99 WEST BDOADWAY
RiverRidge
18 Holes $25 - Save $7
9 Holes $15-Save $3
SUTrONRlDGE
9 Holes $11 - Save $3
ShortRidge
9 Holes $6
Driving Range - $2.50/Tokei
RiverRidge
Golf Complex & Driving Range
•
3800 N. Delta Hwy
541 345-9160
Students Golf For Less
At RiverRidge
With your current UO Student I.D.
Library: Library offers books, cliches
Continued from page 16D
might be marble. If you look closely
at the stairs you can still see the
bloodstains from when a family of
French aristocrats was stabbed to
death with pikestaffs by members of
the political science department. As
cending upward to the second floor
one will find two separate but equally
noteworthy sections.
The first is the current-periodicals
collection, which is where University
President Dave Frohnmayer hides his
manga stash. For those looking for
back issues of Hustler, you’re out of
luck. All pornographic material is kept
in the John E. Jaqua Law Library,
which incidentally also contains the
largest collection of stag films this side
of the Mississippi (the password is
“wombat”). This section also contains
the library’s card catalog, so for any of
you looking to catalog some cards, this
is the place (please God, kill me now).
The other half of the second
floor the Information Technologies
Center, which is where losers who
don’t own their own computers go
to type papers (ha, ha! Stupid poor
people). The books on this floor are
organized in what is know as the
Dewey Decimal Classification
system, which is a way of organiz
ing books so that the first letters of
each subject will spell out a dirty
word. Complex Dewey Decimal or
ganization is based on limericks.
This floor is also the residence of
the library trolls.
On the third floor you will find
the second floor again. This is due
to a phenomenon known as the In
terlibrary Space/Time Continuum.
If you leave an item on the second
floor it is possible to locate it at the
corresponding location on the third
floor. Above this is the rarely visited
fourth floor, which has been taken
over by a roving pack of
bloodthirsty, sex-starved English lit
majors who have gone insane
looking for the collected works of
Horace Walpole.
Actually I’m kidding about that.
English lit majors are rarely
The Knight
Library offers
a wide range
of texts and oth
er resources,
including an in
teresting array
of vending
machines.
Tim Bobosky
Freelance
Photographer
sex-starved, and in fact get laid al
most as often as the microbiology
people (what do you think they
spend all that grant money on?). On
the fourth floor it is also possible to
see a baseball President Frohnmayer
lost on the roof and was too embar
rassed to tell anyone about.
ryannybu.rg@ daily emerald, com
6969
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