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Oregon Daily Emerald
COMMENTARY
Editor in Chief:
Brad Schmidt
Managing Editor:
Jan Tobias Montry
Editorial Editor:
Travis Willse
Wednesday, December 3, 2003
EDITORIAl.
Deadly" week
has its rules,
brings stress
Wednesday of Dead Week.
Blurry eyes, sleep deprivation and caffeine seizures.
Sound familiar?
For the overachievers at the University (we won't venture
to estimate how many of those are left), Dead Week has al
ready mushroomed to hellish proportions. All the big proj
ects are due, exams need studying for, the pizza guy knows
you by nickname, and you haven't seen the sky outside the
library in days.
For the slackers (you know who you are), it's probably
almost time to start working on something.
And finally, for professors, it's open season. And stu
dent is lookin' mighty tasty this year. Well, maybe not.
But it's still important in this time of insane stress that
students know their official rights regarding Dead Week
and Finals Week.
Any student who cares about Dead Week has proba
bly heard the rumors about exactly how much work can
be assigned or be due during the 5-day cram session, but
the most extreme gossip — namely that NOTHING can
be asked of the average student at all during this week —
is untrue.
In fact, four rules apply to Dead Week according to an
administrative letter sent out Nov. 17 to all faculty and
graduate teaching fellows.
Firstly, and perhaps most importantly, "No examination
worth more than 20 percent of the final grade will be given
with the exception of makeup examinations."
Secondly, "No final examinations will be given under
any guise."
I hirdly, "No projects will be due unless they have been
clearly specified on the syllabus within the first two weeks
of the term."
Lastly, "Take-home examinations will be due no earlier
than the day of the formally assigned final examination for
the class in question."
Also, its important to note that if a student must take
more than three final exams in a single day during Finals
Week, all exams after the third can be rescheduled for later
in the week as makeup tests. The first four rules were draft
ed into faculty legislation by the University Assembly in
1982, and the last is a statement on multiple exams by the
Faculty Advisory Council.
So if it seems like a professor is unfairly loading you up
with excess work during the dreaded Dead Week, well, it's
completely within their academic rights to do so. But
don't freak out — this is what the college experience is all
about, especially for the slackers who only work under
extreme pressure.
But beyond these mandatory end-of-term guidelines,
which we hope all faculty will honor, we also urge profes
sors and GTFs to remember what it's like to be a student
and to keep open minds. Dead Week is easily the worst part
of the term, especially for those students who must do
projects instead of final exams, and this year is no excep
tion. Things just seem a bit darker and a bit more depress
ing. So if a student seems at his or her wit's end, maybe that
extension might be OK this time.
On the other hand, we also urge all students to take heed
of academic honesty policies here at the University and not
be tempted, no matter what the stress level, to take the easy
way out. 1 his week's series on cheating can provide a
breadth of information on just what that means, as well as
the consequences of academic dishonesty.
All in all, the Emerald Editorial Board wishes all students
a successful Dead Week and many good times afterward at
the local bar when celebration ensues, provided that you
are of legal drinking age, of course.
EDITORIAL POLICY
This editorial represents the opinion of the Emerald
editorial board. Responses can be sent to letters
©dailyemerald.com. Letters to the editor and guest
commentaries are encouraged. Letters are limited
to 250 words and guest commentaries to 550 words.
Authors are limited to one submission per calendar
month. Submission must include phone number and
address for verification. The Emerald reserves the right
to edit for space, grammar and style.
DE6R«
V
3W
Steve Baggs Illustrator
Saying goodbye
Well, it's over. I'm outta here. It's time
lor the good doctor to close up shop and
move on to bigger things. You won't have
)oe Bechard to kick around anymore. It's
kind of sad — for me anyway. This is my
last chance — for a while, at least — to
make an ass of myself for more than
10,000 people at the same time.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not throwing
in the stethoscope. I'm not begging for
mercy and waving a silly white hospital
gown over my head. I haven't cracked yet.
I'm not quite to the point of setting myself
up with an IV, a slow morphine drip and a
small arsenal in the east wing of the sick
institute that is my own overworked mind.
