Newsroom: (541) 346-5511
Suite 300, Erb Memorial Union
P.O. Box 3159, Eugene, OR 97403
E-mail: editor@dailyemerald.com
Online: www.dailyemerald.com
Tuesday, March 30,2004
Oregon Daily Emerald
COMMENTARY
Editor in Chief:
Brad Schmidt
Managing Editor:
Jan Tobias Montry
Editorial Editor:
Peter Hockaday
B DITOR1AL
Quacks
& smacks
Quacks to the Oregon men's basketball team for making
the best of a bad situation. Tonight, the Ducks will play in the
"other" Final Four, that of the National Invitation Tourna
ment, in New York. Instead of packing in the season, Luke
Jackson and company have won two straight games and will
have a chance to raise their national profile.
Smacks to the University Comptons, er, Commons. Over
spring break, two separate incidents — a stabbing and a possi
ble shooting — made the people living at the Commons some
of the most dangerous folks in Eugene.
Quacks to American Idol, which is having one of its best
seasons yet. The Editorial Board wishes to place its mustard
behind red-headed crooner John Stevens, whom the board
considers the male version of Norah Jones.
Smacks to Jessica Simpson, who officially broke the camel's
back with a recent comment to Interior Secretary Gale Nor
ton. On a visit to our nation's capital, the blonde pop star re
portedly told Norton, "You've done a nice job decorating the
White House." Buffalo wings are one thing, but this is ridicu
lous.
Quacks to Dennis Kudnich for fighting until the end. While
Ralph Nader might actually take votes away from a Democrat
ic presidential nominee, Kucinich is like a turtle. He's cute,
harmless, and not going anywhere He was in Eugene on Sun
day trying to convince people to vote for him in Oregon's pri
mary on May 18. Awwww. Cute!
Smacks to the American-led coalition government in Iraq,
which this weekend dosed an Iraqi newspaper that coalition
ofifidals said had been indting citizens to commit violence
against American soldiers. The government shut down the
radical Shiite Al-Hawza newspaper for 60 days amid protests
by Iraqis. So, this is democracy?
Quacks to Richard Clarke for having the guts to stand up to
George W. Bush for his actions preceding Sept. 11. Clarke, the
former White House counterterrorism chief, told the Sept. 11
panel and wrote in a new book that Bush didn't pay enough
attention to terrorism before those terrible attacks. Clarke's ac
cusations confirm the fears of many across the nation.
Smacks to Clarke for the hypocritical nature of his com
ments. While commending him for making them, it would be
foolish to ignore the drcumstances. Clarke was formerly loyal
to the Bush administration and released his book at a time
when he, along with presidential hopeful John Kerry, could
profit greatly from his words.
Quacks to the best reality show in history, "The Appren
tice" If we miss this show, we fire ourselves. "The Apprentice"
is a refreshingly honest look at the cutthroat business world.
With the final episode coming up, we've got our legal pads
and pendls ready. But don't fret about the end of the show be
cause there's an open casting call for "The Apprentice 2" in
Portland on Friday.
Smacks to Austrian booger doctor Friedrich Bischinger,
who believes that picking your nose — and eating it — can ac
tually improve your health. He says it's a good way to keep
your nose clean and boost your immune system with all the
bacteria from your nose. Don't believe him. And don't show
this to any kids.
Quacks to Benton County for standing up to the state in its
own way on the issue of gay marriage. While Multnomah
County swung its clout and started marrying couples, this
spring break Benton County went another route and decided
to outlaw marriage in general — heterosexual or homosexual
— until the state rules on the issue. It's a tongue-in-cheek way
for the county to address a contentious issue.
Smacks to Jayson Blair and Jack Kelley, two yellow-bellied
journalists who are mining the profession in the eyes of read
ers. Kelley was a top foreign correspondent for USA Today be
fore he retired early this year. Recently, the paper found out
that he fabricated many stories, including one about Cuban
refugees that earned him a finalist nomination for the Pulitzer
Prize. Blair, meanwhile; released a book called "Burning Down
My Masters' House," about his debauchery at The New York
Times. Both men should be flogged with newspapers for a
week. We call first flog.
EDITORIAL POLICY
This editorial represents the opinion of the Emerald editorial
board. Responses can be sent to letters@dailyemerald.com.
Letters to the editor and guest commentaries are
encouraged. Letters are limited to 250 words and guest
commentaries to 550 words. Authors are limited to one
submission per calendar month. Submission must include
phone number and address for verification. The Emerald
reserves the right to edit for space, grammar and style.
