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Friday, January 21, 2005
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■ In my opinion
Boob lUbes & Naked Male Butts
I want to seriously discuss naked male butts for a
minute. Well, I don’t “want” to discuss them, but it is
almost impossible for a social commentator in America
not to, considering the events of the last few weeks.
FOX TV — the channel that recently aired the reality
show “Who’s Your Daddy?” — rejected a Super Bowl
commercial because it featured a brief cameo by Mickey
Rooney’s 84-year-old bare ass. I know what you’re
thinking: What’s the big deal? The less elderly cheek on
television, the better, right? Perhaps.
What is troubling to me is that this censorship had
everything to do with Fox covering its own exposed ass,
still raw from its last Federal Communications Commis
sion spanking of over $1 million in indecency fines. I
guess we know who is FOX’s daddy.
FOX also refused to air a commercial for Joe Boxer
underwear that featured a cowboy riding bareback, if
you know what I mean, until the man’s rear end was
blurred out, according to The Arizona Republic, despite
the fact that the same ad ran on cable TV five years ago
without controversy.
If these were the only examples of FOX’s paranoia,
then we could pay no heed. No harm, no foul. But, as
is usually the case with paranoia, FOX’s self-censorship
quickly went from understandable caution to
insane overreacting.
In a repeat episode of the brilliant and recently uncan
celled animated sitcom “Family Guy,” FOX felt com
pelled to pixelate the naked cartoon butt of Stewie, the
baby. It was a case of No Child’s Behind Left. The same
episode ran on FOX without pixelation four years ago,
in the pre-Janet Jackson era. FOX also pixelated the bare
backside of the father, Peter, in another episode.
Naked male cartoon butts have a long and cherished
history: from the shower flash of George’s nude derriere
on The Jetsons to almost every other Bugs Bunny
episode. In fact, most cartoon animals don’t wear pants.
Even the direct-to-video cartoon Bible stories produced
DAVID JAGERNAUTH
CRITICAL MASS
by Hanna-Barbera show Adam and Eve’s holy rumps.
For us traditionalists, it is sad to see this cartoon staple
under attack.
If you think censoring a cartoon was the most ridicu
lous example of butt-censorship recently, you are obvi
ously not a fan of professional football. After scoring a
touchdown against the Packers in the fourth quarter, the
Vikings’ Randy Moss celebrated by pointing his ass at
the Lambeau Field crowd and pretending to “moon”
them. Play-by-play guy Joe Buck called the pantomime
“a disgusting act,” and said, “It's unfortunate we had it
on our air live. ”
Let me reiterate: Moss pretended to pull his
pants down.
ESPN refused to replay the incident on Sunday, but
reconsidered the decision on Monday. “We decided on a
conservative approach, taking a breath,” said ESPN
spokesman Josh Krulewitz. “In hindsight, we decided
to show it in a conservative manner, based on the story
and its relevance. ”
The operative word there seems to be “conservative.”
Other channels, however, decided on a “crazy as a loon”
approach. Channel 7 in Chicago, for example, aired the
fake mooning but pixelated the entire display. That’s
right. They blurred a completely clothed butt.
So there we have it — the end of the line — a finale so
unfathomable that it is beyond satire. It is one of those
rare moments that break the comedy cliche. This time, it
would be funny if it weren’t true.
Is there a lesson to be learned from this madness?
Probably not. I’ve probably completely wasted your
time. But since I get paid to draw conclusions, let me
offer a couple. One possible lesson is that self-censor
ship is far more devastating and sinister than actual
censorship. I doubt the FCC would have been so
cheeky as to fine FOX for a cartoon fanny. FOX, on the
other hand, could justify it by saying it was just playing
it safe in an unsafe environment. The worse repercus
sion for the station is to be made the butt of a few jokes
(rim-shot, please).
The real lesson in all of this, for me anyway, is that
naked male butts have way too much clout in our socie
ty. How else can we explain Leonardo DiCaprio’s Gold
en Globe for best drama actor? Even DiCaprio admits it.
“That's all it's come down to. My naked butt,” he told
Entertainment Weekly.
Consider the war in Iraq. It wasn’t until Americans
saw the naked male butts of tortured Iraqi prisoners at
Abu Ghraib that the public outrage reached a large
enough pitch to force the government to act.
And consider the current political environment. Dis
tilled to its most basic element, the current culture war
is really all about naked male butts. It is why President
Bush won re-election. Conservatives must feel that re
moving all images of backsides from the media will
somehow help bring about an end to homosexuality.
Thus, they find themselves in the ridiculous position of
condemning cartoon nudity. Meanwhile, those of us on
the other side of the culture war find ourselves in the
equally unenviable position of fighting for the right of
Rooney’s naked butt.