I've still got all my marbles together and
neatly organized by size and color.
In this moment of extreme mental lu
cidity, 1 can clearly see that the baby is on
the way. The contractions are close. I think
I see a head.
Just give a little push ... that's nice ... we
shouldn't need to perform a cesarean.
I started this dopey practice a year ago
with the eloquent words of the fine poet
Lawrence Ferlinghetti fresh in mind.
Like him, I find myself "awaiting a re
birth of wonder."
If something doesn't give soon, we're
going to lose this one too. We've had a
lot of stiilborns these days. But now is
hardly the time for hysterics. There's no
reason to lose my cool. I, too, can wait
this bugger out.
I will await patiently the day we stop
taking pills to make the world a better
place. 1 will still long for a time when
women have more than one way to feel
beautiful, and when men have more than
one way to feel masculine. I will hold out
Joseph Bechard
Cultural obstetrician
for the day that "cool" isn't a marketing
gimmick. 1 will continue to nurture the
fine fetus of a culture wherein kids aren't
taught that curiosity killed the cat, subse
quently locking themselves inside lonely
houses and pining for the ultimate com
puter simulation of reality.
1 excitedly await the beautiful day when
the suffering of one man becomes the suf
fering of all men; when people give a
damn and feel inspired to make the world
a better place, not only for themselves but
for everyone. I will be around for the era
when success isn't measured by the pos
sessions of a few but by the well-being of
the many. And I longingly anticipate the
morning that billions of little Siddarthas
awake from dream-swept slumbers, finally
to be moved to do something positive for
a world so full of suffering.
It's a crazy time in this wacky country.
It's fin de siecle all over again. And as we
sail headlong into the fast, brave new
world of the 21st century, we grow ever
more divided in directing the course of
this twisted experiment-in-progress-gone
terribly-awry.
The struggle for a truly democratic and for
bearing society is not that of the ultra-liberal
or the clinically insane — it is a struggle for
everyone who hopes to see our culture live
up to all the hype we put in to it. It is for those
who can't stand to see the lofty ideals of
democracy defamed by doublespeak, emp
ty talk and outright lies.
So, as 1 move hopefully onward toward
a career in torturing the selfish greedheads
of the planet, I will leave this silly school
full of both utter joy and complete despair.
While 1 haven't let it get me down, 1
haven't been able to completely subdue
the horrible urges to vomit brought about
by the loathsome path our culture has tak
en. The world's Alex P. Keatons chase after
their Nixon-like idols making an indeci
pherable, cacophonous racket of hatred;
hippies destroy any chance of legitimate
protest with their stupid "No war for oil"
signs; and the sensible masses feel trapped,
voiceless, jaded, embarrassed and sapped
of their energy.
We understand our world as it is pre
sented through our cultural outlets. If we
are ever to reclaim our humanity back
from those who want to mechanize and
isolate from emotion every last thing we
do, we must look to the way in which we
portray values through cultural expression.
For those ten of you who think like me
and refuse to be ridiculed into silence, I in
vite you into the next field of battle: The
civil war of the culture worlds.
Goodbye, 1 love you, and don't forget
your annual checkup.
Contact the columnist
at joebechard@dailyemerald.com.
His opinions do not necessarily
represent those of the Emerald.
LETTER TO THE EDITOR
It's Mizusawa, not Miss Uzawa
Attention sports announcers! There is no
one on the Oregon women's basketball team
named Miss Uzawa. The exciting player from
California, assisting the Ducks to a 5-0 record
mHMiWCMWiMMMM
in a big way, is Come Mizusawa. Please take a
moment to observe placement of conso
nants before attempting to pronounce
To quickly and effectively address this em
barrassingly frequent mispronunciation, let’s
practice using a third language In whale all
together now: MeeEEEE ZOOOOOooo
SaaAAAAA WAAAAAAaaaa!
Good.
And best of luck to Corrie and the
Ducks!
Brian Bogart
graduate student
anthropology, peace studies, history