Newsroom: (541) 346-5511
Suite 300, Erb Memorial Union
P.O. Box 3159, Eugene, OR 97403
E-mail: editor@dailyemerald.com
Online: www.dailyemerald.com
Monday, March 29,2004
Oregon Daily Emerald
COMMENTARY
Editor in Chief:
Brad Schmidt
Managing Editor:
Jan Tobias Montry
Editorial Editor:
Peter Hockaday
EDITORIAL
Bush's attempt
at WMD humor
is disrespectful
to U.S. soldiers
When the United States invaded Iraq on March 19,2003,
President Bush and other administration officials touted
weapons of mass destruction as the focal point of war. In
telligence showed Iraq was in possession of WMDs, and
without U.S. intervention, Bush argued, who could say what
a madman like Saddam Hussein would do?
A year later, no WMDs have been found. The justification
for going to war hasn't been justified. In fact, 585 U.S. sol
diers have died in Iraq and almost 3,000 U.S. soldiers have
been wounded in action on this wild goose chase.
As the kids on the Internet would say: LMAO! That's
some funny stuff, huh?
Well, President Bush seems to think it's a laughing matter.
During a recent speech given by Bush at the annual Radio and
Television News Correspondents Association dinner, Bush
joshed about the country's lack of success in the matter.
While displaying several photos of the president in unflat
tering positions in the White House, Bush told the audience,
"Those weapons of mass destruction have got to be some
where ... nope; no weapons over there... maybe under here?"
That's freaking hilarious. Americans are dying in Iraq
looking for weapons Bush said existed, and no weapons
have been found, so let's laugh about it.
Bush's brain has got to be somewhere ... nope, no brain
over there... maybe under here? Nope, no sign of intelligence.
While it is true that presidents often poke fun at serious is
sues at the annual dinner, the Bush administration should
have seen very real links between WMDs and death. Death
is not a laughing matter.
Sure, those in attendance at the dinner got a kick out of
his comment. Hell, just about anything that comes out of
Bush's mouth is funny; he can't pronounce many words, he
fumbles just about anything and he gives that look after
everything he says — you know the one, the I-just-farted
and-I-can't-wait-until-Laura-smells-it look.
In retrospect, however, it isn't funny. Never was. Partisan
lines don't need to dictate humor here. Making fun of death
isn't humorous, and it doesn't take a Republican or a De
mocrat to figure it out. Bush just needs to admit he made a
grave mistake by trivializing the deaths of Americans — men
and women whom he essentially sent to die.
The disrespect he paid to America's servicemen and
women cannot be understated. Bush would never make
such statements, even in jest, during an oversees visit to the
Middle East. But apparently it's acceptable for the president
to make fun of others, especially when they aren't around
to defend themselves.
Bush crossed the line, no matter whether he was trying to
be humorous or not. Bush is the commander and chief of
the U.S. military, yet he speaks of its unsuccessful efforts to
find WMDs as if it were an episode of South Park.
So it seems only appropriate to end with dialogue from
an episode of South Park, titled "A ladder to heaven," which
comes from The South Park Scriptorium.
Bush: Ladies and gentlemen of the UN, we have evidence that
Saddam Hussein is up there building weapons of mass destruc
tion. (Shows a picture of the ladder and another one of the clouds.
Both pictures have areas circled in.) We have tried to communi
cate with Saddam through a psychic to ask him to let us see his
warehouses in heaven. But he has not responded.
Indian Ambassador: Of course he has not responded, because
he's DEAD!
Bush: Right. Dead, and in heaven.
Another Ambassador: This is preposterous! Even if there was a
heaven, what makes you think Saddam Hussein's soul would be
sent there?
Bush: Our intelligence tells us that when Saddam was origi
nally killed, his soul actually went to hell. But while in hell he be
gan a homosexual relationship with Satan, the Prince of Dark
ness. Satan, however, decided he didn't want to be with Hussein
anymore and broke up with him about August. (The French Am
bassador has tuned out.) When Saddam became jealous and tried
to kill Satan's new lover, Chris, Satan had Saddam sent to heaven
to live with Mormons as a punishment. (The assembly is over
come with silence.) Question? (More silence. An ambassador
raises his hand.) Yes?
Another Ambassador: Are you high, or just incredibly stupid?
Bush: I assure you, I am not high.
No, just incredibly stupid.
Now that's something to laugh about.