This is a battle where even the winner loses. So I am
calling for a truce. We’ll give you Rooney if you give us
Stewie, and let’s call it a tie.
davidjagemauth@dailyemerald. com
INBOX
ASUO: Please stop playing
around with my money
How the hell are our elected student
leaders “hesitant” to keep the library
open during dead week and finals?
What’s next: student leaders hesitant
to turn the lights on in Lillis? These
leaders waste money on useless
and embarrassing retreats, where they
apparently learn absolutely nothing
about leadership. Houston, we have a
drinking problem.
It’s amazingly depressing to see such
an implosion of responsibility and fiscal
management by people who get paid to
serve the student body. My student fees
are not a play-pen full of money for you
people to toss about as you see fit. How
about taking one of the paychecks you
extract from student fees and, in light of
such inept performance, donate it back
to the school. It’ll be like a little refund to
the students who aren’t getting their
money’s worth from their leaders. Maybe
it could go towards a functioning library
during finals.
George Yioulos
Senior
'Children' stoop to pranks
to express political views
Last November, I was one of the 6 mil
lion plus people of this country who de
cided that President Bush was a better
candidate to lead this country then Mr.
Kerry. I voiced my opinion in several
ways: volunteering at the Lane County
Republicans office, registering people to
vote (either way they voted), and by put
ting many W ’04 stickers on my car. Be
cause of my stickers my car had been spit
on six times, had cigarette burns on por
tions of my car, had my antennae bent in
half and my car keyed twice.
I ask of you “children” who suppos
edly are the ones with the bright ideas
and the “smart” people about the future
of the country, to stop stooping to such
a low and childish manor. If you dis
agree with my position, then so be it. If
you agree with the pompous windbag
Ted Kennedy in thinking that you are
the “real majority,” so be it. Six million
plus do not agree with you, and neither
do I. If you want to hang out by my au
tomobile and discuss politics, I may be
so inclined to do so. I did not agree or
like anything about Mr. Kerry, however,
I never spat, keyed or did anything to
deface any property. You only worsen
your image by committing these das
tardly acts, and you have no right, how
ever upset you are that you lost, to
deface any persons’ property.
Jason C. Shepherd
Eugene
LTD should use its power
for good, not for evil
When I moved from New York City to
Eugene two years ago I was delighted to
discover that the buses here are well
equipped for wheelchair users and can
also transport bicycles. However, there
were many problems with the system for
someone like me. I don’t own a car and
am not able to ride my bicycle year
round. Most of the time I use the bus sys
tem to get around. I have had to adapt
my livelihood due to the limited service
on weekends and evenings. It has not
been easy, but I value energy conserva
tion and protection of the environment.
I hope that during these negotiations
the needs of LTD management,
LTD workers and the public will all be
communicated clearly. If there is a sil
ver lining to the conflict, it is that peo
ple are paying attention. Let’s use the
resulting energy and good will to bring
about beneficial changes. Personally, I
would like to see two things happen:
plans to increase bus service so more
people in Eugene will choose LTD for
their daily transportation and assurance
to LTD workers of viable wages' and
health coverage.
Lynne Schwartz
Eugene
Poetic genius: Anti-Bush
advocates chant literary gold
Chants. I love them. Anybody who
knows anything about me knows that I
love chants. Have you ever seen me not
chanting about something under my
breath? My life is almost like an ongoing
chant show. Chants are awesome. (Yes,
I’m being sarcastic).
So, after the inauguration this morn
ing, I decided to flip the channel from my
beloved FOX News to C-Span 2. What
were they showing? Yes, you guessed it:
chants. Some liberal organization set up
camp in D.C. to protest the inauguration
of President Bush and, let me tell you,
they had some freaking amazing chants.
Here are some of my very favorites:
“Bush, Cheney, what do you say?
How many kids did you kill today?”
(How many kids did you kill today,
pro-abortion liberals?)
“George Bush, you can't hide; we
charge you with genocide!” (Okay, how
about charging Saddam Hussein with
genocide? Can we start there?)
“No justice, no peace! U.S. out of the
Middle East!” (My vote was for getting
the terrorists out of the Middle East ...
wait, what? Bush won the elections?)
“Racist, sexist, anti-gay! Bush, Cheney,
go away!” (Sexist? Does the name Con
doleezza Rice ring a bell? Oh, and she's
also black? Hmmh. Funky.)
These are just a few of the very best
chants from today's anti-inauguration
hoopla. These guys have some amazing
skills, I tell you. I can pretty much guar
antee you that most anything they can fit
to that beat will come out sounding pret
ty amazing. Seriously. I mean, these
chants are so good, I find myself chanting
them under my breath even though I
support the Bush administration. Rock
on, liberals.
Just remember, no matter what you
do, no matter how much you chant, no
matter how many protest parties you
throw, we won. That's it. Today, Jan. 20,
2005, it was made official. Four more
years, baby.
Melissa F. Tticker
Eugene
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