HE1 MAH-'/ So,
fX. Don't GfT* IT-'>
TWtfc <S AMEWCAy
VENE ta*£N over
Lkm 0.U-51CHCowtw.
^ vWERE s MT. A
ItJrteAPGiAfi?" ^
American
*/» A A ^
la^si
Steve Baggs Illustrator
Hire this
columnist!
About this time three years ago, I inter
viewed my senior roommate for a class as
signment. I had to ask him about his great
est fear. He didn't hesitate.
"Graduation," he said. "Finding a job."
I laughed at him then; I ay with him now.
There are scary things in this world, such
as dousing your eyeballs in burning acid.
Right now, I'd rather douse than look for
work.
Theoretically, one-quarter of the stu
dents at this university should be facing
the same fears (the rest of you can clip
this out and save it until your own gradu
ation). Some of us graduates will work in
mommy's pet store, some of us will live
on daddy's couch, but the rest of us need
jobs. And June 12, graduation day, looms
like the apocalypse.
We live at Kinko's and run up our
phone bills with calls to East Coast job re
cruiters. We converge on job fairs like hye
nas on a felled zebra. We place our re
sume on the best-looking BMW
windshields. We single-handedly keep
Weyerhaeuser in business.
I was in New York for spring break (yes,
interviewing for jobs) and considered just
walking into The New York Times offices
and dropping to my knees in front of the
receptionist.
"Please! I'll mop the floors!"
Right now, most people who are looking
for a job have this massive overwhelming
fear inside them like a sickness. We won
der what, exactly, will happen if we don't
get a job? We don't have jobs right at this
moment. What if we never have jobs? Will
we live on the streets? Can I go live with
my Aunt Tmdy in Kansas? Will I drive
around the country, begging for work like
a character in a Jack Kerouac novel?
Peter Hockaday
Today is Hockaday
I need a Monster.com advertisement.
You know, the ones where they have
somebody get up and tout their skills,
then they say "to hire Wesley Rue, visit
Monster.com." See, the people in those
commercials probably get jobs. Those of
us who don't get an advertisement end up
like the kids in the old Monster.com ads.
The ones who say, ironically, "I want a ca
reer in middle management."
I don't want a career in middle manage
ment, but I am willing to start there.
So everybody has their ultimate employ
er. The company where you want to go so
bad, you'd kill your pet goldfish if it meant
working there. But you don't want to tell
people you applied for that job, because
you don't want to jinx it. If you're a software
engineer, it's Microsoft. If you're in televi
sion, it's ABC. Wherever it is, you'd sell your
soul quicker than Dante for an interview.
Anyway, I had my dream interview in
New York. I'm not going to say what it was,
because I don't want to jinx it. I was lucky
enough to get it and I'm not going to screw *
it up now.
I know, I just spent a whole column
talking about how I'm afraid about look
ing for work when I already found a sweet
interview. But that's the point. Even with
all the sweet interviews in the world, even
with all the job offers and all the leads and
all the contacts in the world, that fear will
sit in my stomach until I'm sitting in my
own cubicle and staring at my own com
puter screen.
I hope I find a job and I hope you find a
job. If we don't, you'll see us in one of
those advertisements soon enough.
"To hire Peter Hockaday, e-mail peter
hockaday@dailyemerald.com!"
Contact the editorial editor
at peterhockaday@dailyemerald.com.
His opinions do not necessarily
represent those of the Emerald.
LETTER TO THE EDITOR
Plan B should be made
readily available to women
I am writing in response to the Emerald's
March 8 editorial (Anti-Plan B crusaders
should see value of pill"). The Food and
Drug Administration is currently consider
ing whether or not to approve Plan B for
over-the-counter use. As the Emerald stated,
Plan B is a form of emergency contracep
tion that reduces the risk of unintended
pregnancy or the need for abortion by stop
ping the release of eggs from a woman's
ovary, or by preventing fertilization.
Plan B is safe, effective and easy to use It
offers women a backup method of birth
control in the event that her contraceptive
method failed, she had sex without using
contraception or she was forced to have sex.
Because emergency contraception is
most effective when taken as soon as pos
sible after unprotected sex, it is critical that
women acquire this drug in a quick, effi
cient manner. Women need over-the
counter access now.
The Bush administration has delayed
the FDA approval process for Plan B,
although FDA advisory committees have
unequivocally recommended it for over
the-counter status. (See
http://www.ppfa.org or http://www.agi
usa.org for more information on Plan B.)
To contact the president about your
support for making Plan B available over
the-counter, write: President George W.
Bush, The White House, 1600 Pennsylva
nia Ave. NW, Washington, DC, 20500.
The health of women is at stake.
Stephanie Schwenger
Senior
History and German