating her dislike of the holi
day to the pressure she felt when she
was single.
Even though she now has a partner,
she prefers expressing her feelings on
any regular day.
“It’s more special if you do it on a
day that’s not set aside for that,”
she said.
Despite her aversion to Feb. 14,
Higgins is energetically planning an
other date she’ll celebrate for many
years to come: her wedding day.
She attends bridal shows, looks for
reception venues and has picked a
church for the ceremony. Ford ac
companies her to the shows but
mostly observes, leaving the details
to Higgins.
“All I have to do is show up on that
day and I’ll be fine,” he said. “It’s all
about her that day.”
The University Health Center provides free relationship
therapy sessions for couples at its annual V-Day event
BY EVA SYLWESTER
NEWS REPORTER
One of the cheapest Valentine’s
Day gifts available this year is a
chair — that is, a free hour in
the therapy chair at the University of
Oregon Center for Family Therapy as
part of its third annual Valentine’s
Relationship Checkup.
CFT interns will volunteer from
noon to 8 p.m. on Feb. 12 and 13
giving free therapeutic consulta
tions. The interns are graduate stu
dents in the University’s nationally
accredited Marriage and Family
Therapy program.
CFT Director John Miller said CFT
chose Valentine’s Day as the time for
its relationship checkup service be
cause it’s a “national day when people
come to recognize their relationships
in a happy way. ”
For the relationship checkup,
clients can make an appointment or
just show up. After clients fill out a
few brief forms and decide what they
would like to talk to a therapist
about, a therapist will take them to a
therapy room. Miller emphasized
that the one-hour session does not fo
cus on personality tests.
“Just having a conversation ... di
rected by (the couple) is most
useful,” Miller said.
At the end of the session, thera
pists will discuss the couple’s
strengths and offer follow-up ques
tions for improve
ment, if desired.
Miller said last year
85 percent of clients
at the Valentine’s
—'v wtit oauoucu vji
highly satisfied with their experi
ence, and half of the clients found
their needs were met with one visit.
Therapists gave clients referrals and
advice on other resources in about
10 to 20 percent of cases, Miller said.
“There’s no great expectation that
it’ll be an earth-moving event. It’s not
meant for that. It’s a checkup with a
therapist to see what the next steps
might be,” Miller said.
The event is not confined to
traditional heterosexual couples. Par
ent-child pairs, individuals and gay
and lesbian couples are also welcome.
“We want to open it up to the
LGBT population to come in. That’s
something we want to emphasize
this year,” Miller said, adding that
even couples who already have great
relationships can— and do— often
come to this event.
“We often get couples in a very
proactive state doing things for
the relationship, and it’s encouraging
for the interns,” Miller said.
FOR MORE INFORMATION
Visit the Center for Family Therapy
office at 720 East 13th Ave., Suite
304, or call 346-3296.
me main objec
tive of the event is to
reach out to people
who haven’t been to
therapy before, but
would profit from
uie vices oi an oDjecuve listener.
“Half of the people who would
benefit from counseling services
never come in. It would never cross
their mind to see a therapist. There’s
this great service out there, and
few people take advantage of it. If
they do come, about two-thirds
of the time they will improve,”
Miller said.
evasylwester@ dailyemerald. com