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OregonDailyEmerald
Editor in Chief:
Brad Schmidt
Managing Editor:
Jan Tobias Montry
Editorial Editor
Travis Willse
Tuesday, February 3,2004
EDITORIAL.
America needs
to re-evaluate
its reasons for
censoring TV
What is it with this country and nudity?
In 2002, ABC News reported that Attorney General
John Ashcroft demanded the placement of a large
$8,000 drape to cover the exposed breast of the "Spirit
of Justice" statue located in the U.S. Justice Department.
The tasteless, nay, perverted display of the art apparently
offended his virgin eyes.
Now, Federal Communications Commission Chair
man Michael Powell is expressing his "outrage" at the
breast mishap during Sunday's Super Bowl halftime
show. For anybody who doesn't use halftime as a good
opportunity to take a short nap, Janet Jackson's breast
was exposed — complete with some odd-looking, sun
shaped device to cover the nipple — when favorite dra
ma queen Justin Timberlake apparently ripped off a por
tion of her outfit. (He later blamed a "wardrobe
malfunction.")
m icdsi, uidi 5 suie wiiai 11 iooKea nxe. ui course,
everybody denies that it was planned, now that public
fury has since reached a boiling point.
Luckily for us, Internet newshound Matt Drudge had
an EXTREME CLOSEUP of "the breast" posted on his
Web site, along with his infamous anonymous sources
he loves so much who insisted that the event was
planned. And further inspection of the nipple in ques
tion shows that the "metal 'solar' nipple medallion" that
Jackson was wearing does not, in fact, cover much of
anything; one could see the whole shebang. We imagine
it was coincidence thatTimberlake exposed "the breast"
— excuse us, accidentally exposed "the breast" — seconds
after singing the end of his annoying hit, "Rock Your
Body," which concludes less-than-subtlety, "I’m gonna
have you naked by the end of this song!"
But the circumstances of whether broadcast executives
planned the exposure pales in comparison to the ab
surdity of the public and regulatory reaction to "the
breast" (of course, nobody seemed to care about the na
tional broadcast of Timberlake's lyrics, which glorify and
explore the potential consequences of rocking one's
body). The FCC on Monday launched a full-scale inves
tigation into "the breast," causing many to believe that
Jackson's nipple may quite possibly be the most contro
• versial thing since Bill Clinton's appreciation for them,
or at least those that didn't belong to his wife.
Well, what did the FCC expect? MTV — the channel
that markets cleavage like IHOP markets pancakes —
produced the half-time show.
Said Powell: "I am outraged at what I saw during the
half-time show of the Super Bowl. Like millions of
Americans, my family and I gathered around the televi
sion for a celebration. Instead, that celebration was
tainted by a classless, crass and deplorable stunt. Our na
tion's children, parents and citizens deserve better."
NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue said "the breast"
incident was "offensive, embarrassing to us and our fans,
and inappropriate."
"We will change our policies, our people and our
processes before the next Super Bowl to ensure that this
entertainment is far more effectively dealt with," he said.
For some reason, any remote possibility of seeing
some skin broadcast is treated like the end of days, as ev
idenced by Powell's reaction. It's almost as if he thinks
his kids will be forced to undergo years of invasive ther
apy to correct the dramatic psychosexual damage that a
single nipple inflicted upon their fragile psyches. Never
mind the rapes and murders beamed into our televi
sions daily that Powell's kids probably witnessed before
the game — those are all OK. It's those damn nipples
that should be regulated.
America is indeed a prude nation when it comes to
the human form. Our priorities are misaligned when it's
perfectly acceptable to depict a woman being raped on
-. ieletdsion,'just as long asyou don't show any body parts.
Steve Baggs Illustrator
Vote Hockaday Today
Hi. My name s Peter, and I m officially
throwing my hat in the ring for the Democ
ratic Party's presidential nomination.
Why not? I know, today the Democrats
have five primaries and two caucuses, and
unless we start delivering Emeralds to South
Carolina I'll be nine states behind when I
start my campaign. But I figure I've still got a
good shot
I mean, does anybody really know any
thing about this Sen. John Kerry guy? No.