Eric Layton Illustrator
Not-so-friendly skies
It's time we took back the skies, my
friends. Anyone who traveled this spring
break had a fresh reminder of what a has
sle and annoyance flying is these days. Ever
since Sept. 11, just getting onto an airplane
requires walking around without your
shoes on and being patted down by a se
curity guard who suspects you might have
tweezers in your pocket.
While taking off your shoes is almost a
given these days, that can be about the
worst that you go through, unless your belt
sets off the metal detector. In that case,
you're corralled off to the side for a special
search, while your shoes and bag go else
where. Ironically, the only time your bag is
out of your sight is when you are at security.
This spring break I was able to test securi
ty procedures in international waters. What
I found in France was the same basic, ridicu
lous airport security process. At baggage
check-in, my hand was slapped when I tried
to slide something into the side pocket of
my suitcase before I put it onto the conveyer
belt. Silly me, I should have known better
than try to open my own bag.
At the security check point, my purse
was searched despite a clean run through
the X-ray machine. The best part is that the
electronics, such as my CD player and
camera, were completely overlooked in
the examination. Instead, I watched as the
guard thumbed through my wallet. Next,
she pulled out a plastic bag, which I had
placed in a side pocket of my purse. After
she looked at it suspiciously, she returned
both items, and I was free to go.
Now tell me, what's the point of all of
that?
In Paris, they randomly searched people
walking down the ramp before boarding
the plane. Luckily my friend and I weren't
chosen for the surprise safety search, but
they did catch a grandma who looked
rather sketchy. I mean, give me a break. I
can understand stopping a senior citizen
woman if she fits the profile for a terrorist,
but I don't remember hearing any stories
about old women making shoe bombs.
The hassle I faced in France is the same
Marissa Jones
Cry me a river
annoyance I've faced in the United States.
Our new and improved airport security is
invasive and makes a passenger feel like he
or she has done something wrong. Ihe se
curity failures of Sept. 11 are not combat
ed by the new procedures. Airport workers
still have the ability to hide box cutters on
planes for terrorists, who can potentially
board with legitimate visas and tickets. But
if the scenario occurs again, passengers
will not stay in their seats. These days it
would take a lot more than an eyelash
curler to take over a whole plane.
So give us back what was taken away. I
want to cut my questionable airplane meat
with a real knife. Air France was brave
enough to distribute metal knives to every
one, and surprisingly enough everyone was
mature enough to handle metal flatware. A
terrorist could hold a flight attendant
hostage with a belt or shoelace around his
or her neck just as easily as with a knife, so
why not give us all knives again?
I want my friends and family to meet
me at the gate. All of the romance of travel
ing has been taken out of our culture. I sat
on a train in France and watched as an old
woman hugged her daughter goodbye.
She boarded the train as the pair contin
ued crying and waving. The closest situa
tion we have in the United States is saying
goodbye at an airport. With new security
measures, you get dropped off at the curb
while some security guard yells at your
driver to get back in the car and keep mov
ing. Very personal. *
I want to go back to the way it was, be
cause the way it is now isn't better. I want
to be treated like a citizen, not a criminal. .
It is time to re-examine our homeland
security issues and realize what is effective
and what is not. The United States must
accept that, as a country based on individ
ual freedom, we will always be susceptible
to terrorism no matter how many grand
mas we search. Instead of hassling every
one, we should step up immigration laws
and seek out responsible parties. Let U.S.
citizens return to flying the friendly skies,
experience the joy of walking off a plane to
be embraced and travel without being ac
costed by security for no reason.
It's time to take back the skies, and if
there is some way to get peanuts back on
flights, that would be an added bonus.
Contact the columnist
at marissajones@dailyemerald.com.
Her opinions do not necessarily
represent those of the Emerald.
ONLINE POLL
Each week, the Emerald runs an online
poll and publishes the results and next
week’s question in this space.
Visit http://www.dailyemerald.com to
vote.
Last question: Do you support the
legalization of same-sex marriage?
Results: 185 votes
Yes - Marriage is about love, not sexual
orientation: 24.3 percent or 45 votes.
Yes - It’s an equal-rights issue: 41.6
percent or 77 votes.
No -1 support civil unions but not
marriage: 20 percent or 37 votes.
No - Homosexuality is abnormal: 14.1
percent or 26 votes.
This week: What was your reaction to
President Bush’s humorous references
to the hunt for weapons of mass
destruction?
Choices: I was offended, it isn't a joking
matter; I don’t care, it was politics as
usual; I thought it was funny.