Oregon Daily Emerald
Friday, October 8, 2004
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Supreme Lunacy again
I don’t know Pat Robertson — not
biblically anyhow — but 1 suspect he is
going through a crisis of faith. A year
ago I wrote about Robertson's “prayer
offensive” (“Supreme lunacy,” ODE,
Oct. 9), where he asked God to — and
I’m paraphrasing here — whack one of
the Supreme Court justices.
All nine are still alive. This is after
the members of the High Court legal
ized sodomy! You’d think somebody as
close to God’s ear as Pat Robertson
would have little trouble convincing
Him to break the Sixth Command
ment. But no. Nothing has happened.
And now the curtain is closing on Pres
ident Bush’s chance to install a justice
that will overturn Roe v. Wade.
I can only imagine what is going on
inside Robertson’s head:
Why won’t God answer my hateful
prayers? I thought, at the very least, He
would have struck down Justice Ruth
Ginsberg by now. She’s Jewish. In the
scheme of things, what is one justice’s
life if it means justice for all unborn
lives? Like I’ve said before, God allowed
thousands to die during the terrorist at
tacks of Sept. 11 in order to punish moth
ers who have abortions, sluts like Justice
O’Connor, porno-addicted pervs like that
Negro boy and homosexuals like that
ruggedly handsome Justice John Paul
Stevens. Ahhh, Stevens, with his rock
hard pecks and rock-hard ... no! Evil
thoughts! Evil thoughts! Must get rid of
the evil thoughts ...
Robertson’s lack of pull in Heaven is
our gain here on earth, for we have the
extremely good fortune of watching the
Rehnquist Court preside over yet an
other presidential election. I wonder
how early they will stop the recount
this year. My money is on No
vember 1.
But before
we discuss
the havoc
ahead, let us
take a quick
look back at the
2003-2004 sea
son, which can
only be de
scribed as yet
another year of
supreme lunacy:
DAVID JAGERNAUTH
CRITICAL MASS
Hiibel v. Nevada:
In a series of rulings involving the
Fourth Amendment, the Supreme
Court showed uncharacteristic consis
tency by basically allowing cops to do
whatever they want. In the most in
sane of the cases, the justices ruled that
any state can pass a law forcing you to
give your name to the cops if asked. I
guess now our Miranda rights read,
“You have the right to remain silent....
that is, after you incriminate yourself.”
Pennsylvania State Police
v. Suders:
This case involved a woman who
was sexually harassed at work. All the
justices sided with the woman, except
Clarence Thomas. This one is too easy.
Come up with your own joke.
Vieth v. Jubelirer:
Not ones for interfering in political
contests (ahem), the justices ruled 5-4
that a Democratic challenge to a re
districting plan drawn by Pennsylvania's
Republican-controlled legislature was
nonjusticiable. Too bad Election 2000
wasn’t nonjusticiable. I guess the
Supreme Court cannot get involved
when it might help Democrats. Then
again, maybe nine people who are ap
pointed, rather than elected, and serve
for life, rather than four years, are
not the best ones to be ruling on
electoral issues.
McConnell v. FEC:
Not satisfied with condon
ing rampant gerrymandering,
the Supreme Court found anoth
er way to screw up our elections.
They upheld most of
the McCain-Fein
gold Act,
which is responsible for the growth in
527s. The path to hell is paved with
good intentions, and we are definitely
burning in political hell. By the way,
did you know that Kerry fought for the
Viet Cong? It’s true. I just heard it on
TV.
Elk Grove Unified School
District v. Newdow:
Speaking of unintended conse
quences, in this case the justices up
held the phrase “under God” in the
Pledge of Allegiance ... well, sort of.
They ruled that the father bringing the
case on behalf of his daughter lacked
standing to bring the case at all. They
never tackled the Establishment Clause
question at the heart of the suit, much
to the disappointment of one particular
justice who was eager to crush the
godless atheist Newdow. (You only get
one guess which justice I’m talking
about. Here is a hint: His name sounds
like a terrible disease.)