They know he's not Howard Dean, who,
with his little post-Iowa "yee-haw!" speech,
made Michael Jackson look sane See I crack
lots of Michael Jackson jokes! Don't you
want me as your president?
Oh, believe me there's tons more reasons
to elect Hockaday in '04. If elected, I pledge
to make NR Sunday Ticket available to all
cable subscribers, not just dish owners!
If elected, I promise to fund the cre
ation and development of thousands
more reality television shows! I'll ap
point Britney Spears to the Supreme
Court and officially declare the Monday
after the Super Bowl a national holiday!
Who wouldn't want to live in that
America?
"The case on the docket is abortion, Jus
tice Spears, not Michael Jackson. I know you
worship the man, but he allegedly molested
a child, OK?"
"Hit me baby, one more time "
Seriously, though, my only platform is a
column in this newspaper, but I feel like I
Peter Hockaday
Today is Hockaday
have just as much of a voice as any of these
Democratic candidates. What I wonder is
whether a vote for Kerry is really a vote for
Kerry. Or is it a vote against Dean?
As you're reading this, thousands of vot
ers in six states are lodging their votes for
Kerry, but do they really know why?
I'll give you a litde test. I'll give you some
of Kerry's campaign issues and some of
Dean's campaign issues, and you have to
choose which is which, like a blind cola taste
test. Here goes:
Candidate No. 1: Wants to increase taxes
to fund homeland security. Voted for the USA
PATRIOT Act but now opposes the American
presence in Iraq. Wants to fund education, re
peal Bush's tax cuts and cut off terrorism by
rebuilding relationships with the Middle
East Supports same-sex marriage
Candidate No. 2: Wants to increase taxes
to fund social security, education and health
care. Has always opposed American pres
ence in Iraq. Wants to cut off terrorism by re
building relationships with the Middle East
Supports same-sex marriage.
So, basically, who cares which is which?
Except for minor differences, Kerry and
Dean are the same candidate! In case you re
ally care Kerry was No. 1 and Dean was No.
2. But when you really examine the issues,
Kerry and Dean are basically Britney Spears
and Christina Aguilera. They're so similar —
why can't we just like both?
So that's why you, the American voter,
should vote for me I may not pay attention
to those important "issues" like the war in
Iraq and "taxes." But I do care about the
things that really matter, like football and
Michael Jackson.
So remember, kiddies, don't throw your
vote away! Vote for Hockaday!
Contact the columnist
at peterhockaday@dailyemerald.com.
His opinions do not necessarily
represent those of the Emerald.
Use law libraiy, but with respect
It seems there has been an influx of
non-law visitors to the law library late
ly, and it is
causing quite a
stir! Not only
COMMENTARY because we are
_ completely iso
lated and love
seeing new faces, but, unfortunately, be
cause the law library seems to be losing
some of its decorum, for lack of a better
word. It has been really great to realize
that dorm-dwellers no longer have to
make the big hike across campus in the
dark to study at the Knight Library.
Campus women- have long considered
this a safety issue.' However,' it’ is’
important to emphasize that the law li
brary does have some major differences
from the Knight Library.
It appears there are two rules of eti
quette imposed on law students that
non-law visitors have had difficulty fol
lowing: cell phone usage in the library
and serious use of personal study
rooms. First, of course, everyone gets a
call now and then, but the call needs to
be taken outside of the library. Second,
personal and group study rooms are pri
marily for law student use. In fact, they
are labeled, "Law Students Have Priority
for These StudyJRooms, "therefore, it is
Vfety disconcerting to see non-law
visitors sleeping or goofing around in
them. Law students have the right to
kick non-Jaw visitors out of the rooms,
but that is very uncomfortable for both
parties. If one of the rooms is available,
please use it productively.
I apologize if this letter encourages
law students' reputation for being "ex
clusive," that was not my intention! I
only hope that by sharing the guidelines
law students are expected to adhere to,
that there will be less tension when
non-law visitors choose to enjoy the
law facilities.
- ..‘ L.* v y '■ * >r» i v< i
Lacy Westfall is studying law.