Oregon Daily Emerald
Monday, October 4, 2004
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■ In my opinion
Need elections answers?
Take a number
Today at Further From Perfection,
we’re accepting questions from anx
ious University of Oregon students
regarding the upcoming presidential
election:
As a queer woman, I’m especially
interested in what the candidates
have to say on issues pertinent to my
social situation. Who do I vote for?
— Unsure Student
Dear Unsure: I absolutely recom
mend the casting of a ballot for Mr.
Bush. Sure, searching for the phrase
“civil liberties” on his official cam
paign Web site produces no results,
but don’t let that fact prevent you
from supporting a candidate that is so
obviously the one for you.
And sure, Georgie has plans to
write discrimination into the Consti
tution by banning gay marriage, but
really, who wants to get married any
way? Wouldn’t you rather just be sin
gle and promiscuous for the rest of
your life? I know I would.
And about Bush’s connections with
Schwarzenegger, even after his
heterosexist “girlie men” comment?
Well, I say Ha Ha! We should all con
gratulate the governor of California
on his witty remark. Making fun of
men’s masculinity in order to threat
en them — what a novel idea!
In terms of women’s rights, there is
no better choice than Bush. The W
stands for women. And if Bush had
been born with a different middle ini
tial, he would have changed it to W;
that’s how much he cares about
women. Even if he does wish to stick
his head up into the vaginas of preg
nant women and make completely
uneducated decisions about their
AILEE SLATER
FURTHER FROM PERFECTION
fetuses, or prevent women oversees
from gaining access to birth control,
the W in his name sure does make up
for all that.
My refrigerator makes a dripping
sound in the middle of the night,
which keeps my pet ferret, Killer,
awake and running around noisily
until 3 a.m. How can I stop this
racket?
Nicolas Corlett, Client #664
Dear 664: I see the inherent ques
tion that you’re getting at. You’re re
ally asking, ‘What smart decisions
can I make in this election that will
ensure Killer and I can sleep well at
night?’
Two important issues to watch out
for include our current military action
in Iraq and the debate over the econo
my.
President Bush made the decision
to “rub out” Saddam Hussein be
cause deductive reasoning clearly in
dicated a link between the Iraqi
leader and the men involved in the
9/11 terrorist attacks — consider their
suspiciously similar skin tones and
foreign-sounding names.
If Bush leaves office, can the occu
pation continue properly? Kerry has
shown himself to be a steadfast sup
porter of the war ... well, not of giv
ing so much money to assist in the
effort ... but yeah, the war-was defi
nitely a necessary measure after 9/11
... although, if he were in office, he
would have waited for United Na
tions approval... (cough) Geneva Ac
cords ... (cough, cough).
Maybe we should move on to the
economy, stupid. If you are rich, I
suggest voting for Bush, as he gave
the greatest tax cuts to the wealthiest
tax bracket. I guess Dick Cheney’s
multimillion dollar nest egg was get
ting lonely. If you are poor, I suggest
voting for Kerry, as he promises to re
voke said tax cuts and give more to
lower income citizens.
If you are unsure of your economic
class, I still suggest voting for Kerry,
because, sorry Reagan, trickle down
economics is still a sham. The
wealthy won’t stimulate the economy
if they receive more money, they will
hoard it along with all their other mil
lions of dollars. The poor, on the oth
er hand, will actually use unexpected
money, and therefore benefit the
economy. Duh.
Which candidate was the most
best-est in the Vietnam War?
— J.D. Everyguy
Dear J.D.: Television commercials
are making it increasingly clear that
neither Bush nor Kerry fairly served
in the war. Bush was still doped up
and surviving on daddy’s money,
while Kerry was busy forging photo
graphs of himself with the men who
are now part of the Swift Boat Veter
ans For TYuth. If you deeply care
about the candidates’ war service, 1
suggest that you promptly stop giving
a rat’s ass.
aileeslater@dailyemerald. com
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■ Editorial
17. S. action
imperative
in Sudan
Two minutes of the 90-minute presiden
tial debate on Thursday were dedicated to
the genocide taking place in the Darfur
region of Sudan — not nearly enough
time, given the scale of the tragedy, but
more time than we anticipated, quite
frankly.
We were glad that both candidates used
the word “genocide” to describe the ac
tions of the Sudanese government and the
Arab militiamen known as Janjaweed,
who are killing Darfur’s non-Arab
population.
But we were disheartened that neither
candidate is in favor of sending troops to
stop the genocide, which by all accounts
is ongoing.
An estimated 50,000 have been killed
and 1.3 million have been driven from
their homes, according to Reuters. Women
are being raped and villages are being de
stroyed on a daily basis. Yet the world is
dragging its heels. The African Union only
has 300 troops on the ground, according to
The Washington Post, and the United Na
tions is taking its sweet time dotting every I
and crossing every T.
Sudan’s only hope is for America to take
the lead by ramping up pressure on the in
ternational community, helping to provide
the peacekeeping infrastructure (i.e. mon
ey) and sending in U.S. troops, if necessary
— and it will be necessary. All of this
should have been done months ago.
As Samantha Power recently reminded
us in Time magazine, past presidents have
been reluctant to use “the G-word” to de
scribe genocide: For example, Jimmy
Carter with the Khmer Rouge, Ronald Rea
gan with Saddam Hussein, the first George
Bush with the Bosnian Serbs and Bill Clin
ton with Bosnia and Rwanda.
This time around, our leaders have pro
vided the appropriate international con
text, but, as Power says, using the word
genocide is only a small, first step. Now we
must take action. We must not allow our
selves to be trigger-shy due to the reaction
over, and casualties in, Iraq. What some
would suggest is America’s greatest failing
— a rash, unilateral foreign policy — can
now be utilized for the good of humanity.
The controversial “doctrine of preemption”
has the potential to do what no other
country is able to do: Preempt
further genocide.
However, in a political year dominated
by Iraq, nuclear weapons and terrorism,
Africa and the terrorism of genocide have
been rendered invisible. This is an issue
that should transcend politics, yet neither
candidate has made it a priority. Democ
rats and Republicans must find a way to
come together and take action to help the
Sudanese people without it dissolving into
further partisan mudslinging. But that
might be too much to ask.
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