In their haste to sidestep and tiptoe
around a case that had become a politi
cal land mine, they opened a Pandora’s
Box, according to law and metaphor
mixing expert Marci Hamilton. The rul
ing could affect the rights of all noncus
todial parents like Newdow. I’m no
federalist, but even I find it disturbing
that the justices would overrule the
state on a question of custody rights.
There isn’t a joke here. The Supreme
Court just royally screwed this one up.
A smile suddenly appears on Pat
Robertson’s face. “Don’t you see?” he
says. “It all makes sense. God protected
the justices so they could protect the
Pledge and the nation from attacks by
those lousy Russian atheist commies.”
Pat, Newdow was not a communist,
nor was he Russian, nor do I think that
communists pose a threat to the nation
any —
“And if President Bush gets a second
term, there will be plenty of time to
knock off one of the justices. He must
be preordained to win the election, just
like in 2000.”
Actually Pat, I think human
hands were involved in the —
“Clearly, there is a di
^ Li "“V vine purpose to all
B BpA \ things.”
B 1 Sure there is Pat,
B 1 sure there is.
davidjagemaiith
@dailyemerald. com
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INBOX
A Bush win would hurt
healthcare, public schools
There is one important issue that the can
didates for President have not addressed, the
makeup of the Supreme Court. If Bush wins,
it will solidify the religious right-wing agen
da. Another important issue which must be
thoroughly examined is healthcare. Under
Bush, a national healthcare bill will be im
possible, while Kerry has expressed willing
ness to explore the issue.
All of the negatives about John Kerry are
buried in what will happen to the Court if
Bush is elected. We could have a court
which could reverse Roe vs. Wade. Vital is
sues such as gun control, free speech rights,
religious freedom, and barriers between
church and public schools and government
would be in danger. The rights of workers to
organize and bargain would be lost. Mini
mum wage standards would be a distant
memory. Bush has expressed his admiration
for Justices Scalia and Thomas, and we can
expect future justices of that ilk if Republi
cans make the appointments.
Bear in mind that all federal judges are pres
idential appointments for life. Giving George
W. this power would make it more difficult for
progressive legislation, state or federal, to sur
vive. The overriding issue in the real world is
the makeup of the Supreme Court. That is
why I will vote for and support John Kerry.
Mike Kessler
Hayward, Calif.
America can't be a leader
if no one will follow
So this election doesn’t come down to
healthcare, nor to jobs, nor to deficit spend
ing. This election comes down to Iraq. Mil
lions of us were right when we opposed the
war before our voices were ignored.
It is a hollow victory. Iraq was not the “cen
tral front on terror” until the president made it
so. By removing a tyrant who had no WMDs
and posed no threat, and who had no ties to
those who do, the world was made less safe.
By starting a war on flimsy pretenses, our
credibility has been enormously damaged. A
nation without credibility cannot lead, for no
one will follow. International stability requires
trust between nations. When trust in Ameri
can leadership erodes, tyrants and terrorists
are more likely to flourish.
Winning the “war on terror” requires first
winning the war of ideas. Only John Kerry
can do this and restore our credibility
amongst nations.
Todd Huffman, M.D.
Eugene
ONLINE POLL
THIS WEEK’S RESULTS
How easy is it for you to buy textbooks for college courses?
1. Very convenient. Every book I need is in stock at the
campus bookstore - 32 percent
2. Somewhat convenient. I just log on to the Internet and
click, click, click - 24 percent
3. Somewhat difficult. I don't have a car/bike, and the
instructor uses a store across town - 4 percent
4. Very difficult. The book list for my class wasn’t provided
in advance, and now I can't afford the books - 24 percent
5. This issue doesn't affect me. -16 percent
Total out of 25 votes.
Look for next week’s poll question in Monday’s issue.